A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my gf were going out for 8 months. We had so many great times together and were always having fun and going out. Then we went on vacation and had an even more amazing time and things were seeming pretty great. We came back and things slowed down. We stopped going out as much and stopped hanging out with friends and ended up sitting around a lot. I feel like things got boring because of me. I stopped really making an effort to go out because I just wanted to be with my amazing gf. So it was about 3 weeks after our vacation and we were just sitting at my house one day and I could tell something seemed up with my gf, she didn't really seem to like being close to me and talking to me. Later that night she called and said we needed to talk. She said she doesn't think she has feelings for me anymore and it wouldn't be fair. She said that it seemed like we didn't enjoy being with each other anymore but she still believes that we could work because of a great day or two we had after vacation. She said she wanted a break and wants to see what she really wants. Things went alright on the phone, I was upset, but we ended up agreeing to see how things went. She came over the next day and things went alright. She didn't seem like she was having fun though, but I think it was because we were hanging out at my house and she got tired of being there so much. I really wanted her back though and I was pretty lost with what to do. We started hanging out less and less and talking less and less over the next 2 weeks and I realized a lot. I realized I was being needy and that I wasn't trying at all the actually have fun and enjoy my time with her. I realized that I need to be able to be independent and go out and do things too. In the second week we made plans for her to come over for the following weekend, things were starting to seem a little better, but then we started fighting. During the end of the second week she was starting to get really mad at me over very stupid things and it pissed me off where I though that I wasn't going to ever talk to her again. But the night before she was supposed to come over she apologized for getting very mad and I forgave her a bit and figured I'd see how things went. She came over the next day then and she seemed so sad. She was really sad and kind of mad. I think because she left me because she wasn't getting a good time out of our relationship and that she wanted someone that would give her a good time. But when we stopped hanging out I started having great times and she seemed to get a little jealous at times. But she was sad and mad and I did what I thought I should, try to comfort her. I asked her what was wrong and we talked just a little. Then she got up and started crying and left. She came back and I was determined to figure out what was up and help her. I didn't find out exactly what was on her mind, I think I know, but i managed to cheer her up and me and her were laughing and she seemed happy again. Then we went out had a great time and went to bed. The next morning things were going great. She seemed really interested in me again and definitely wanted me closer. We ended up cuddling in bed, nothing sexual, and were talking and things seemed like they were going to get way better. That day though we were going to Philly and my gf is a city girl, she loves the city and wants to live there and always be there. So Philly seemed like a great way to have some fun with her. We go there and end up there around 12 am and just party for the rest of the night. Things went pretty good. Then the next morning we got up and idk what happened. We woke up and she was getting mad at me for stupid stuff. Then we came back to my house more into the country and things seemed like how they were right before we split up, boring. She seemed sooo bored around me now and didn't even seem to like talking to me. I didn't know at all what to do. It got me upset and that day didn't go that great.It almost seemed like she hated me out of nowhere. The next day we went out and did things but she still seemed bored. We didn't hang out for a couple days after then slowly she started seeming happy and not bored again. We chilled again like 3 or 4 days after Philly and once again it seemed like things were getting just a little better. The next day she was laughing at all the things I was saying and she seemed really interested and she accidentally said something that was mean to me and she was really sorry about it and really wanted me to be happy. That day went pretty good. The next day though she had made plans to go up to the city, just the night before, and invited me. We went up and For a while we were both having a great time. Then one more time... idk what happened. One second she seemed happy with me then a little later she seemed completely annoyed by me. I didn't do anything that would of made her like that. At one point I just asked her to help me with something really quick. She didn't say anything and just gave me a really pissed off annoyed look and I didn't know why. So I was in a little bit of a down mood for the end of the day. Me and her came back to my house after and she seemed like she just wanted to leave and she did. Now we're back and it's been 2 days since we went to Philly that last time and last night she seemed interested in me and wanting to be with me. Then today she seemed like she was getting annoyed with me again for reasons I don't know. Now she still text me at night and still hits up each day to do stuff, but half the time it seems like she likes me a lot and things will be alright in a couple days, and the other half the time it seems like I'm the most annoying thing in her life and I don't make her happy at all. I really care about this girl and something about her just feels really right and I know we can have great times together and lots of fun because we do, but i don't know if I should keep holding in there in hopes things will work out or just stop trying all together. I'm just so confused with her and what I should be doing. Please let me know what you think I should do in a situation like this. It's really confusing to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo it seems like we're getting closer again. We've been chillin and we went out together yesterday and it seemed like we were having a pretty good time. She went to philly today though, and I just hope that when she comes back things still seem to be getting better....
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 August 2010):
 It's definitely not you. In the beginning you were too needy and you realized that, corrected it by lessening up on her. It seemed like break didn't do anything for her. She's so on again off again with you that I'm confused. This girl hasn't the slightest clue to what she wants and it's not fair to you that you're being yo-yoed back and forth. I think there's more to this girl and her indecisiveness, there's some underlying problem there that you're missing. Frankly, if I were you I wouldn't be able to handle the ups and downs, never knowing where you stand with her. Give her the break she needs, a break-up.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 It's not your fault, but you can still be there to support and understand her. You know how some girls have never been able to express their feelings well since they learned how to talk? Maybe she has suppressed what she wanted to feel and now needs to release all the pent up tension, all at once. Ask her how she dealt with her feelings when she was smaller. I am 29 so I am still learning how to express my feelings, the feelings that never came up to the surface and buried deep in my subconscious. Now I am more aware of my secret desires of being heard, and I am more confident to ask for what I want. Allow her to feel whatever she has to feel. Your calm demeanor would let her know that she has to focus on herself only.
I believe it's not really boredom. She's constanly looking for the outside world to distract her from learning more about herself, knowing what she really wants.
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