A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I'm in my early twenties, and I've never been in a relationship because my family has conservative values, and they praise education over anything else. So I focused primarily on school for the past twenty years or so. I don't go out as much as people my age do; clubbing or bars are definitely not my thing. So when I do go out, which is seldom, my parents (especially my mom) tend to ask where and whom I'm going/hanging out with. I didn't mind at first, but it's starting to become really annoying beacuse she constantly asks. Recently I started going out with someone, and I'm basically hiding the fact that I'm dating this guy, partly because she knows him, and she doesn't really approve of him that much. But it's pretty obvious to her that I'm seeing him, and I indirectly told her about it. We had a deep conversation about it, and she told me it's okay if I dated him but warns me about getting too involved that it will affect my "choices." I thought we're cool about it. I went out with my female friend the other night; we chatted so much that we lost track of time and came home at around midnight. My mom didn't know about it, but I told my dad. I refrain from telling him the specifics of where I was going and with whom because there is no point. Besides, I'm old enough to go out without them asking the why, the who, and the where? Anyway, I came home, and my mom and I had a big argument about it. I knew she was upset; the tone of her voice was obvious. She asked me the same old questions, and I told her that I'm fed up of her interrogation. Then she asks me why I became so defensive and all. I'm just really vexed and tired of all of the same old argument. I know she's only concerned and I'm greatful that she is because a few parents are that caring and loving about their child. I get the impression that she doesn't trust me; she probably thinks thinks I'm out making out with the guy whom I'm dating and telling her lies. How do I deal with this situation? I'm simply so fed up. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I feel that she is suffocating me. I'm really contemplating on moving out, so that I can have some freedom, but I don't want to, and I'm not ready to move out either. Please can anyone help me what to say to my mother. Sorry for the long entry.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): I think you need to move out.My parent are same as yours. Especially my dad.My mom sometime she understand me.I wanted to go out and have fun. But not at night time.But everytime I go out they get upset and fight with them.I am so sick and tired of it. So,I left home.Its like a end of the world for them.I though alot of things with my family. Now,I am move out (other state).I used to live in same town that they live in Arizona.But,everytime I get home my dad or my mom is in parking lot and waiting for me to come. the said they worry about me.So,I connect with my friend in CA and now I live in CA.I only see them 3 or 4 times ayear.But my mom call me 4 or 5 time daily.I have to work on this.May be cancle my cell phone :( Well, anyway, you need to move out.Good luck girl.Best wishes for you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): I think you will have to grin and bear it if your mom asks questions about who you are with and who you are dating, she cares about you and just wants the best for you.
I think it would help if you did not take a defensive attitude about the interogation, but instead matter of factly state your position and move on.
Do you have some sort of a curfew? Or was it that she was concerned that you told her you would be home earlier and then didn't show up? It might just be courteous to give her a call if you are going to be late, not as if to ask permission, but to just keep her informed. It is a crazy world out there and a lot of bad things happen to people and I think people in general just worry more about their loved ones in general.
When I was in my early 20's I lived at home after college one summer, and my parents did not say anything to me about what I was doing, I even spent the weekend with a guy I was dating on occassion....so I guess by then they trusted me....however, I shortly moved out of state and was on my own ever since after getting a job...so that may be what you need to do.
You say you aren't ready to move out? If you want your own privacy and freedom then you can't expect to have it all living with your parents. Perhaps you could offer to pay some rent or do some chores around the house to make you feel more like you are contributing and not being treated like a child.
I am sure this transition into adulthood will work itself out given some patience and the right attitude.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinkgoblin15  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 She is your mom she will probably never change. She is scared to lose her baby girl. The only option is for you to move out =)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): To be honest you can say a million things to your mother but I dont think she will ever change. I don't know her so I could be wrong but in my own experience, I had moved out already to discontinue such things. I love it that I have no one to question me and when I DO see my mom she misses me a lot and shows me her happy side. But yeah, I just think there isn't anything you can really say to her to open her mind.
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A
female
reader, Rose_red_09  +, writes (26 September 2009):
To be honest - I can relate to everything you say and truthfully, the only way that I resolved the situation with my parents was in fact to move out. By doing that - I was saying that I am indapendent and wished to come and go as I please without worrying anyone and being monitored. Doesn't mean that you don't love your parents - it just means that you need to live your life aswell as respecting them.
This was right for me - talking with them just didn't resolve anything - being in their house meant not only did they love me but also would worry if I was not home at the expected time. And of course - when you are young, there is no timetable with what things may come up after work or in the evening.
Freedom is a very important part of growing up and your parents really do need to let you go.
Just my thoughts.
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