A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a guy whose an American Italian and comes from an all American Italian Family. They even own their own Italian Restaurant - 3 generations. He's the 3rd generation. Be educated and tons of experience in the industry. I get asked a lot to help out at the restaurant. I'm not American Italian - I come from an American upbringing and Filippino background mixed with Spanish, Basque, and Australia hertiage. I feel like I just get asked to help out at the restaurant but never to Family functions. I feel like they're embrassed by me b/c I'm not the same culutral as them. The sister just started dating this guy the beginning of this year whom their grandmothers introduced them to one another. First she dated the middle brother - didn't work out then is now with the older brother. My boyfriend's parents invited his parents to their vacation home for 4th of July this year after 3 months of dating. They never once made an effort of seeing my parents even when we invited them last year after X-mas to dinner and so forth....Every effort made by my parents and mom to meet with them. The sister or them come up with some weird or over the top excuse. I'm hurt - I really love this guy and care for him deeply. He's helped my out financially and supported me this past year with my work and health and so forth. We both live in different states and an hour and half flight away.... I tried to move back this summer and get us to look into apartments and I got a job where his restaurant is.... I even put up with living with my uncle's house and sharing a small room with 2 teenage boys and their older sister. I lived out of a suit case. He always had an excuse about getting an apart.... something or other... It was all talk on the phone or when he was with me.... I feel like I'm getting used b/c the only time I get asked is to help out at the restaurant and then it's okay to stay at the grandparent's house.... I don't know... The grandmother doesn't approve of us sleeping together ...so we get our rooms at her house. the parents don't have an extra room.... this past weekend was the last time I was out there... I made it officially. I promised I won't go out there anymore and begin focusing on my health - right now I might be facing pre-cancer... if they catch it early. Still waiting to get surgery etc... I came from a verbally abusive relationship before and this guy seemed so right for me. Maybe I was a fool again. I feel like b/c I'm not Italian and the mother is trying to break us apart with her giving her son the restaurant right before he was suppose to move with me. She even told him once she gave birth to him and he owes her? They even made him move back home after 6mths he bought a house in another city 3 hours away. The sister still has this boyfriend whose supposedly great but she calls her brother to do everything for her especially if I'm there visiting him. Why can't she call her Italian boyfriend?I don't get it....I feel excluded. They give his brother whose Italian and burns Pasta - boiling it a $22 hr pay and me nothing or less than $10 to $15 depending on their mood...I going from serving to cooking in the back all in one hour b/c they need help in all areas. I was trained in both. Why do I care so much? Why Can't I walk away? And why do I feel like I'm being out casted b/c I'm not Italian.... Do you think - I'm right in that they're being racist against me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you - I guess I knew in my heart it was true... I figure I could work there and get some extra cash since I'm out of a job and the economy is bad... But I'm learning again - I don't or shouldn't depend on any man. I talked with him...and we got into things all day long... He bought me a ticket last night to go out and see him. I asked him how was his day and he said it was long and that next week he has a long week and he's really busy. He said he'd like my help... I missed him too but after a long night - I told myself ...here we go again ... and I remembered my aunt saying to me - why do you let anyone treat you like this? Don't you value yourself, your work experience and your future? After talking to him all day today - we agreed that it was time. I told him he had to come out here and return my things... that I wasn't going back up there.... He said he was too emotionally drained and doesn't want to deal with things. I told him even when I was busy with my job as a manager - I made time no matter how tired I was ... I made time b/c he meant the world to me and the relationship.I guess at the end of the day... I want to say the mom and sister and all of them won.... But I think now... I won .... I'm free again to dream, to travel, and to find that someone who'll really love me and if not I'm free to just be me and I love that... Some day - if I'm lucky...
A
female
reader, L*  +, writes (26 September 2009):
have you tried speaking to your boyfriend about this? did you tell him that you feel that his family are not treating you well? If I were you, I wouldn't help them out in the restaurant because they are not being fair with you...they should have a fixed hourly rate not what depends on their mood! Find another part time job and tell them that you're sorry but can't help them in the restaurant any more. Don't try too hard to get them to like you. they should like you but if they don't , then it's their problem. your relationship is between you and your boyfriend so try to focus on that.
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