A
female
age
36-40,
*cockerham
writes:Me and my bf have been together 7 months and im getting a bit bothered by the fact that it has gotten so routine. We do the same thing week in week out and it gets a bit boring because he never does anything spontaneous. Were both 21. I never see him on a Monday or Thursday (he just stays at home) Tuesday we always go to the cinema, Wednesday we go to the pub with our friends but he leaves at 9:30, Friday and Saturday were out with friends again and he always wants to go home at 11, Sunday i see him for a couple of hours in the afternoon or at night, We always go to a local bar just the two of us, but if its at night he goes at 9:30. He never wants to go into town clubbing even if the rest of us want to he would rather go home. He doesnt seem to want to have fun and it all seems to be getting a bit routine. Then also there is the sex part. I know sex isnt everything but i would like to have it more than once a month! We both live with parents and he wont do anything (and i mean nothing) when anyone is in the house. It has to be just me and him alone. Once we started at his house and half way through he stopped cuz his brother came home (who is 23 and not stupid) even though we were in his bedroom with the door locked and it is possible to be quiet when someone is there (he isnt vocal anyway and i can be quiet if I have to be) and when we went on holiday with friends, even when we were in our room at night with the door locked he wouldnt do anything. He wont do anything outside or in his car or anywhere public. It has to be in his room or my room with no one else in. If that situation doesnt arise he wont do anything. I dont know what to do. Right now i feel i am in a boring and sexless relationship. I dont want to end it because i love him so much and he is such a nice guy. Its just about like he was born 50 years old! Please help? What can i do? Thanks
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (28 July 2007):
 This is definately something you should talk to him about.
My ex broke up with me when she grew tired of our relationship becoming a routine (difference being we were in a long distance relationship. There was very little we could do spontaniously in that situation).
If the guy cares enough about your relationship, he will make more of an effort to keep things interesting. Getting boring was always something I feared in my relationship, I never wanted to be dumped because I wasn't interesting enough, and I'd like to think your guy is the same.
As for the Sex, it is understandable that having sex while people are in the house is pretty uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all! If I has his attitude with my previous girlfriend we wouldn't ever of had Sex! I understand that when I saw my ex, we had to make more of an effort to have sex as we only had a week or so together and then would have to wait MONTHS until the next time. But in that respect, it shows that you and your boyfriend are lucky to have the time that you have together, and you should both be able to put it to "good use" so to speak.
Talk to him. Tell him that things are getting boring, and you need to get out of the ruitine; See eachother different days of the week, do other things when you do see eachother, and lastly; have sex more often. I would have killed to be in the situation you guys are, you are so lucky. Ruitine killed my last relationship and there was no avoiding it. You guys have the chance to do something about it, and in that respect, I strongly advise you try to.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Have you ever actually told your bf what you have said to us on this site?
I know you don't want to hurt his feelings but he does sound like he is old before his time.
Does he have a stressful job that he has to be up for in the mornings?
I can understand not being out too late in the week if he is very conscientious in his job but weekends should be a time when you can both let your hair down.
Have you ever said to him, why don't we do something different tonight like go ten pin bowling or swimming or something.
Have you ever suggested joining a gym together or going to salsa classes or something, a bit more lively and gets you into a wider circle of people.
He seems to have a few issues re the sex side of things and the fact of not letting anyone else know what you are up to. You do need to tell him how you feel about the infrequency of the sex. Tell him you have needs and you want to be intimate with him more often.
He is young and I would have thought that his sex drive is higher than what you are describing.
If you don't talk this wall of silence will build up between you and will fester and ruin this relationship beyond repair.
Getting things out in the open means that you could well be able to resolve the problems your having, he may not even realise he is doing it.
Keep us posted eh and good luck.
BFN
Country Woman
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