A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I’ve been friends with this girl all my life. We lived quite close when we was younger so we spent all of our childhood together. We was inseparable best friends, however as time went on we drifted. We still spoke and still do now, just not as much. Whenever I see her though, the more I realise that we’re not into the same things, our personalities are completely different and I’ve found that she can be quite annoying. I also think she’s very childish and is always posting sarcastic comments/posts.I’ve recently had a baby and when I first told her she wasn’t happy. I could tell by her initial reaction that she didn’t like it (maybe because her other friend was also pregnant, I don’t know) and I seen her twice throughout my whole pregnancy. However when I had my baby she was messaging me to come round, posting all over social media that she’s been to visit and that she loves us - it’s all for show as I never see her now. She recently got engaged and she has always said that she would have me as her maid of honour. I need advice and help on how to decline if she does ask me. How would I put it nicely to her? I just know I wouldn’t enjoy it no matter how much I tried. We’re not alike at all anymore. Any help or advice on how to go about the situation when/if it arises?Thank you! :)
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (25 November 2019):
 Downsides of having a baby: they throw up, you don't get as much free time, they cry inexplicably, they demand a lot of attention.
Perks of having a baby: you have a built in excuse.
USE IT. Say that you're happy to go (if you don't mind attending), but because of this baby, you worry that you won't have the time and money to give the attention she is so totally due, as her maid of honor.
It's a white lie, and totally acceptable to use. You have my permission.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 November 2019):
Downsides of having a baby: they throw up, you don't get as much free time, they cry inexplicably, they demand a lot of attention.
Perks of having a baby: you have a built in excuse.
USE IT. Say that you're happy to go (if you don't mind attending), but because of this baby, you worry that you won't have the time and money to give the attention she is so totally due, as her maid of honor.
It's a white lie, and totally acceptable to use. You have my permission.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2019): If she's not really hanging around you and you're not really that close I suspect that she's not actually going to ask you. But if she does then just say that it's a big responsibility and you don't think that you can do all the planning and prep that is involved.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2019):
 You have a ready made excuse to decline . And it would not even be a lie !
It would be the truth ( although not °all ° the truth ):
that it would be an investment in time, energies and money not appropriate and not convenient for a new baby's mom ! ( well, maybe your baby will be a toddler by the time she gets married, but it's the same, it still applies ). You could not possibly give the wedding preparations all the time, attention ( and money effort ! ) that your role would require.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 November 2019):
 When I read posts like this one, I find myself wondering what the other person would say if she posted. Do you think it might be something like "I promised my friend she would be my maid of honor but we are not really close any more and I worry that she is expecting me to ask her"?
I do find it strange that you are worrying about something which may never happen. If she has close friends, she will probably ask one of them.
If the situation does arise, you need to decline immediately so that she has time to ask someone else. In your shoes I would say something like "I have my hands full with my child/children and feel you need someone with more time to help you prepare for the wedding".
In the meantime, as you don't seem to value this girl's friendship (not a criticism, just an observation), perhaps you need to start distancing yourself from her so that your friendship can fizzle out? I see no point in staying friends with someone you find childish and annoying. We should pick our friends to enrich our lives, not the opposite.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (24 November 2019):
 thank her of course, however inform her perhaps with a new baby and all you cant commit to the time nor the funds needed to give her support she needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2019): An easy option would be to tell her you are busy with your baby. But it depends what you want for the longer term. Do you want her out of your life entirely? Or just to re-boot the friendship if that's possible? Or leave it for a while - even for years as some people do - with the possible option of becoming closer further along the line?
Generally speaking, there are two longstanding techniques if you want to break a friendship:
a. The 'slow fade' - each time the person approaches you, you make a polite excuse not to see them and you don't reach out to them, but still remain polite out of respect for the friendship you used to have.
b. Confrontation (followed by cut off) - you meet with the person and let them know exactly why they have, in your eyes, been an awful friend and why you want the friendship to end.
I think many people probably choose the first option - there's not much, in many people's eyes, to be gained by the latter choice. However, the confrontational option at least may give the chance for issues to be aired and any explanations for bad behaviour can at least be heard.
A third option may be just to try to talk to her about how you feel, without confrontation or blame or anger, just the chance to talk.
But it's up to you entirely. If she asks and you say you are busy with your baby then you are starting to go down the first route of slowly fading her out.
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