A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So often I seem to see questions posted by women hurt by their partners use if porn. So many men seem to feel justified in using it even when in committed relationshis. The question I have is how it can possibly be fair to women? So often a couple get together or marry and have a child. Regardless of the fact they both get the privelidge of being parents te mans body does not suffer Ina way a womens does. Even the healthiest and fittest of women usually endsup with some sags or stretch marks yet the men see to think it's ok to continue looking at porn with women who have cleary never had a child, expecting it to have no effect on her body image. Ten they wonder why so many women go off sex with their husbands. How us this fair to women when we make make such a sacrifice to have their children yet they clearly hold the pre baby body as their ideal and masturbate over it expecting us to feel ok about this.
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female
reader, Skyechel +, writes (12 January 2010):
i think it's sooo wrong for the husband/b-friend to be looking at porn when he has a wife or girlfriend, especially not long after the birth of a child because it makes us women feel unloved unwanted and it makes us look at our figures, yes i agree women shouldnt let themselfs gp after birth but come on guys it obvious our body is gonna be diffrent after birth. it takes the womans body a whole year to go back to the way it wasd before birth bar the strech marks, my partner looks at lots of diff sex sites when i first found out i practicaly had a break down coz it was straight after the birth of our son that i started to notice these sites, and pghotos on his phone, personaly it makes me feel hurt)i thought he loved my body, angry that hes hiding things from me, its been going on for 14 months now and i cant even get rid of the laptop +ps3 + wii, plus he has the best phone, which hes constantly on, its a losing battle, and when i drop hints that a g/friend of mine has caught her man on these sites, all he sais is i wouldnt do that, my fiance is perfect in every way bar the pornograph, and its affecting our sex life, he wont with me but promises he will, when i ask he has an excuse but when he wants it, its always a b/job so to me, hes not even thinking about me its the skinny big boobs he loves, im 10 half stone baby belly strech marks, see this is now me thinking all this shit again, which in turn causes arguments over nothingf coz it gets me so rilled up, im now seriousley thinking if this doesnt get sorted soon we will split, and ive not touxched a drop of alchohal coz if i do it will all come out but not in a nice way. well better stop im supposed to be helpinh but ive just rattled on about me and my probs sorry, Dee x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): 50 pounds is ridiculous and I don't know any woman who thinks like that but as a midwife I can assure any female readers that a permanents weight gain of around 2.5 kilos per child is completely normal and that the female body is designed to hold a little extra weight in the childbearing years. Stretch marks and some sagging of the Brady is also a normal result of pregnancy for most women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Men are visual beings,Women are verbal beings. If women truly loved their men,,they wouldn't read those trashy romantic sex novels.?!?!!?!!Gee one sex reads about sex the other looks at sex. There is no difference. Do men care if their significant other reads trashy romantic sex novels? no. Why do women feel the need to compare themselves to visual porn stars ?? whether reading it on a page or seeing it on a screen, it is still about sex. And human's are sexual beings. It's not a comparison contest. Men do understand women may change after having children, this may sag, breasts may droop, etc. But what is not sexy is when women get the mind set "well I gave birth, so I'm entitled to be 50-100 pounds overweight, completely out of shape, totally disinterested in sex, etc". Women can not turn off the "I'm a sexual being or, I'm not sexy" switch then expect the men to be happy about that. If women want men to see them as sexy and desirable,, women have to have the mind set "I am sexy" and put some effort into being physically attractive. Work out some get into shape, quite eating for 2, work at it and effectively communicate to your husband You want to be in shape and sexy to him. Chances are very good he'll help you all he can, and encourage you to reach your goal. First women have to set that goal of being "hot and sexy",, mentally and physically.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Ten names of Male porn stars famous for their looks please? Can't give them obviously
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Since the beginning of time. I challenge u to name ten famous attractive male porn stars.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Nine times out of ten the men in porn are fat hairy pigs. How would this be unfair to any husband? The op has a point
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 I am not in favor of porn for aesthetic reason, but sex is something to be shared by partners. Lack of sharing do harm. Male feel loneliness, and even female also have the same feeling in absence of sharing and caring.
Anyway, sex is universal, and love making is personal-subjective. It will help both if realize the difference between universal and particular.
Female can do many good even after having children also. Children are not block. Body figure do not have much appeal. Intimacy make sense. To look at beauty [ male's or female's] is one thing and it will not harm relationship.
