A
male
age
51-59,
*hevert60
writes:I am married with 2 teenage children. For the last 3 years I have been having an affair with. Beautiful woman 20 years younger - I'm 44. This woman is the most amazing person Ive ever met. She turns heads were ever she goes, her personality shines through everyone.We have had our ups and downs. I admit I've hurt her numerous times over the years with false promises and lies. I cant leave my wife out of weakness.Recently I went on a weekend away without telling my lover- she would surely have left. Instead I faked a stroke and played on it to make it realistic. My lover has found out and needless to say wants nothing to do with me. To make matters worse she has also found emails I sent my wife declaring undying love and saying I was to get my wife's name tattooed on my body- I also told my lover the same thing and this has upset her even more. She has changed her phone number and email. It seems she really has washed her hands of me. I'm devastated as I really do love her and I'll do anything to get her back. Please help, any advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Yeah, I don't think you'll find on Dear Cupid anybody very willing to teach you how to be the perfect bastard and emotionally abuse two women at the time.
That's btw what I love about Dear Cupid- after a while it shows you that , all in all, the world is a better, cleaner place that your cynism makes it .
There are plenty of Aunts and Uncles here, from all countries, age brackets and walks of life. They can't be all saints - they must have their character flaws, weaknesses, faults. In fact, some of them openly admit a rambunctious past, involving jail, drugs, extreme promiscuity and whatnot.
But, when a typical bastard question crops up : " How do I fob off to my bf a child that I actually conceived with another man ? " " What lies can I tell a girl to convince her I love her while I only want to get into her pants ?" etc.etc, ....nobody wants to help. I guess we could, some of us have got a cum-laude from Bastard University in our personal lives.
But, we are here to HELP ( and to pass time, too, nothing wrong with that ). And we know that, eventually, hurting people ,using, abusing, manipulating, never helps. Even if karma does not come back to bite you in your ass ( which most often does )- you get stuck into a quagmire of stress lies deception revenge anger bad feelings - and very low self esteem, because deep down nobody likes to be a despicable,devious loser.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): If you had to have her - you would have left your wife and proposed to her. Sounds like she is done being used. Now I would focus on fixing your marriage or ending it. Not for the lover. But because it's the right thing to do.
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A
female
reader, RosyCheeks87  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 After reading this post, it appears that you are an extremely selfish individual, It's all about what you want, how you want it, and when you want it. Your lover is a young vivacious lady who deserves happiness and not having to deal with the extra bullshit that will eventually drain her of her youth and trust in men. If she knew you that you were married, then I would say she played herself and deserves the karma of playing a part in being dishonest to your spouse. You can't have your cake and eat it too! Why would anyone want to be a part of your life when you have already proven that you don't really know where you want to be, so I wont sugarcoat anything, women want security and security entails having someone who is honest with himself and has a concrete idea as to where he wants to be in life....and it appears you dont.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2011):
 If you must have the lover, then you must leave your wife.
that would be the first step.
if you are willing to do that we can discuss the second step.
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A
male
reader, Shevert60 +, writes (28 May 2011):
Shevert60 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI only came on here for advice but i wont bother in future. I do genuinly love this woman and i know i did wrong but i really need to get her back! I need genuine advice on were to start, ill do anything. I even went to her parents house with flowers in the hope she would ring to thank me. Instead she binned them an told me to move on. I know ive hurt her but i need her in my life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Your lover has left you because you have given her no reason to trust you. Not only is she the "other woman", but she knows you lie to her in other ways by your own admission. Relationships require at least a degree of trust or they will not succeed, and she does not have this trust in you. Additionally, she may have left you because she may have learned that she doesn't want to be in the position of the "other woman", that she would prefer a relationship where she has someone who is devoted to her only and that she can create a shared life with. You are not able to offer her that at this time.You may also want to think about the way in which you love people. Love is not only about your experience and your feelings, caring for other people and behaving in a loving way that has their best interests at heart is a big part of being loving. You may love your wife and mistress, but your actions are not loving to either of them. There is a great deal of manipulation and deceit which can be very damaging to people. This is an opportunity for you to look at your relationships and do a better job than what you are currently doing. Being honest with people and with yourself, and having the courage to do so in difficult circumstances is a good place to start.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011):
Boy, you screwed that up.
Time to focus on yourself and your wife for a while.
Leave your wife if you have to. Maybe your lover will know you are serious if you do and come back. Maybe not. Decision is yours.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You want advice on how to cheat on your wife?
Are you SMOKING CRACK???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): I cant believe you are actually asking this!!!You dont actually deserve a trusting wife OR a trusting lover!!Ha ha ha ha ha I cant sit still for laughing!This really does take the biscuit, you actually expect this poor woman to stay with you hahahahaha!!!!!!!And that's just the lover, won't even start on the wife!You really are thick!You cheated , lied, actually faked illness to cover those lies, you really are a player and a bad one at that,I'm still laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You said yourself, you can't leave the wife because of weakness, What would you even do with her if she came back? don't tell me, the same as before!!!!!What a weak feeble attention seeking man you are, and you expect her to come back to you, I'm so glad she saw you for what you are!!!!
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Its going to be very hard! you really screwed up there.
if you try and contact her she will still be in pain. so you wont succeed with buying her flowers or bieng to mushy. you need to wait until she has got over you.. and then start from scratch.
it sounds verging on impossible to me
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): and yet your still WITH YOUR WIFE
Yawn.
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