A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now, things are excellent, she is almost perfect and a guy like me couldn't ask for any more from a girl, she knows all the ways that make me happy. The problem im having is that our personalities don't match quite as well as they once did, i feel like we're slowly drifting apart and that im growing out of this relationship. As a result of feeling this way i can't stop thinking about how to bring her down softly as i know she doesn't feel the same way and i just don't think it's right to continue with a relationship that i don't feel right with anymore. a little help please ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Thanks for the advice guys, i forgot to mention a couple of things. Before i got to feeling like this we talked quite a bit about things like marriage and kids which may make things more difficult in terms of her attachment to me, also, her entire family love me like im one of them. The other thing is that she is starting university in september and i graduate from university in june, while she will be at uni for 4 years i happen to be going into a line of work that means i will be spending months on end out of the country and away from home which is going to be hard for her seeing as we have been living together for the last year and a half and i feel like it would be unfair on her to be forced to be without me for long periods of time .....
A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 I feel you, i was in the same situation. If she is good to you, you have to fall back in love with her. Focus on the good things that she has done for you. Focus on all of the special things that she has done for you. you may need to give each other space or take a break. Make sure that you are sure because once you throw something special away, you may never find it again.
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A
female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (4 February 2011):
If you are 100% sold on breaking up with her, then just let her know you need to have a serious discussion about the course of things. Try thinking up some clear reasons why you feel things are't/won't work out so that you don't leave her with questions. Be clear to answer any questions she has and in general be strong. Don't stay with someone that you don't want to be with because leading her on will just hurt her more.
After breaking up, make a clear, clean cut for at least a little while so you don't fall into a weird in-between relationship, and then after a while maybe meet up to talk and get any closure she may need (as well as any closure you may need).
If you aren't 100% sure about breaking things off, have essentially the same conversation minus the break up and try to come up with things she (and you) can do to recapture the flame and intimacy that you once had.
In general, be gentle. Don't attack and realize your part in the problems so that there is equal blame.
Good luck
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