A
female
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anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 3 years. We do not live together but we spend every weekends together (I go over to his house or he comes over to mine). During the weekdays, he'll call me at night and talk to me. I know I'm lucky he is still doing this at the 3rd years. Lots of guys simply don't want to bother. I am starting to realize we're quite bored when the weekend comes. We both try to relax, but end up he's playing on his video game, and I'm watching movies on my laptop. Our time together is getting boring. Even our sex life is turning to be a routine. Sometimes I think I miss him more when I don't see him. But when I do, I don't know what we could do that's fun. We do go to the cinema, mall, grocery shopping, etc. (We're in-door people). We're not even living together or married, what will it be like if we were? Am I worrying too much?
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reader, rproctor  +, writes (23 May 2008):
I might be going out on a limb here but I think the problem is that you two are not spending enough "face time" together. Just being close to each other (reading, watching tv, games, etc) is not face time, its just time to occupy your brains. What you need to focus on here is communication and openness.
Going out and doing things outside are all great and dandy, but be assured that after a couple times you will be back to thinking the same things... Oh its boring, or oh im getting tired of rock climbing with him... You get bored not because of what you are doing, but because you are lacking something. And that something is probably affection.
Did you know that you can actually have sex without affection. When sex become mundane and routine we often find ourself lacking something more. When we remove the passion from sex, we are essentially removing the core values of affection. We all require affection because by being human we naturally need to be loved and praised by others.
Maybe try talking more, finding out new things about one another. Getting to know each other on a spiritual level... Maybe read online some good topics, take note, and when you guys hang out you can bring them up and discuss...
I attend a lot of social dynamics classes to help built rapport and comfort with people. One of the best things I have learned from all of this is that questions can save a relationship. I would also recommend that you and your bf both come up with 10 questions each to ask each other... And not stupid stuff like what color shoes you are wearing, but maybe something more intimate like what color panties ;)
Also, another thing which can bring flavor to your relationship is OTHER PEOPLE. If you spend all your time with just you and him only, maybe find another couple to hang out with from time to time... Or make some friends that you can throw in the mix.
Also, it is important to get out with one another from time to time, and if he has problems being out in the sun then maybe try making some nightlife decisions. They dont have to always be so cliche and scene, you could simply go out for coffee... But just throwing in a change of scenery can make a big difference.
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Well there are dancing classes on the web, you could make a special dinner (the two of you cooking together a recipe from the Internet), you can read a book together, you can play something inside, he can put on some sunblock (a lot of varieties)... the truth is you need to get very creative if you really want to change this. Your attitude needs a shift, either that, or continue what your doing!
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response.
The reason why we're indoor people is my bf works outdoor and he gets burn when he's outside (Canada sun is very bad for his fair skin). His way of relaxing is staying indoor. Another problem we have is we live 2 hrs drive away from each other. It's difficult for us to take a class because one weekend he's coming to my city and the other ones I go to his. Most classes are weekdays which we both can't see each other because it'll take 4 hrs to drive back and forth. : ( I know this sucks. We work really hard to make our relationship happen. I love seeing him. We miss each other so much all the time. But when the weekend comes, there's only so much you can do indoor (mall, movies, museum, etc) before you get bored of doing them. I want to do something with him that we're spending quality time with each other.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse +, writes (23 May 2008):
Boredom and routine is set by the couple, if your married or if you're not. The two of you are responsible for this and you should talk and plan to do different stuff. Three years is a long time relationship and shows commitment on your part, but, in the long run, a more interesting person will appear to you or your partner, so it is very important you address this issue.
Talk to him and make plans, do something different even if it seems stupid at first. My husband and I do something different constantly, starting from new projects (scuba, learning to dance, vacationing, photographing, camping, throwing parties, etc), we just finish one and start the other. Change is very important for both of us!
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Do you have to be indoor people? The summer is approaching fast, how about taking up bike riding and heading out into the countryside with a picnic and no watch. Take up a hobby together that involves going out more, and maybe meeting new people. Or spending a weekend with some relatives or friends that you havent seen for ages. But you are in a rut and you need to climb out of it. It is so easy to sit around the house in the winter but the summer is a different matter. Do you have a garden? Why not go along for some gardening lessons? Join up for some dance lessons, wow salsa is so sexy, maybe that can get you in the mood for bedroom time. But stop sitting around and change something today.
take care
xxx
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