A
female
age
30-35,
*onnieblueeyes
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago, and I've since picked up a friendship with an ex of mine who I've always been on good terms with. The other night, while we were sitting at his house talking, and one thing led to another and we just began shamelessly making out. Now, I've always thought of my sexuality as something that should be a privilege to boyfriends alone, but this has happened twice now, and I don't hate it. I feel like I'm messing with my friend's head because I don't want a relationship with him, but he assures me that he feels the same. I don't plan on seeking out a boyfriend anytime soon, so it has been a good way to relieve sexual tension thus far (I won't be letting it progress to us having sex.)So comes the question: what is your opinion on having a friend with benefits, if neither party wants anything more out of it?
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female
reader, bonnieblueeyes +, writes (3 May 2011):
bonnieblueeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I have taken so long following up... I appreciate everyone's input and advice - you have all been very helpful. To summarize the past several months, our FWB relationship progressed; after a while, it became clear to us both that we were essentially a couple without the label. We kept our relationship on the down-low until just a couple of months ago, when we made things 'official'.
He admitted to me that he had every intention on "winning me back" from the beginning, and that he had lied about wanting a "no strings" relationship. We still have our hang-ups to work through, and so I agree with a lot of the advice here.
For those who are considering a FWB relationship with someone: please do not expect it to be a stepping stone to a long-term relationship. In my case it was, but for the most part it really isn't. You could ruin your friendship with the opposite person if any deeper feelings aren't mutual. FWB relationships are best with someone who is considerate and cares for your feelings, but who you can mutually agree that you have no desire to begin a relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): nothing good ever comes from it one person always ends up feeling something that the other doesn't i have been the one who thought we could be more than friends if she has sex with me n spends so much time with me why can't we be together but as much as i tried i only hurt myself i still hang out with her we don't have sex anymore but i still love her and it hurts me to know i was able to get so close but was still so far
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 @ SirenaBlusera,
What do you do if you are at a stage in your life that you don't want a relationship and commitment, but at the same time you want to experience the sexual connection with a man.
I know vibrators are a great save, but there is nothing like real sex.
To me Friends with benefits is a perfect solution. Especially if the man is not looking for a relationship either.
Yes there is always a chance that feelings and attachment can develop because that's what sex does to most people. it creates attachment and connection. But if both parties are clear on the rules, it seems both will benefit.
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A
female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 I can never do that because ive tried and eventaully gain feelings for them. If you look at it as just something you both want when you're feeling in need if you get me then thats fine but just don't bring the emotional side into it otherwise you may end up hurt
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 I would be insulted and hurt if someone asked me to be friends with benefits. Eventually someone will come along that he'll want to commit to and I would feel used. I feel that if I'm not good enough to be someone's girlfriend then they're not good enough to have sex with me.
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A
female
reader, lostlove1 +, writes (25 August 2010):
I think it's fine as long as it is made very clear that both of you don't want anything more. My ex and I used to be friends with benefits for months and then we decided to go back to having a relationship. I mean as long as you both know and are on the same page, its fine.
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A
female
reader, bonnieblueeyes +, writes (25 August 2010):
bonnieblueeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: I've read some previous answers on FWB questions, and everyone is confused as to what people define FWB as. I guess it's different for every situation, but in mine it would basically consist of everything but intercourse. Just fooling around.
I want as many opinions from every side, so everyone please feel free to be bluntly honest with your thoughts on the matter.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (25 August 2010):
If it is truly what you say it is, that either one of you wants the sex to progress to a relationship, then I believe friends with benefits is a great thing for both. There are times in life when you are not looking for attachment and commitement, but at the same time sexual tension builds up if you've been sexually active in the past. The rules must be set straight from the beginning. Both of you can benefit because it eliminates the need for one nigh stands when the sexual desire is high.If neither one of you is looking for a relationship and especially with each other, friends with benefits is a great setup. And when ever you or he find someone you guys want to progress to the next level, the benefits should stop. Both of you have to be ok with that. If you can communicate the rules and follow them, it's a great option.
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A
female
reader, Shannon_MM +, writes (25 August 2010):
If both parties are very clear with eachother and THEMSELVES that it is nothing more than physical closeness I see no harm in it.
But be warned, most of the time feelings occur, tension arises and bad things happen. Or good things happen. It depends on the situation.
But harmless making out is just that, harmless.
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