A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im a 33 year old woman. 18 months ago i got into a relationship with a 20 year old guy and he moved in with me i know he`s alot younger and i wont lie, it has been hard(even thou i look alot younger than i am) about 9 months ago i found out that i was pregnant. at that time my partner was at college and i was in the middle of moving house. even thou i wanted to keep it, my partner wanted me to terminate... so thats what i did and because i was further gone than i expected i had to go through giving birth to it.. it killed me inside and have regretted it ever since.. as i saw it was all formed but very very small.(nobody explained what was going to happen) ive never got over it and when i try and talk about it my partner says itwas a really bad experence and that he dont want to talk about it.i sometimes blame him, because i wanted it and he didnt and it has caused us to argue and disagree about things.my partner works alot at the moment and wehardly spend any time together and when we do..he usually falls asleep.he gives me very little for housekeep, for which he overspends alot more than he gives for shopping and stuff.around 2 weeks ago i suspected my worstest fear that i may have fallen pregnant again, so i told my partner. since telling him he has been picking fights with me...saying that im always starting on him,when its him. he goes telling his friends at work about problems that we have been having, but always gives them a story as where im to blame for everything. (as i found out from 1 of his mates)they have been telling him to leave me and gives him advice,when not knowing the full story. he says that he loves me and that he really cares about me, but never eally shows it. i do everything for him.i support him in everything that he wants to do, but dont ever bet his support for anything i want to do...hes always willing to take and never gives anything back.i feel as thou he has taken me for granted and had used me to get where he is today.ive started making him do things for himself (washing his cloths etc) so he can see how much i actually do for him.this week he came home from work saying that his work mates do this and do that and that there misses do this and that...then said that he is fed up with the arguements and if it doesnt change he wants to move out,but not completely finish with me.this morning i did a home pregnancy test before he went to work and it was positive..im gutted. im so confused. i really want to keep it, but again he is saying to go to the doctors and get the pill to terminate it again and then just left for work. i really dont know what to do for the best and would really like somebody elses view on this. as i dont know where to turn..should i keep this baby or terminate it..and am i being taken for a mug..is he using me to get what and where he wants...i hope you can help me decide. thanks
View related questions:
at work, moved in, pregnancy test, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you xx Reading your reply really rang true to me and i have since thrown him out..i am feeling lost now as i havent got to do everything for him.i have since discovered that he was cheating on me and had a child with another woman. so his ententions was to make me think i was paranoid.. so he could get away with it... i feel as thou i cant trust anybody, as most my friends knew what was going on. so im just taking one stap at a time.im sure things cant get any worst than it is...but i am still holding my head up high.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunatly after 11 weeks of pregnacy. I went for a scan after spotting blood and found out the baby had died and i had to go in for an operation to remove the featus. Im still with him and he has not changed one bit. He didnt even come to the hospital with me after me pleading with him to do so. I know im a fool to myself and im trying to gain the confidence to leave him. He has started to hit me alot and always says daily that i am a paranoid freak and that he hates me. Then after he will say he was saying it because he was angry. So its really hard to know if im coming or going. He can act so nice and then as soon as he see or hears from his mates or family if turns into this nasty person. Just thought i would update and let you all know whats happened since. xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I think that's great!! and your very welcome!!
Me and my boyfriend have decided that I should get pregnant again at the end of this year =] so it's good news for us both I guess!!
Good luck and congratulations!!
Stay strong
Cat x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you cat x i too think this may of been a sign and im keeping the baby. its been a great help and has took alot of weight off my head. thanks chick xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I can't believe that! By the sounds of it he is self centred and expects a lot from you with little in return. You need to show him you want respect because that is what you deserve 100%!! I wish I could come and give you a cuddle I can't bare to think of what you've been through and he clarly doesn't understand!! I had an abortion in January and it destroyd me, I wasn't told what was going to happen properly and it all happened too fast. It was the worst mistake of my life and I would go to the eds of the earth to get my baby back... but you need to be strong now because yu have been blessed with another child!!! That is amazing!! I know it must be hard because of your boyfriends opinion but by the sounds of it he's trying t push you into it yet again so don't let him! You shouldn't have t go through with it again and so suddenly! You need time to think of YOUR own opinion if you want this baby then have it regardless!! He is just a scared little man who needs to look at his actions a lot deeper after all it isn't just something you can be constantly throwing away!! Don't do something for him do it for yourself even i it means him leaving you and quite frankly is he's goin to do that because you are pregnant he's not worth having!
