A
female
age
41-50,
*lairyfairy
writes:I've just found out that im pregnant and i feel really guilty bout it. Im 28 and i have a 5 yr old daughter already from a previous 5 yr relationship. Ive been single for 3 yrs so its just been me and my daughter weve done so much together she such a special little girl. We had our girlie nights in. Gone for day out together. But their was always a sadness in me because i wasnt doing it as a family i longed for a partner. And she has seen me very upset and lonely. Plus she goes to see her dad every other wk end so i missed her terribly. Anyway ive met someone six months ago hes 30 hes such a lovely man. So kind and caring. He hasnt got any kids and hes taken to my daughter so easy, she loves him to bits. he takes her to the park when im working etc! Just little things that i never had b4. We dont live together but we see each other as much as we can. i feel guilty now that another baby will be coming along and my daughter might feel a little left out when shes had me all to her self for a long time. Shes fine and seems quite excited bout the new baby as im including her in everything! I suppose im just worrying that all my love will have to be spread round my new baby. My boyfriend. And my daughter. Because i want to have quality time and special days with my girl too like b4 and i might not be able too.although im sure she would love the whole family thing too. What do u think am i being silly? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Aaaww you're not being silly at all...It's a worry my mother had too. But, you're doing a good job, letting your daughter participate in everything that has do with the new baby. Of course, she's going to feel little jealousies at time, but always remind her that you love her and her new sibling very much. It'd be great to have girls' day outs though. There's absolutly nothing wrong with that. Quality time is always welcomed between you and your daughter, you and your boyfriend, and of course, you and the new baby.
Buy matching outfits for you and your girl, go out to lunch, and/or simply enjoy a day with her out at the park or the movies. Go out on a romantic date with your boyfriend, make sure you're still a girlfriend to him along with being the mother of his child. When the new baby comes, bond with him, take a nap together with him in your arms, sing him lullabies, and take little walks with him while pushing his stroller. Quality time strengthens the bonds in families, though its nice to be together too, when you're able to focus singularly on one person for a little while, its very beneficial. It's very special. Congradualtions and good luck :D
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 Just make sure you include your daughter all through your pregnancy, and talk excittedly about her getting to be a big sister and how you will want her to help mummy look after the baby. Kinda like a team effort that you are taking on together.
One thing that could help when bub is actually born is that if you could ask a few close friends - who you know are going to get the bub a welcome to the world gift - if they would mind getting a 'big sister' gift at the same time. It can be a $2 little thing, a 6 year old won't have a concept on that, but it will make her feel included and special too when all the well wishers are turning up doting on the new baby.
A thing a friend did to include her older child with the arrival of the new one, was narrowed the babies name down to two choices and then let the older child choose which one, ...and of course he was as proud as punch of his new little brother that he got to name and was stuck to him like glue from day dot.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
The important thing is that you involve your daughter with your new baby. Make sure she gets to hold the baby with you, help you feed it, things like that. And make sure she helps with all the preparations beforehand too. Sibling rivalry tends to take place with children who don't understand that a new baby needs a lot of care. So if you involve your daughter in the care, she will understand more. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 February 2010):
 Funny thing about love, the more people you have to share it between the more you have to share.
Your little girl will be fine, buy her a present to give her when the baby arrives, from the baby, make sure you involve her in the preparations, buying clothes or a baby bath, repainting a crib, let her chose a few of the items, you'll all be fine, I wish your all the very, very best!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 February 2010):
 I think if your daughter seems excited about the new baby then you dont need to worry too much, I'm sure she will adapt to it well and love having a little brother or sister to play with.
My work colleague is currently pregnant with her second child and she is worried how her little girl will react when it is born - so she has been teaching her how to look after a baby and that sort of thing so she knows all about it before the baby is born. So she's bought her a doll, and clothes and bottles for it etc so she can play with it but at the same time learn how to hold a baby, how to be gentle with the baby etc. Maybe this is worth a try? Get your daughter involved with looking after the new baby and teach her what to do before it is born so she is prepared for when it comes.
I think if your daughter feels like she is helping you to look after the new baby she will feel important because you are involving her with this new, important part of your life.
It is normal for the eldest child to always feel a little left out when they see their mum with a new baby because they feel like they are not the centre of attention any more. So you should expect this - but normally it doesnt last much more than a month or so. I think it is actually more common for the mum's to be more worried about how their first child will react than the child is actually worried about it themselves. Children are amazing at adapting to new situations, they will surprise you every time. So as long as you are fairly prepared for maybe a few sulky moments and a few tantrums then you and your daughter will be fine.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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