A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Before I begin, let me apologize in case I sound like a complete baby. My life is nothing but a huge mess lately, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it so I thought I'd turn here for some advice. I guess it all started when I transferred to a new college in a small town. Being away from home for the first time, I struggled with finding the motivation to do my work, and after two semesters I was academically dismissed. I wasn't out every night partying, although I wish I was so that I'd have a better reason to blame myself with. Around the same time that I found out about my dismissal, I also found out I was pregnant. Because my parents would kill me if they found out, I ended up having an abortion. I couldn't face my parents with the news about school either, and so I've been lying to them for the past year and they think that I am still in school right now and set to graduate this May. I finally managed to tell my mom that I won't be graduating, but she thinks I'm only a semester behind when in reality, I'm two years behind. I've been avoiding telling my dad about it out of fear, and I don't know what to do.After my abortion, I had lost one of the only two friends I had at my school. The other friend recently moved out of state. Also, I'm in about $3000 worth of credit card debt, and I've been trying since August to find a job so I could pay them off but it seems to be in vain because no matter how many applications I put in, I haven't gotten a single call back from anyone. I guess that's what I get for living in such a small town.So I have no friends and no way to even meet any friends because I'm not in school at the moment, nor do I have a job. I spend every single day alone and doing nothing. I'm starting to go crazy and honestly think I'm on my way to being depressed. Sometimes I'll go to the gym, if I find the motivation to do so. Yesterday, I decided to go to a movie by myself but I felt like such a loser being alone. I have no idea what to do or how to get my life back on track. I'm taking two classes on-line in hopes that getting an A grade in each will be good enough to be re-accepted into my old school, but I still have to face my parents. If I don't get re-accepted, then that makes it even harder for me. Any advice for me? Thanks..
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male
reader, Presario2010 +, writes (24 February 2011):
First of don't be so hard on yourself, we all face challanges in our lifes and it seems that you still have some hope for a better future. What i recommend for you is to tell your parents the truths they will be heart broken but if they love you they will try and help you in this difficult time. I suggest that you tell them everything and drop out of school there is no point sticking to a program that is going to eventualy make greater dept for you. I suggest that once you tell your parents the truth and drop out of school for a while, take a few months off and evualate yourself, maybe a college degree right know in your life is not want you realy want or need.I think that this lead to your downfall in college and i think that you are capable of something great. i suggest that you enroll in a church outreach program and start talking about your feelings, i think that college is a hard time for most people and some just jump to it without thinking to much about it. I think that you are worried and sad, i mean you aborted your baby, friends moved away, and you find yourself thinking that you might not be as smart as you think. Trust me from experience i went through the same thing you went through, when i graduated from highschool unlike you i didnt think that i was college material and i barely even graduated, i went to the movies like you alone and went to the gym alone and had no one to talk too like you, i was so depressed and i thought my life was going no where fast and every day i started to think what's the point. One day i woke up and said screw it i don't need anyone and i don't want anyone's help, if i'am going to make something of myself i was going to have to do it alone. I enrolled in the military and you might think that this was a turning point for me to actually have a chance to make my life better but no i was discharged due to medical reasons. You might think that after that i wanted to commit sucide but no i kept my head up and enrolled in a medical program at school and have all a and b's and i didnt need anyone or had anyone to tell me what i had to do and know even if for some reason i dont gruaduate you know what life is too short and there is always something out there for you....you just have to take the time and see. Well anyways i suggest that you enroll in a more less hectice school program some schools offer programs that only last for 2 months. hopes these helps and one thing i will tell you is that your parents do care and your family is the best resource to get over your unhappy momment, dont let someone tell you what you need to do, rather..........tell them what you are going to do.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 February 2011):
There is a time in everyone's life where they make mistakes, and the only option is to just come clean (I've been there). I think you've now reached that moment, and it's very important that you reach out to your parents and tell them what is happening. You'd be surprised at how much it can help to let it all out.
You have several issues here, and a few can be dealt with in a small way by speaking to your parents. I do think that they would want to know that college has gone wrong for you - and that you are also working hard to fix it. I also think that it's essential you speak to them about the debt (maybe they will help you, or at least assist you getting a job so you can start to pay it off). You're not the only one who had bad luck with work - I've finally got a job again after 4 months, so I know that in time it will happen for you.
The abortion and depression are two different things. Your parents might be able to help with the depression to an extent, but I think given what you have been through you would benefit more from speaking to a counsellor about it ASAP. You seem to already be in depression, and it won't get better unless you talk to someone about it all. You've been through too much to handle it all by yourself, and there is no harm in reaching out for extra support.
Please come clean with your parents - I'm not saying they won't be mad, but I am saying that once they get past that, they will hopefully help. Also please see a counsellor for your rising depression and the effects of your abortion. And keep working hard at that Online course too.
Your life may seem like a mess, but by reaching out and continuing to work hard as you are now, you will get through this.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Tell your mother everything that has happened. She will tell her husband, your father, so you don't have to. I think you should give yourself some credit by realizing you want to be "re-accepted" and going back to school. I know a lot of people with a lot less ambition who have a lot more opportunities. Comparatively speaking, I don't think your life is as bad as others I know of but that doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel and think. I think it truly is great you see the value of an education. I wish you much success. Having the desire you do is half the battle.
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