A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:Opinions wanted on dating.If you meet someone and they want to go out evenings for instance, do you let them pay, do you go dutch and take it in turns to buy the drinks, do you go halves on the dinner? If you have a night in and they want a take away, do you pay half? What about if you really can't afford it, but are crud at cooking?Interested to hear what people think. Is the old fashioned way still more popular or have you adapted to the modern way of going dutch? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (1 April 2008):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks very much everyone. Interesting answers.
Much appreciated.
C xxxxxx
A
female
reader, schauv80  +, writes (31 March 2008):
If he asks you out, let him pay. It is a nice gesture to offer to pay for the tip.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): It really shouldn't be a question of who can afford what. A reasonable night out can be had for relatively little money and yes, in this day & age, going Dutch should be the way to go. Both sexes are getting similar pay these days so that should not be an issue. I was brought up the old-fashioned way by Mum who stayed home, brought up kids & did housechores & Dad, who went to work to earn the money. Times have changed and so should attitudes:the guy goes to pay, the lady firmly insists on 50/50.
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A
female
reader, meggiej +, writes (31 March 2008):
 If you r going as just frieds, both of you pay equal amounts.
If he likes you tem you both pay but he doas a little more.
If you aretogether than he pays but if he hasnt goy enough money then you should help, the thought is there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): It all depends on finances.
The one who asks, pays.
If he wants to go out, but is short on money, he should ask to go dutch. Guys with each other will say: I'll pay the bill, you pay the tip.
Once you have dated a while, maybe after a month, you can call and tell him you want to take him out. This gives the impression that your a team player, someone he can trust in a relationship.
The testing goes both ways. The saying "to much maintenance" is in a man's mind, just as women think "is he cheap".
Good communication, open and honesty is critical.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 I think that if you are asked out, the first few dates should be on the asker. Then it would be polite to either offer to pick up the tab after that every once in a while or offer to go dutch. If he is making gobs of money, or you are, and the other person is not, that should be factored in there somewhere. AND if he insists on splitting the check on the very first date, itemizing every freaking cost on the bill and how much more wine You had than He Did - Oh, Good God, throw him back into the ocean and go after another fish!!! HUGE Red Flag!
Cooking isn't a bad idea if you know the person well enough to invite him to your home. Why not consider a bit of coaching from a friend or try a night course? The main thing is temperature control and timing, it can be fun. Pasta is great and won't keep you in the kitchen all night. Try looking up Rachael Ray's "You Won't Be Single For Long Vodka Cream Sauce". Make it up before the date starts and all you have to do is keep it on simmer until you boil the pasta!
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