A
female
age
30-35,
*ixiePie
writes:right, here goes...i don't know what to do with myself. in theory my life is good, i'm at college, got a decent relationship with my mum, got an absolutely amazing guy who would do anything for me and has asked me to marry him. but underneath it all things ain't so rosy and i'm going mental with it all.ok i lost my dad four and a half years ago now (that would make me thirteen then) and i absolutely adored the man. i had an awful time getting over it and and had no escape. whenever things got too much. he was my escape, i could go to his and become a kid again but now he's gone and i have no escape. i'm absolutely hating college and that hatred is what set me off on this downward spiral. i want to get a job and earn money to support myself but that is causing friction between me and my mum. i also would like some quality alone time with my man, which we never get outside of the car, and i wouldn't call that quality time.another big issue is that last week i had a huge reminder that about a year and a half ago i was raped, i lost my virginity to that guy and its fucked me up more than i thought it would. but my main problem at the moment is that any little thing will set me off, like just now i was trying to order my mums christmas present online and it was so complicated i gave up and got so angry. i have nowhere that feels like home, nowhere to turn where i feel safe from everything that seems to be bearing down on me and nothing that can bring me out of this depressive state.has anyone got any thoughts or advice, other than a therapist which i don't have time for and have tried before, that can help??
View related questions:
a break, christmas, lost my virginity, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, catchingbubbles  +, writes (2 December 2009):
I should add, make sure you write a letter and not an email.
Emails are too easy to send and give you no time to re-read and edit what you want to say. They are also less personal.
If you write an email, save it as draft and re-read next day before deciding to send it.
A
male
reader, catchingbubbles +, writes (2 December 2009):
Writing a letter to your mother explaining all you feel can help as it removes the possibility of an arguments and gives your mum time to absorb what you have said and how you feel.
In your letter try not to use the word 'you' or the phrase 'you did' concentrate on yourself and the use of 'i' 'i feel like this because..'
Therapy is not just about what type of therapy but who the therapist is, i went through 4 before i found one who really understood and i could connect with.
The only suggestion i can give if don't want to return to therapy is to find someone you can talk to and more importantly who will just listen. Keep a diary and write down how you feel and why you think you feel like that.
A good thing to try is write a letter to you father telling him what has happened and how you feel, i know he is longer here but this really does help.
You can also try these organisations
www.samaritans.org
www.rapecrisis.org.uk
www.youth2youth.co.uk
I worked with the person who setup youth2youth and it is good and advice is given by young people your age.
...............................
A
female
reader, PixiePie +, writes (1 December 2009):
PixiePie is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou so much, i was wondering if anyone had any ideas as how to approach my mum about it without causing an argument, she is quite hot headed and will blow up quickly.
i also wondered if any one had any ideas on therapy other than those given through GP as i've been to those before
many thanks
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Hello im really sorry youve had such a bad time over the past few years. I know what you mean about dad being there for you. I still miss mine too. You need to talk to your mum about how you feel. You sound a little depressed and though you have a good relationship with your mum she needs to be your mum and listen to you and take on board what you have to say. You do need quality alone time with your boyfriend and you need to talk to someone about your down moods. I suspect youve had them before but just want them to go away. Leaving college might not be what your mum wants but if you are really really unhappy there and need to get work and be busy and support yourself, so be it. College isnt going anywhere, it will still be there in a year or so if you feel like returning. I have a feeling you dont like being treated like a child and part of your frustration is that you feel you are. Talk to your mum. All the best
...............................
A
female
reader, bitch  +, writes (1 December 2009):
I think you are suffering from a depression and need help possibly. I think you need to get counseling from the rape you experienced. I think you will be ok if you try to get help and a professional oponion. You sound very smart and I think you should seek out some advice from a professional on how to help yourself through this difficult time you are having at the moment. It could also be hormonal.
...............................
A
male
reader, catchingbubbles +, writes (1 December 2009):
Hello PixiePie, from what you have outlined i feel that you are still grieving for the loss of your father. this has been compounded by the rape and loss of your virginity.
Grief comes in stages, it maybe a few years since your father death but if you have not worked through the issues they will still give you problems.
Read this link for more info
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief
I don't know if you have sort professional help for both issues, if you have i would advise returning to it if not the seek out a grief councillor.
I sense your anger is directed at men and even your father for leaving you when you most need him, though as you loved him you cannot be angry with him so you angry with yourself and others.
Your issues need professional help but you will need support that you will get from others here at well.
I wish you well, read the link i sent you and see if can work out if your are still grieving, if so allow yourself to complete this process.
Have you spoken to you mother about how you feel and the loss of your father, being angry is ok is it part of the process.
Good luck
...............................
|
