A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my girlfriend for over 1 year and 6 months and she wanted me to give up p*rn after we first had intercourse which i understand but i failed about 4 times breaking her heart which made me relise what a twat ive been about it and for over 1 year i havent done anything but yesterday i was doing art B-tec on anima nd it for sum reason sent me to a porno video how do you think she will take it ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Well well well how interesting - here is a young man that has made it crystal clear that he chosen to stop watching porn for the good of his relationship and out of respect for his partner, and yet there are all these people here insisting that he's in the wrong and that he should go back to looking at it regardless of his gf's feelings. Hmmm how strange, why could this be? could it be that these people are feeling uncomfortable that there are others that can show restaint and respect when they can't/don't? Or maybe they are partners who have been convinced to accept it because "everyone does it" and now they feel a bit cheated? You are clearly a mature and thoughtful guy and for what it's worth i think if you told her about the email - not because she might find out but because it's been on your mind and you want her to know that you are still staying away from porn, it may even reinforce the trust between you. I know if my partner was that honest with me I have a lot of respect for him :-)
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Just forget it. You don't have to tell her. You didn't actively look it out. and If she has major issues with porn, it might just be best to leave it be.
Also, GOOD ON YOU. Seriously. stopping porn for your girlfriend? Seriously. It's nice to see a guy who values his girlfriend's feelings more than porn. I wish there were more guys like you.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (17 February 2011):
Maybe your girlfriend sent you the porn to test you. Tell her you got the porn and why not watch it together.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Why does she need to know if it's just this one spam?
I find it pretty disturbing that he decided to stop watching porn because it bothered his girlfriend and rather than answer his question, people are encouraging him to start watching porn again and even to dump his girlfriend for porn...
Don't go back to hiding your porn use. You stopped for a reason, it was really hurting her and destroying her trust in you. You just made her trust you a million times more and by getting her trust back, you've strengthened your relationship. Don't make a deal over the email, just try not to let her know.
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A
female
reader, LostInMyself +, writes (17 February 2011):
 What is so wrong about porn? the more you forbid it the more tempting it becomes. I'm a girl and I LOVE porn, me and my partner use it as inspiration for our intercourse, it's not like im attracted to the guys or like hs is looking at it for the girls. Really? I mean its just porn , that attitude makes ppl hide stuff, so jsut hide it from her cuz she is a psycho.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): She doesn't need to know does she? Or is she the kind of girl that asks about that kind of thing? Or does she check up on you?
Dude it's very easy to hide porn use from your girlfriend. We are allowed to have privacy you know. I'm with my girl 5 years now and we both still have things we keep private. Just delete the file and don't tell her, easy.
Personally I wouldn't have agreed to stop watching porn, it's no ones business what I do when I'm alone masturbating not even my girlfriend's, although she knows and doesn't mind anyway. But if she did mind I just wouldn't tell her and clean my tracks, that's about it.
Just so you know man, this whole idea of always being completely open and honest about *everything* is not the way to do things. People say that all the time like it's set in stone, that it's rule or something. If it has absolutely no bearing on your relationship, if it doesn't have any effect on your girlfriend at all or if knowing something might just hurt her needlessly then you're allowed to keep those things to yourself. The most successful relationships I've had including this one, we both had the ability to keep things to ourselves and to lie if necessary to protect the other. Only in small things though, like when her hair is shit looking or the new pants she bought make her legs look horrible, if she likes her hair that way and likes those pants then I'll lie and tell her they look great.
The same goes for porn usage. It's not a big deal.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (17 February 2011):
 You were sent a porn video. You didn't go seeking it out and even if you did you're a red blooded male. I don't see anything wrong with watching porn, it's harmless. It's not like you or anyone for that matter will ever actually get to sleep with one of them.
