A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help. Desperately. I am in love with two men. Two amazing men. They are both kind, loving, caring, funny, gorgeous and the problem is, they both love me. They both have asked me to marry them in fact. Now to an average person this would sound like a dream.. two great men who worship me, but actually it's been a nightmare. I cannot choose and I am hurting them both. I had a relationship for three and a half years with the first man. He treated me badly and I eventually gave up trying to make him love me. Very soon after we broke up I met the second man. It was like a disney movie - love at first kiss to be exact. He has helped me regain my self esteem and is very supportive. But then the first man reformed. Literally. He has started going to church and has changed into the man I had always believed was inside of him. He can't apologise enough for all the hurt he caused and he is begging for another chance. But the second man is also begging for me to take a chance on him!I hate hurting people,... And I dont know what to do. All I want to do is the right thing. If I end it with either of them, they will not be there if I realise I have made a wrong decision. All I know is I am IN love with the second man, but love the first man and will always love him. Will I grow to love the second like I love the first? I am not sure... And I am so afraid. This is a huge life decision.. I do not want to look back in regret. Any response will be appreciated and I will try to answer any questions if posted. Thank you for hearing my story.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Guy number 2. He took you at your lowest and helped you to your top. Easy for man 1 to come for you now that you're happy and confident again, isn't it? But guy number 2 took you when things were rough and loved you through it. Guy #1 PUT you at your lowest and then came crawling back when you were fixed again.
Also, it might just be a facade. People rarely ever change. A lot of people change for short periods of time to get what they want, and then as soon as they have it and become comfortable they fall back into the same patterns.
Guy #2.
A
female
reader, shanana  +, writes (1 June 2010):
I understand where you are coming from. I think you should go with guy number 2. The first guy has already hurt you, and lowered you self esteem. The second guy picked up the pieces and put you back together. He loves you for who you are. I'm not saying you should marry him right away, but cut guy number 1 loose and focus on guy number 2.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 June 2010):
If you can't choose, end it with both. When the mind and the heart can't make a choice, it means neither decision/person is right and it's time to end it, step back and focus on your own life. Neither man is right for you, and that's why you can't choose.
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