A
female
age
30-35,
*eather016
writes:My boyfriend has a lot of responsibilities. Parents etc. He works hard too. We found out I am pregnant but he doesn't seem to pay any attention to me anyway. When I asked him to spend more time with me after work, he recently questioned me if I wanted him to give up everything just to satisfy me. He would complain about not getting to go to the gym. In other words, he'd rather spend time in gym than with me. We don't get to spend much time during the weekends because he's busy with work. So you can calculate how much time he really has for me. I am extremely upset how I even had to go for my first check-up alone. And now that he made such a remark on how he wants to go to gym and how spending time with me is as though giving up his lifestyle, it adds salt to the wound. Worse, I found out that he was texting flirty messages with another woman on the day I got back from my first check-up. I was holding the ultrascan on one hand and another hand holding his phone and found out! So upset. Is it normal for me to get upset? Am I extra sensitive because I'm pregnant?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (9 May 2012):
you are not overreacting, I personally would be freaking out in the same situation! putting the gym before your pregnant girlfriend?! please consider the other answers that have been posted on this page, I wish you the best
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): He doesn't want the baby and he's not into you. You cant change someone else and force them to care more than they do. Also if he doesn't want the baby but you do I suggest you go it alone without him. You cant force someone who doesn't care and doesn't want, into caring and wanting. It would also be unfair to disregard his explicit wish to not have this baby and to force him against his will into fatherhood. It is your body. If YOU are the only one who wants the baby that's fine. You then should bear the sole responsibility for the child and he can legally sign away his parental rights.He may change his mind when the baby is born. Or he may not. If he doesn't feel its not right to force him to go along the rest of his life with your decision. So its great that you're looking forward to motherhood. But you need to stop expecting him to behave as if he too feels the same way, because he doesn't and you should therefore go it alone without him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): WOW young lady its time to wake up. He dosnt want you or the baby. He told you to get an abortion. Just becuase you are excited dosnt mean he is.In his eyes you have ruined his life, he is not ready to settle down and play daddy...You can't expect him to be supportive and loving if it is something that he dosnt want. Smiling at an ultrasound is not enough.Have you thought about what you are goign to do when you break up? its likley that you will, If he is flirting with other women and spending time away from you taht tells me that his mind is already gone. Just guilt is keeping him aroud. You need to start planning for yourself and your child.I know you may think what I have said is harsh but I think you really need to be prepared, You are very youg and this is huge to take on yourself.... Really think about what you are going to do after he goes, who are you going to lean on for support etc?Good luck
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 If it's something you're mentally able to do, you should seriously consider abortion. This guy will not be there for you. He isn't there for you now, he certainly won't be if you have a baby. I think rather than trying to talk to the father, you should make an appointment at a women's clinic to talk over your options. They won't try to pressure you into anything and will help you come to the right decision for you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 April 2012):
 1. Think long and hard about getting an abortion. It's a very serious matter.
2. This guy hasn't made you priority for a reason...you aren't one.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (17 April 2012):
You may hear this a lot and i dont mean to preach, however do you know how many times ive heard its not the right time to have a baby and that they arent ready? Then when the baby is actually there, they realize it was the perfect time? But if you really cannot have a baby, would you consider adoption? I have been through an abortion once, pill form. I can honestly say it was emotionally scarring, very painful, and lasted nearly twelve hours. I never realized what it entailed until i actually went through it. I would never do it again. Then again i have had friends that have also had abortions and for them it was the right thing to do. In the end thats what matters what you want and whats right for you. I also think it may very well be in your best interest to end the relationship. My advice for you is to think about what you would like for your life. Do you want a man that is self sufficient but also cares more for himself? Are you ready to have a baby or to go through an abortion? Think it thru. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, heather016 +, writes (17 April 2012):
heather016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's surprised about the pregnancy because I am on the pill. He suggested an abortion and although I really want to keep the baby, I know it's not the right time to have a baby at the moment. I am still very excited about my baby and glad that I'm a mother although I would have to let it go eventually. He feels guilty about the abortion but he agrees that the timing isn't right.
My point is, I feel very annoyed that even when I am pregnant with his child, he has other priorities above me. He smiled when I showed him the ultrascan. But I couldn't even reach him when I got a positive on the pregnancy test kit. He wasn't there for the first check-up. Even though pregnancy is something huge, I'm still not his priority. Gym over extra time with me. Am I just being irrational or something is wrong? Maybe he would do well just without me. I am considering of ending the relationship after the abortion because he doesn't even have time for something so important. How would he have time for a petty matter like spending time with me?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 April 2012):
I too would like to know whether he's happy about your pregnancy, was it planned?
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (17 April 2012):
Youll have to excuse me for posting twice my phone only lets me write so many characters per post and i have more advice. Lastly get the date for your next appointment and invite him tell him you know hes busy but it would mean a lot to you if he could come. Be aware that sometimes he wont be able to come to all of them, but there are a few big ones he cant miss like the 16/20 week ultrasound where they do a detailed ultrasound and you really get to see your baby. You also can choose to know your babies sex, if your baby cooperates. Communication truely is key to resolving things with your bf. And plz dont be shy and give us updates. Good luck and congrats on your baby.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 April 2012):
 The only thing that you seem to be sensitive to is the INSENSITIVITY (and jerkiness!) of your "boyfriend"..... He sounds like a child who hasn't grown up.....
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (17 April 2012):
Its true that pregnancy can make you terribly irrational and things that normally you wouldnt give a second thought to suddenly get under your skin. Its possible you could have twisted his words when he said he needed to go to the gym. But i think any woman with her first child would be a little hurt that their partner couldnt make it to the first ultrasound. Just as they may also be upset about flirty text messeges. What i want to know is his reaction to your pregnancy. Is he excited, nervous, worried perhaps? Does he express concern for the baby? My advice to you is to sit down and talk with him. But i stress do not come at him, talk gently and make the issues about you so he doesnt feel attacked. Tell him that you felt like he was choosing the gym over you and that you know you maybe overreacting but you feel very alone right now. Tell him what you found on his phone and ask him about it but dont accuse. He could get defensive about it but simply tell him you need reassurance and that you love him.
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