A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is my man Gay?I've just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has been calling a gay chat line every time i'm out of the house. this has been happening for about 5 months.He tells me that he had an addiction to sex chat lines about 8 years ago which he stopped when he moved in with a friend as they had a shared house phone.I asked him if he is Gay and he says NOHe says the reason he first called a gay line was because his girlfriend 8 years ago told refused to have anal sex with him and told him that asking for it made him gay. He called thegay chatline to try to figure thid out and found that talking to men (especially married men and men in relationships) turned him on alot. It became so addictive that he was doing it many times a day.He tells me he is not sure why he started again recently. He thinks it could be that he has been feeling low and wanted cheering up. Also he has had a severe dip in his libido and he finds getting aroused more and more difficult(he is 35 and i am 22 so could that be due to his age). He calls the chat room to talk to men about anal sex and one fantasy where he is tied up and teased by a woman while her husband watches. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. He says he doesn't fancy men, he would never want to kiss a man but he finds them exciting to talk to about anal sex and he gets a high from doing something which he feels is wrong a disgusting. He also says the low after his awful because he feels ashamed and guilty. He says if i stay with him he will try to never do it again.I have talked at length with him to try and understand but i can't help feeling he might begayand just won't accept it. I don't want to stay with him to find out in the future that it's something he can't supress.Any help on this is most greatly apreciated
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 May 2009):
He's not gay, as he wouldn't be with you if he was.
If he's willing to experiment with you in the house, why wouldn't he will willing to experiment while single? Why go out and get a girlfriend? It makes no sense.
He could however be bi-curious.
He's curious about his sexuality and has found a new thing that turns him on. That doesn't mean he likes men as much as women.
It's not as simple as "you like both sexes equally or just one sex."
This is his money and his life. As long as you know he is not going to do anything you consider cheating and that he loves you then let him be himself and do what he wants.
If you can't accept that your man isn't 100% straight then go elsewhere. There are plenty of open minded women out there who would take him on and be happy with him so don't hold him back.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (7 May 2009):
 his problem is not a gay one but simply a severe addiction to financially draining porn hotlines. why would you want to be with someone who has a compulsion to waste their money. to me a person like that is not a viable long term option. alcohol, cocaine, porn, slot machines-not good at caring about a relationship due to their main love which is their addiction.
good luck-you deserve better and life is far shorter than you realise at the time so dont WASTE any time
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (7 May 2009):
his problem is not a gay one but simply a severe addiction to financially draining porn hotlines. why would you want to be with someone who has a compulsion to waste their money. to me a person like that is not a viable long term option. alcohol, cocaine, porn, slot machines-not good at caring about a relationship due to their main love which is their addiction.
good luck-you deserve better and life is far shorter than you realise at the time so dont WASTE any time
...............................
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