A
female
age
36-40,
*ailey J
writes:Hi, I got together with my boyfriend about a year and 4 months ago. We met through family. When I met him I thought he was the perfect person I had ever met. I knew it was my time to be happy. Since my ex boyfriend 4 years earlier treated me horrible. Anyway when we got together quite early on I found out that he was txting his ex, asking her to get back with him. While he was doing this he kept breaking up with me. We were on and off for about 5 months when I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep my child but my boyfriend had told me exactly how he felt and that he wanted to break up. So that was that. A few weeks later just before my scan we met up and he told me that he loved me and never wanted to be without me, he said he wanted to be a good dad to our child and asked me to marry him. I accepted. When we went for the scan they found an abnormality with my child and that week sent me for more test. I found out that my son, had a rare genetic disorder and a heart defect. Anyway we decided to keep our son and go on with the pregnancy. (My b/f was great throughout this) When I was 7 months pregnant my sons heart stopped and he died inside me on the 28th May 2006. I went through 10 hours of labour, and in the end my child was so beautiful but not too keeps. We had a funeral for him, we named him Bailey John, (My User name is Bailey J…. My real Name is Emma.) About 4 days after the funeral I was a mess, and my b/f finished me and told me he need time on his own. Which I understood until I found out he had asked his ex girlfriend to get back with him. Well this can go on. But we broke up for a while and eventually got back together. We now live together and he’s the perfect boyfriend.Our son died and my boyfriend asked his ex to get backtogether with him... nearly a year on i cant get over that what do i do?
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broke up, ex girlfriend, got back together, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sunshine99 +, writes (15 March 2007):
 many thanks for your message. You will not be putting anyone out or letting anyone down. Your mum and brother care deeply for you and will be there to support you through it all. You do have the strength to do this. Could the cats go with you? It may be painful to sell the house with all the memories there of Bailey but maybe in the long run if you don't love your bf anymore, it may be the right thing to do. Wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start.
A
female
reader, sunshine99 +, writes (14 March 2007):
I am so sorry for your loss. Regards to your bf, the past is the past. Please move on. You and your bf are now back together that is the main thing. This relationship will not work if past events are lurking in the back of your mind. Cherish what you have together today, don't look back on yesterday, yesterday is history and we can't change what has happened in the past. Maybe you talk to someone together about this. It just may help. All the best to you
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (14 March 2007):
 I just posted to your prior question and your follow-up came through about the same time.
If you can't love him anymore than that's a different situation. You need to move on.
It might be wise to get some grief counseling.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (14 March 2007):
You have obviously forgiven your boyfriend for his actions because you are back together with him. You just can't forget his actions?. Am I correct?
If so, your pain is understandable. You just have to tell yourself that what happened is in the past, and needs to stay there. You have a long life ahead of you with lots of possibilities for a bright future. There's no time to dwell on his prior behavior. It is over and done. Wipe the slate clean. Never let it enter your mind again. If it tries to creep in, snap your fingers and think of a beautiful sunset, or any image that gives you comfort. I hope this helps.
I too am sorry for your loss.
Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (14 March 2007):
Bailey J is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for your understanding. Not a day goes by when i don t thikn of Bailey. There is so much missing in me now and i cant find the happy girl i used to be. I want to be a mother so much but not with my boyfriend. He says he's so sorry for what he's put me through but i just cant love him anymore. We have to cats and a house, i feel stuck. My mum and brother are greatand say i can go home but i dont want to let anyone dowm or put anyone out.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Hi Sweetheart,
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your son. You have been through so much trauma over the past couple of years, I am sorry that you are in so much pain. It is very hard to lose a baby and hard to lose all the hopes and dreams that you had for him. It is harder when you also lost the support of your boyfriend, who behaved very badly through the entire thing. He really is no loss, however, he is bad news and you are better off without him. I very much doubt he is going to treat the girl he is with any better, he is oblivious to anything that interferes with his own needs. I am very concerned about you. Are you surrounded by family and friends? One of the best things to do for yourself right now is join a group that deals with grief councelling, specifically the loss of a child. It can be the beginning of a way to grieve and come to terms with the loss that you have experienced. Try hard not to isolate yourself, take comfort and solice in the warmth of your friends and family, and I hope that you start to heal soon. Time is a great healer. Take Care.
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Oh emma,im so so sorry to here this and my heart goes out to you. You will never forget your lovely boy and neither will your bf,but he sounds like a prat. I know he has gone through this aswell but dont forget he was intouch with his ex before this happened. I think you should get rid of him and sort yourself out,dont have him keep coming in and out of your life cus you will end up so messed up flower.
I know you love this bloke and he may well love you,but he doesnt care for your feelings and will keep doing this as long as you let him. I know you may want to stay with him because you think he understands how you feel,but I would rather be by my self than have him being like this.
You sound so lovely and you will meet someone who will love and treat you how you should be treated, and when you feel ready to tell them about your little boy, believe me he will understand and be your rock when you feel down.
Please do the right thing for you and dont let him treat you like this. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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