A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I recently found out that the guy I've been seeing for many years has been having an affair. I found this out after that wrenching, knawing feeling in my gut drove me to do some investigation work on the internet.. and sure enough.. because so many people share their life story on networking sites.. I found all sorts of bits and peices on this girl's myspace page.Anyway, as soon as I had the closure I wanted, I emailed my boyfriend and told him never to come near me ever again. He sent me back some half-assed explanation for the affair.. but has no idea who I've spoken to or how I've found out.It's been over a month since that last contact, where I shut him out of my life and planned to move on forever. I've been doing really well.. well as good as can be expected after finding out from reading this girl's page that the affair has possibly gone on for the entire time we were together.Anyway, recently mutual friends of ours (who are surprisingly still spending time with him even after what I've told them I've discovered) have told me that he's really upset and would like to talk with me about what happened.I immediately told my friends to tell him I've moved on and to have a good life. But I feel that I'm missing out on some kind of closure by doing this. Don't get me wrong, I am no pushover. There is absolutely no way in hell that I would take back a guy that could do this to me, but I would like to hear WHAT he would say to justify why this happened. He has been very depressed for a long time and I can't help but think it's to do with his mental state. I know there is no excuse. I think trying to understand his actions helps me not to feel angry.. because anger's such a horrible feeling.. it just eats away at you.Do you think I should give him one opportunity to try and explain what happened and why? Or do you think I should just cut my losses and never talk to him again. Keep in mind, I'm only talking about an EXPLANATION, or an ATTEMPT at one.. (aware that it may not even be genuine or honest).. but it's still killing me with curiousity to see what he would say. There is no chance in hell he would be allowed back in my life in ANY way whatsoever.Thanks for reading. Look forward to hearing what you think.Lizette
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affair, depressed, move on, myspace, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Mixed opinions I see. Thank you everyone for your answers. I'll remember what you had to say if the opportunity does come my way, because I won't be approaching HIM. He would have to come to me.. and in person as well. I want him to look into my EYES and tell me (his version) of what happened.. and hopefully they'll be some honesty mixed in there as well, but I won't hold my breath.
A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (26 February 2010):
Go for it, listen to his explanation, maybe you can both get something out of it. Dont expect much, most affairs dont have any explanation other than i was weak or i was too cowardly to break one of them off. And if that is the truth, they never say it anyway.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
Don't look for closure. You won't get it. He's had a month to think of some big lie to tell you. Don't listen to a word. The best thing you can do is move on and continue as you are. He'll only lie. People always look for closure when it is better to just accept. It's harder to accept, of course. But it's better than listening to a load of crap. And remember if you give him the chance to explain, he gets to feel better about it all. Let him rot.
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A
female
reader, i want him +, writes (26 February 2010):
dont even go there babe, once a cheat always a cheat, just carry on with your life go out for some girly nites and enjoy urself. u mite even meet the man of ur dreams and then ur say why was i even wiv that dirty cheat.
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