A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a coworker who I've gradually formed a friendship with. He introduced himself to me when he first started at the company about two years ago, and we gradually progressed from quick, "Hello"s in the hallways to him stopping by my office to chat. We found we had an affinity for certain types of music, and he started making me CDs on occasion. Every time he would walk past my office he would smile in at me and I would smile back. I was recently relocated to a different building in our company's complex and thought that our friendship would sort of fizzle out, since although we're coworkers we were never really required to do actual work together as we're in very different departments, but he invited me to lunch one day, and since then we've gone out to lunch together fairly regularly, at least once every two weeks, and more often every week. We have quite a bit in common in terms of our likes and dislikes, and we just seem to click together. This all may not seem particularly strange, but (and this is a pretty big but), we both happen to be married, he with children. Occasionally he will make comments about his relationship with his wife that leads me to think that things might not be 100% happy, which makes me wonder if he sees more in our friendship than just camaraderie. I've never had a male coworker that I was close with like this before, and who went out of the way to see me and spend time with me so I'm unsure what to think and whether there might be anything more to his feelings for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCaringGuy, you are right that there is a part of me which is hoping that he does have feelings for me. I have also already looked at my own marriage many times and have come to the conclusion that I probably should never have married my husband. Going back in time isn't an option though, so I feel sort of stuck with the situation that I got myself into.
I care about this co-worker very much, I may even love him, but I've no desire to in any way harm his life or his family in any way. Our relationship has strictly been a friendly one and I've made sure to never cross the line from friendly to flirtatious because I respect the fact that he is someone else's husband, and a father to his children. All the feelings that I have for him I keep bottled up and I've actually told no one about them until now.
Although my feelings for my co-worker are strong, I'm not feeling any far-flung emotions like the stuff out of romance novels. I don't believe that he's the love of my life, or my dream man, or anything like that. I also don't think that I'm liking this coworker simply because my own marriage has become joyless. I find him very attractive on an intellectual level, and I think I would feel this way even if my marriage was 100% fine. For whatever reason, I feel a strong connection with him and I'm finding myself sad when our lunches are over, and trying to find excuses to go and visit or talk with him. I know it's not right to feel this way, but I can't help it.
I suppose that in posting this, I really just wanted to be able to tell someone how I am feeling because it has been eating me up inside and I have no one whom I trust enough to talk to about it. I don't plan on bringing up my feelings to my co-worker, because it would be entirely unfair of me to in any way burden him with this since his responsibility is to his wife and children. Whether my feelings for him are reciprocated or not, I would never want to hurt his family.
I wish there were a magic potion I could take to make me fall out of love with my co-worker and back in love with my husband again.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 December 2009):
 I think he may have feelings for you, yes. I'm not sure what this could lead to. But, if you're married, and he is married, too, there is a lot of thinking to do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 December 2009):
First of all, if you want there to be more than just friendly feelings, look at your own marriage immediately, because it sounds like you're not totally happy with it yourself. Affairs are never the answer, because they just lead to heartache, more usually the woman's than the man's (you will be far more hurt than him in the end)
If he's thinking about you as more than just a friend, then beware, because he will use you rather than fix his marriage, then never leave anyway (married men rarely leave). You're not just some tool to be used.
I would be very careful if I were you.
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