Just ignore what he tells his friends and next time hencomes home and tells you what they have said make sure you reply that they are not in your relationship! YOU are and you will do things the way you want them to be done and not the way other people do! If he doesn't respect you why should you do his washing? He needs t earn to grow up and look after himself and learn to repsect you!!
In the case f him moving out well you need to decide whether or not you want this baby and if so you need to start demanding that he respects you and stand up for yourself and tell him your having it if he goes then thats that because a baby cannot grow up in that kind of confusion. Both decisions need to be well thought about and considered.
I wish you all the best of luck and congratulations! I would see it as Gods way of telling you it's time to bring someone new into the world. If you decide to get rid of it then make sure its your decision and not his. x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I think that you should keep the baby don't get rid of it because it not a nices thing to do and if you want the baby then why don't you keep it
Don't get rid of it because of he wants you too.
When i first found out that i was pregnant i told my bf that i was pregnant and he said to me that i can keep the baby if i want to and i said yes i would like too.
I had the baby 5wks n 1day ago but it was early 5wks early throw and its a baby boy
I think that i mite be pregnant again and if i'm im going to keep it not get rid of it because it not a good idea
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i finally got him to spare me some of his time..which was all of 10 minutes so he can say he doesnt want it and then started to fall asleep on the sofa and when i woke him and said to him that he was falling asleep and not listening..he just replyed that he was listening, but couldnt tell me what i was talking about. how selfish he is being.. i have known for a while that this wasnt a normal relationship...well if you could say it was a relationship to begin with..i dont hear girls saying that there partners call them ugly .. seems as thou ive been in a relationship with myself all this time and ive just gained a lodger that is lazy and just taking the piss out of me. thanks for all of your advice..it has really helped me.. i knew..but he has always said that its me to fault and that im overreacting and trying to control him.. and i was starting to believe him. well im gonna pack his clothes tomorrow when he is in work and have it waiting on the door step for when he gets home. dont know what i would of done without the advice i have recieved ....MANY THANKS xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much... its a relief to talk to someone. your advice has really helped me.. Thanks again xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (7 May 2009):
 i think that you should think of whats right for you for a change, you seem to be the one making all the effort in this relationship. You are older, yes, and alot more mature than him, to think that he has just made yet another baby with you then decides for you just to abort it yet again, just shows how immature he really is. A pill that aborts a baby wil do just that but its yourself to has to deal with the feelings afterwards. Are you really ready to abort another baby?? it seems he's quite selfish enough just to forget about the child once its gone and personally i dont think he's grown up enough to bring up a child.
You shouldn't feel pressurised into giving him what he wants, which is basically a free ride. He wants you to be the one to do the washing and shopping and contributing to the household but think to yourself, why should you? Relationships are a 2 way thing and it seems that this one is practically just one way. How about telling him to take one day off work to air your feelings? You do really need to talk this through with him because he can't just kepp making babies and expecting you to abort them everytime.
there is an obvious reason for these arguments that you are having so you need to talk them through, if he feels as if he needs to leave then i would let him. Once hes gone for a few days and realises how good he has it with you he will come back with his tail between his legs
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (7 May 2009):
 hun he is obviously not ready to have a child yet as he clearly is still a child himself.
he isn't matured enough yet to want a child he couldn't handle the responsibility of looking after one that's why he is telling you to get rid of it because he doesn't want to be tied down having kids this is the problem with the age gap you are ready to settle when he clearly doesn't want too he still wants random nights out with mates and girlfriends that he's not going to settle with.
i reckon you should leave him and keep the baby because you clearly want one and he clearly don't want to be in a family situation with you you are better to keep the child and find a real family man rather than a guy who is still not matured.
and he said he would move out but not completly finish with you... i reckon he means still call you up when he is horny and lonely and that's not what you want.
he's still a young lad at heart and still has alot of maturing to do in his life until he knows he is ready to settle down and start a family.
he clearly doesn't know how much giving up a child hurt you he says he is hurt but he has NO idea how much it would hurt you because from my point of view you are half way to making your own family and you SHOULDN'T! give that up just because a guy tells you too if a guy tells you to do that he's not worth being with and he's certainly not the one for you.
hope this helps. hun.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I don't really understand how bad your relationship with him.
In my opinion, a guy who really love his partner will never ask her to abort the baby. Besides, the baby is innocent.
Like you said, he never shows he loves you. Maybe he doesn't? If he cares about the relationship, he would have talk about it, trying to fix it, not by saying moving out but not completely over.
You deserve someone better than him.
...............................
|
