A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dateing this boy for a while. His other "girlfriend" has found out. Which I didn't evan know she existed around him, I didn't know who she was. I stopped dating him now. But why do these girls always take it out on other girls when it's the mans fault? I said to her "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his girlfriend, because from what he told me he didn't have one. Then I told her I'm nothing to do with him anymore. And she was saying these awful stuff to me. She's starting to cause drama and everyone wants to know who I am. But she's done nothing to this boy when really its his fault. I stay away from her as possible and just ignore her as I just want to move on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): It's both faults, it's not just the man's. A lot of the "other woman" claim they don't know the other man is taken but I usually find that rather.. silly since it's quite obvious, a man can't juggle two women in life so simply - it would be nearly impossible.
Both do it, blame one or the other, when in fact, it's both of your fault. Sounds like you're just trying to push the blame on the guy.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (3 February 2011):
I should add a caveat to what I said before - it's not the other woman's fault if she didn't know the man was already taken.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (3 February 2011):
you're absolutely right it's not the other woman's fault it's the man's fault.I think the reason the main woman goes after the other woman is because she was under the impression until now that their relationship was perfect. So how could her man possibly not want her exclusively? If you're the official girlfriend (or wife!), admitting that it's your man's fault is somehow to admit that part of it could maybe also be your own fault too, like, are you not satisfying him enough that he's looking elsewhere?? after all you thought your relationship was perfect so to admit it's your man's fault is to shatter your illusion that your relationship was perfect. That's pretty painful.So it's easier to go after the other woman because she's further removed from you, it's more comforting to say if only she never came into his life he would "still" be happy with you. You can continue the illusion that your relationship really was perfect and then she came along and wrecked it. that story allows you to feel more self-righteous.But to admit it's your man's fault is to admit that you may have had something to do with it and that your relationship wasn't perfect like you had thought, that you had been played a fool.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I've tried to figure that one out for quite awhile now because guys do it too. It isn't your fault at all, it's the guys for doing this yet you get the blame. the best thing you can do is not be available for her to take it out on then she will turn to her "bf".
I think that this is done because it's easier to show your anger to someone who you aren't emotionally connected to in anyway. If she is mad at you chances are there won't be anger between the guy and her and she still hopes to have him all to herself. Even though I don't know why you would want to be with the guy after you found all that out.
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