A
male
age
36-40,
*ull_of_guilt
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years now. 8 months ago I cheated on her with an ex girlfriend through a one night stand. She was hurt so in return she cheated on me with a friend. We chose to forgive each other and move on. This summer at a family gathering of her families , everyone was drinking and having a good time. so how we ended up getting into a huge arguement because she thought I was flirting with her cousin and she started bringing the fact that I cheated on her in front of everyone. I got really upset and said something along the lines of "well my friends all think you're a whore: punched the wall and walked out. we decided it was best to take a break from each other and did. Since then we have gotten back together but now her family hates me. What can I do to prove that I love their daughter?
View related questions:
a break, cheated on me, cousin, ex girlfriend, flirt, move on, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2009):
 So alcohol has led to two huge mistakes in your life, any others? Where your judgement is so off that you do stupid things, perhaps driving?
Rhythmandblues is correct, hitting the wall or throwing something IS a form of physical intimidation, whether or not you lay a hand on her. It's designed to make the other person fearful. If you have such a problem controlling your anger when you are drinking, then you need to stop drinking. I understand you think everyone was having a good time, but clearly, your idea of a good time is different when you are drunk.
So what her family has seen is a drunken guy calling their loved one a whore, physically intimidating her and then leaving, no doubt with her very upset.
You have a couple of red flags here; you can do the lazy thing and ignore them, or you can face up to your issues and deal with them now before they cause more problems in your life.
If her family sees you taking action to address this alcohol problem, their assessment of you might change and they may actually come to understand and forgive you.
If you don't think you have a problem, well, all I can say is that just compounds the one you already have.
We all get wake up calls in life. You seem to be getting one now; might be a good time to answer the phone and deal with it like a grown up, instead of a party guy.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Well, I see a few problems here that may have some solutions that you aren't even considering.
It seems that when you are drinking, you drink to the point of excess and when you do that you lose the ability to make good judgements, I think you have had enough bad incidents involving alcohol to grow up and drink responsibly. If you have to get faced, do it at home when you are alone and don't have to drive anywhere, better yet learn how to enjoy life and have a good time without being drunk.
Next, it is not OK to deal with your anger at her by hitting things or tearing things up. That is intimidation and a form of psychological abuse whether you lay a hand on her or not.
Next, you both resort to retaliation and name calling when having an argument. Learn how to be mature and handle conflict without slinging insults and one upping the person by making two wrongs where one only existed to begin with.
All in all, I don't think either one of you is ready for a mature and lasting relationship. It is obvious to me and to her parents and probably every one else that you two are in a toxic relationship and you would both be better off single and on your own. You both have a lot of growing up to do, and that is what life is about, making mistakes, owning up to them and then learning from them. It is also about realizing your limitations and that you simply have a lot of growing up to do before you settle down with one person.
Good luck and take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Mate, Being drunk isn't any kind of excuse for cheating on her and calling her a whore, punching the wall and storming out like an ummature dickhead in front of her family...?
I'm kind of hating you and I don't even know you or your gf!
Brought the problem on yourself, up to you to fix it yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, full_of_guilt +, writes (3 December 2009):
full_of_guilt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe trust me, I would never ever hurt her. I wa sdrunk when I cheated and told her rigth away. Yes some times when I get angry I will punch the wall or throw something. But I would NEVER lay a hand on her. she knows that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): You two need to call it quits for good. She obviously DOESN'T forgive you, and you seem to have issues of your own. I don't think you can prove to those parents you love their daughter after that scene.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 December 2009):
I know that if I had a daughter, and she said you'd cheated, then you claimed she was a whore and punched the wall before walking out, I wouldn't like you to be with her either (no offence there). All you can do is work at it with your girlfriend and prove to her you love her. If you can prove to her she can trust you, and that you love her and won't hurt her again, then her parents might start to accept you again. But don't count on it. I think you're in for a lot of work.
...............................
|