It's up to you to tell your gf about it or not. I personally would just delete it and forget about it and then think about putting up a firewall to prevent it from happening again if it's such a big deal.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (17 February 2011):
I think than your girlfriend made a big mistake by asking you to quit porn. Something very funny is, most women here on DC jump into questions when a man wants a woman to change her behaviour and start questioning "why do you want to change other people", "you have to accept people just like they are". Where are this women right now?
Well, I will try to make some justice. :) You have to let your girlfriend know that she doesn't have the right to change you. She met you when you used p*rn. And she took you as you were. P*rn is not cheating, and is part of 99% of couples. Sometimes that fact is known by one side of the couple only.
If she couldn't take a guy who watches p*rn she should have chosen another one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): I... have to think you're girlfriend isn't actually very understanding lol. If she thinks porn is going to be her biggest competition.
I think porn can be healthy in a relationship, gives both partners a change to oogle other people as it were, without any real threat to the relationship because - honestly - are you going to get involved with the porn star you see on tv? It's an outlet, a real, useful, valid outlet and your girlfriend could be a little more understanding about that. Maybe invite her to watch it with you? That might make it seem a little less threatening.
On the other hand, this might be because she's smacked you on the wrist for it and so you're finding it harder to say no, but if you can't back away from the porn willingly you might consider whether or not you're developing an addiction to it. If it's starting to affect your life as well... but if it's only affecting your relationship maybe it's not such a big deal for the reasons above but just something to consider :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): I would say if your partner doesn't like parts of you then that is her problem not yours. Don't change who YOU are just to make somebody else happy. If you are happy watching porn then continue watching porn...it is your choice, not your girlfriends. If your girlfriend truly loves you then she shouldn't be that bothered about you watching porn, it is not like you are having sex with other people you are simply watching it for pleasure and i don't see anything wrong with that :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Seriously? If you want to watch porn, do it. Don't bother hiding it. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is I'm sure.
I see many men who live under the gun like this. They spend countless nights on the couch because of some BS like this. You know what the best part is? Their wives and girlfriends do not even respect them for being so sensitive to their feelings/wants/demands. They kick them around like a dog.
If you start living your life where you're daily goal is to tip toe around mine fields in a futile attempt to avoid getting into trouble, you're destined for a Hemmingway Solution.
Changing who you are will lead to an absolute train wreck of a relationship. Eventually, you'll get tired of her crap and want to escape. The trouble is, usually you'll have kids and destroy their lives in the process of breaking up.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Look, I have respect for women and all. I try and be the one to mediate and comprimise the most, as I am really laid back, but SHE IS NUTS.
She is too immature to realize that masturbation, male and female, is both natural and necessary. There are thousands of benefits to masturbation for btoh males and females.
If your sex drive is too much for her, and she cannot satisfy your sexual desires, then you should not be with her.
Unless you are watching porn INSTEAD of having sex with your girlfriend, she needs to back off and mature.
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A
female
reader, auntieloulou +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Be honest with her; if someone sent you it then you had no control over it and did not choose it. as long as you deleted it then you will be fine. she will probably be upset about it at first; she seems to be a little insecure possibly? if your just open and honest about it then theres nothing more you can do.
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A
female
reader, lucy.whittaker +, writes (17 February 2011):
 There have been a handful of questions like this on here this morning, and to all of them I say the same thing. Porn is a totally natural thing. There is nothing wrong with looking at it. Unfortunately it's a fact that a lot of women don't understand.
It's good if you are open with her in your relationship, but on the other hand does she need to know that you were sent this link? It depends on whether you're comfortable with not telling her. By the sounds of it she will freak out at you, regardless of what you explain. This is because she has an irrational attitude to pornography and won't accept what you say, even if you didn't look at it. It's a really difficult one, because her attitude is one that might never change. She thinks she has the moral highground. Even if she's very misguided in that opinion she'll be very fixed in it.
I wish I could offer more help, but unfortunately that's the way it stands. If you want to be with her you may have to go without, but it's very selfish and closed minded of her. You could try and sit down and have an adult conversation with her about it, but I can't say if you'd get very far.
Good Luck,
Lucy XxX
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