A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been living and working with this girl for over a year now. We get on great, I've gone out with her few times and we do things together at the weekends. We joke alot with each other in work as well. Recently my feelings towards her have grown stronger and I'm really attracted to her. The thing is that I don't think she feels the same way. She doesn't seem interested in having a relationship with anyone. She's a really beautiful girl so I find that hard to understand. I don't want to ask her out because we are really good friends and if I ask her out then that would certainly make things awkward between us and I don't want to lose the friendship that we already have. I'm also a very shy guy and don't express my feelings very well with anyone. Any relationships I had in the past were short lived because of this. What can I do? I'm just so frustrated!!
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female
reader, OFromAnything  +, writes (17 July 2011):
I agree, ask her. Before you do, check to see if you're following my Four Get A Playmate Rules:One: Happy! Are you always happy and excited to see her? Is it visible on your face? If not, do this EVERY TIME you see her. Not just until she relents and accepts a date. Do it for the rest of your lives. We are attracted to happy, we can't help it.Two: Agree! Agree with everything she says. When she says "I hate (insert the name of your favourite sports team)", you say, "Yeah, they're on a real losing streak this year. Wish they'd put on a better show for the fans!" When she says, "Politics is stupid! I ain't voting!" you say, "Are you ever right! It can really feel like your vote doesn't count. I'm facinated by your stance. Tell me more about it!" Do this EVERY TIME she says anything. Not just until she relents and accepts a date. Do it for the rest of your lives. We are attracted to guys who like us as we are, we can't help it.Three: Don't correct her or put her down. She makes a mistake at work and you're supposed to tell her? "Gosh, I used to make this mistake all the time, still do - it's so easy to mess up!" She left the dirty dishes on the countertop for the umpteenth time? Smile and wash them for her, and say, "hon, I noticed you forgot to do the dishes so I did them for you. Can I have a hug?" Being in the car when she's driving leave you counting on two hands how many times you nearly died, and you were only going round the block? Be the man and offer to drive. Do this EVERY TIME you feel the urge to correct her. Not just until she relents and accepts a date. Do it for the rest of your lives. We are attracted to guys who treat us kindly, we can't help it.Four: Have a life. Girls are not attracted to blokes who don't have their own life. Not sure what it is for you, but since you're at the same place of work, it's gonna have to be a sport, a hobby, or even better, a solid real plan to be financially independant (chicks dig fiscal security way more than they dig good looks, since it means you can afford to help raide any resulting babies). And make sure you do that thing that you do without her at least once a week. Work on this EVERY TIME you feel like spending every minute of every day with her. Not just until she relents and accepts a date. Do it for the rest of your lives. We are attracted to guys who we can brag about, we can't help itAnd here's how you ask her out. When you do ask her out, ask her in a lighthearted way: "Wanna see the Planet of the Apes movie this weekend?" "I know you got to go shopping for that present for your mum this weekend, want me to come along and help?" "I know you've got to mow the lawn Saturday. I'm free then and I can help." "I got a spare ticket to the ChumbaWumba reunion concert Saturday, wanna go?" "There's a bunch of us heading over to the mall this afternoon. If you're free, we've got a great gag we're gonna do at MickeyDees."This way, if she turns you down, she's rejecting the activity suggested and NOT rejecting you. She watching your face to see if your crestfallen when she says no. If you are, you lose! You've got to be happy that she's got something better to do and say "maybe next time." Being happy about her being too busy leaves you open to asking her again in about a week's time for some other activity. Activity requests (NOT DATES) should not occur more frequently than once a week. If you ask her on a proper real date, and she turns you down, laugh and say "you can't blame a guy for trying!" Be HAPPY about it, as if you were just paying her a compliment and your whole future wasn't riding on that answer. Then try again about once a month or so (sometimes waiting a little longer, never shorter), always applying rules One through Four every day. At some point, she will relent.
A
male
reader, Baffledd +, writes (17 July 2011):
 My honest opinion is ASK HER. It's either that or you live your life thinking what if. I'd suggest this approach.
Next time your alone ask her how she would react if you told her you LOVED her. Yes LOVE. and then use her reaction for your next move.
If she gets uncomfortable or says "we're just friends" then simply laugh it off. And say 'hey hey I didn't say I did love you, I'm not that easy. It's just someone told me they love me earlier and I wasn't expecting it.'
Where as If she reacts positively then make your next move. Good luck
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