A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I confront my partner about things he always walks out and is gone for days. During this time he is nasty to me via text and acts like he doesn't care. My question is dies care or am I being played for a fool x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): if he is sending horrible texts then what is it that provokes him? would you like him to stand there while you confront and tell him your rules? This must be very humiliating for him, and as you either cannot understand other people have a human right,or simply dont care about that,you need to come off your superior high chair,let him be himself and find someone else who wants to be treated like a child.
A
female
reader, OFromAnything +, writes (17 July 2011):
You don't confront a "partner". You're happy to see him! You're thrilled he's there! So if you've got a problem (and it's you with the problem, not him), get out the "I" word. It's not "you didn't take out the garbage." It's "I get frustrated when Tuesday comes and the garbage isn't out and I don't notice it until I'm in my heels and hose and silk skirt for work. The last time, my hose was ripped and the time before that, I got grounds on my skirt and had to take it to the dry cleaners. Can you help me come up with a solution to my problem?" Be ready for the solution being "check the night before" with this reply: "One that doesn't require me to remember; that's the problem, I keep thinking it's already been done." Notice how there's no accusations, no "you"'s, no anger, no malice. Let's step it up a notch now. How do you keep the I out of fiscal problems?It's not "where's the money you promised for the baby's diapers." It's "Honey, I've had a horrid week at work. My boss didn't pay me again. Now I'm almost out of diapers. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated, can you help me find a solution to my problem?" Be prepared for his "solution" being a slacker one with this reply, "Honey, I'm gonna run out before I get paid. That's my problem. Can you help?"A player will come up with anything to get himself out of helping you when you state your problems as YOURS. A loving man will help you because you're happy to see him and you appreciate the help he's giving you.Whereas when you confront your man, that's an aggressive masculine behavior that emasculates them. You won't be able to tell the difference between a player and a loving man as they'll both respond by shutting you out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Are you being played? Does he care? We dont know. What i do know is it's a mans typical behavior when he either thinks its a waste of time trying to get thru to this person,this person is only interested in whats good for them,starts shouting over them, doesn't listen or is aggressive. I notice you have instantly looked only to him as being at fault. Not you, nor both,just him. I dont think it matters, because there is no communication and its likely you will break up soon anyhow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): if you have a history of being confrontational, aggressive, over-emtoinal and putting him on the spot when you want to air grievances, or if you're the kind of person who always must talk about problems endlessly for hours on end, then you've set up the atmosphere that drives him away. but it's not right of him to just run away for days and be nasty to you during that time even if it's your fault. he should 'confront' you back if you're being unreasonable in the way you bring things up, or if he really can't take it then he should break up with you.running away like that does no good. it's either avoiding conflict or avoiding responsibility. but if he's nasty to you during the time he's away then this makes no sense at all.and if you're not being confrontational or aggressive when you 'confront' him, then his behavior is all the more unacceptable. you should break up with him because a relationship is a dead end if your partner refuses to hear you out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): hi. um, i agree with Rescuer. You should discuss, not confront. I find it easier when coming straight out and asking him/her nicely about something that i've heard or been told. Um, maybe it does seem kinda strange for him to leave for days, but partially becuz most men don't like talking about serious stuff. For example, they sometimes don't really like talking about their feelings or they don't want to solve a problem & choose to go do something else & forget the whole thing. so maybe you should discuss with your partner about this problem of him going away for days.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (16 July 2011):
If he is your age, he sounds very immature. How can you solve anything by walking away and no contact for days?
I would tell him it is not on! You may need to look for someone else who is actually mature enough to be in a relationship and discuss problems that arise :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): Nothing in this whole paragraph you wrote shows that he cares at all it sounds like he uses you, leaves until he needs you again, and doesn't care about your feelings at all.I mean really where does he stay during that time. How is it as soon as you want an answer he goes by all means not to give you one. Its all a game hunny. Dump his sorry behind
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): He's immature he doesn't own up to his faults l and he doesn't want to because he wants to keep doing what he's ben doin which makes him feel like he's in control of u so ur feeling won't be heard or takin in considersation he doesn't respect u and he leaves for days he doesn't care he's makin u chase after him another thing makes him feel like he's in control u need to let him go that's not a real man. Real men can communicate n apologize if they hurt u and they def don't. Run like a b and be gone for days so ur stuck worrying u deserve so much better I can tell ur nice and give in to him I was the same way ur better off alone its hard but trust me you'll be happier w out the control freak
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A
female
reader, misztoria  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 I wouldn't waste anymore time on being with him. He seems immature and sounds like he might be hiding something. People who are afraid of confrontation usually are hiding something. I know it hurts to hear, but I would dump him before getting hurt further. Good luck hun!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 The real question is do you deserve this kind of treatment from someone who is supposed to love and care for you. The answer is NO! This guy does not deserve you. Move on and find someone worthy of your love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): your being PLAYED!!!
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