Sex call highest understanding. Supreme realization. It is not only just body play or just mental fantasy, but an integrating act. My personally chosen partner is not at all beautiful bodily, but intellectually most exciting...Sex really exists and meant in mind. See,body is visible soul,and soul is invisible body....is the true understanding.
Both can share everything because sex has much more to offer...it is limitless giver, and our mind also know no limit.
Just learn and practice tantric way of loving, which will open total universe for life.
Foreplay [ by avoiding ejaculation as far as possible], is the method, sure to keep fresh for all life. If need guidance on this method...just mail me personally. Or make Google search for Tantric sex...and call for my guidance. There is no need to be racist. This male are such and such...is not way of good learning. Sex itself is the greatest master so far teaching and learning is concerned.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (27 December 2009):
 I completely understand that many women feel utterly devastated by porn. In the eyes and minds of many women, porn is merely an excuse for a man to ogle an incredibly beautiful woman, with a body sculpted in heaven. He can fantasise over what he would like to do to her, and masturbate over those thoughts and her picture.
Unfortunately, there is an element of truth in that.
If I were the maker of a porn film, I wouldn't use actresses with stretch marks, or scars, or any other characteristic that might 'distract' the male audience from the basic point of the movie - sexual arousal.
The same goes for ordinary movies like 'Titanic', 'Mr and Mrs Smith', or 'Hitch'.
In film and fantasy, the creators use good looking actors and actresses. The above three films - females, Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie, and Eva Mendes. Males - Leonardo Di Caprio, Brad Pitt, and Will Smith. Who WOULDN'T like to see those people naked!
And I imagine a decent percentage of women think about a favourite actor or celebrity while they masturbate.
I am not trying to justify why men watch porn. I am merely trying to suggest that many women approach the 'why' from the wrong direction.
Take the three women above. Which one would your man lust after? I personally don't like Jolie that much. She has tattoos, which I am not a fan of, and her body isn't great, her ass is too small, like a boys. Winslet is too 'English', and she has very little sex appeal. I think Mendes is hot as hell. But I prefer my girlfriend to all of them.
Ask a million other men, they give a million different answers.
For men, it is not ALWAYS about staring at a woman on the screen, or in a magazine, like many women here think it is. Women seem to imagine that porn is porn, it's about a woman, and my husband/partner thinks she is sexier and better looking than me.
Well ladies, try to open your minds and eyes to a slight variation on a theme.
Porn isn't all the same, men are all different and your partner has sex with YOU, not an actress.
Again, I am not here to justify the 'why', just hoping to try to explain it.
Men are all different, as are women, so they get aroused by different types of sex.
I see all sorts of questions here, about porn, about why husbands cant get anal or blow jobs, about why women dont like receiving oral, or why a wifes vibrator is better than her husbands penis.
All sorts.
Men watch all sorts of porn. Different sorts of porn arouse different sorts of men. It isn't always about a woman on screen. Porn is a visual arousal tool, and the fact that a woman can see what her partner is getting horny over causes a problem. Mainly because she feels he is getting aroused over another woman.
Women cannot prevent men from masturbating. Men never try to stop women from masturbating, and in any case, unless a woman watches porn too, a man cannot 'see' what turns her on. Which might be just as well.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 When women masturbate, do they think of middle aged men with sagging bellies, wrinkles and hair where it never grew before or do they think of the perfect man? Porn is just a visual tool for the people who use it. By the way, I don't really use or go out of my way to see it. It's not about fair or unfair. It is what it is. I understand how prople in a realtionship can feel uncomfortable if they get out of shape. And yes a woman's body does or can change after having children. A woman can also do her best to keep those changes to a minimum level. Any guy that uses porn to make comparisons about his partner or to try and make her feel bad is a turd. It's up to us to be comfortable in our own skin and it often takes work to get there. Don't forget, the male and female brain works differently when it comes to sex.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 Come on, if you think about this for a few seconds you must see how ridiculous the argument is. Our fantasies are our fantasies they are not politically correct and they are not reasonable.
Are you saying that you would be ok with porn so long as all of the actresses are certified mothers?
Many women fantasise in their own way over romantic heros whether they be a tough guy and Mr Darcy or even a Hugh Grant. Is that not equally unfair? Is it not difficult to be a romantic hero when you have a 3 hour commute to a job in accounting or when your a sales rep for printer cartridges or whatever it is that people do.
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