A
male
age
30-35,
*ellotrees
writes:I'm planning to have a loveless life (no relationship, no sex). Work in a non-governmental organization and totally dedicate myself to humanitarian and environmentalist activities. It's not that bad, I guess...It would be tough since I'm really passionate and I always dreamt about having a bf, however, there are alternative pleasures out there, such as: food, drinks, books, art, friends...Don't be naïve, I have my reasons. I realised that homosexuality would be spiritually negative for me and my possible partner, so, how can I live the romance when I'm conscious that this is happening to the deepest part of us? Thereby, it would prevent me from all the heartbreaks (yes, I'm conscious that as a feminine homosexual, I am bound to have more heartbreaks than the average person). I could never be truly feminine, I can only imitate and fantasize about it. Would you stop or encourage me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): It sounds like you just want to live such ways because you fear rejection and being hurt, you're going to hurt yourself more by trying to run from such things - getting hurt, feeling heartbreaks, it's all apart the step of finding true love, while those silly heartbreaks will be nothing when such is found. You need to stop fearing things in life that you cannot control, because even running from it, it will come to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Having a boyfriend won't damage or break you spiritually - if anything it will have the opposite effect. I speak from experience. There's no just reason for you to deprive yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): ***I realized that homosexuality would be spiritually negative for me and my possible partner***
You seem to not get that your sexuality is not something you choose. It just is.
Like liking whatever it is you like on your sandwich.
You didn't choose to like mayonnaise over mustard..etc.
You don't choose to be gay.
You just are.
And it is not a character flaw.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): I read this post last night, I couldn't find the words of what I want to say.
This song says it for me
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead
Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhP-oA-IktY
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I also want to challenge this "spiritual negative". My Mom is a minister of a lovely church that is welcoming and affirming of all. Everyone is welcome and embraced into a loving community and place of worship. You just may not surrounding yourself with the right people. There are lots of different versions of faith, and the one that I like best is the one that promotes love for everyone, equality and support for each other.
I know sooo many successful relationships that aren't "traditional" (male/female), and there is just so much love in those families. You can find that satisfaction too.
Heartbreaks happen and even though they suck, they really help you grow as a person. And being lonely forever is a lot more painful...
You sound like a wonderful person who has a big heart - if you want to dedicate your life to humanitarian & environmental causes that means you've got a lot of love to give. Don't make somebody out there miss out on you!
You don't have to force yourself into a relationship. You can find joy in being single. But don't rule out love completely... you will be missing out on part of the human journal and potentially somebody who makes you feel loved, complete and secure. Good luck, sweet thing!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I'm going to challenge the "spiritually negative" notion you seem to have. I have several gay friends who are in long-term committed relationships and they enjoy life. One even has devoted himself to humanitarian causes and works for an NGO as well.
Life is what you make it. If you are gay, there's nothing wrong with that. There is EVERYTHING wrong with burying yourself to avoid something you haven't fully understood yet.
As far as heartbreaks go, well, kid, that comes with being human. Almost every single adult on this planet has had his heart broken one way or another. It happens, you cope, you deal, you move on, you learn things.
Sounds like you are trying to stifle yourself for reasons that aren't entirely clear to you.
Go run that NGO, do good things on the planet, and love and be loved by someone who can appreciate you for yourself.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I would stop you. First off spirituallity is useless if it causes harm to you and leads you to lead a life you are not happy with. If thats the case then find a new way of life that incorperates the things that make you happy. You don't need mainstream religion for that.
Secondly nothing fills the gap of human love except for itself. People have tried to find a substitute and it usually ends up with them unhappy and turning to harmful things to take away the pain.
Why would you want a loveless life, you are still so young and have tons of time to find love. Trust me, it's out there. You can do whatever you please with your life. If you want to be a lesbian then do it because that it is who you are and that is all that matters.
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