A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a question for both guys and girls.Girls - If your boyfriend proposed to you and you accepted but you truly did not like the engagement ring as it was the complete oposite of what you like, would you tell him and risk breaking his heart and being an ungrateful bi**h or would you put up with wearing it every day for the rest of your life?Guys - If you proposed to your girlfriend with a ring you had carefully chosen but she really hated it, would you want her to tell you? Would you break up with her or choose her another ring? Would you hold it against her even if u did stay together? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 You know, when my fella popped the question and gave me the ring, I wasn't crazy about it either. (SHHH, oh my Lord that is still a secret.) But, let me tell you, after wearing it for the last 2.5 years, I've grown really attached to it. Now I love it. I think that down the road, you'll begin to love it more and more.
You got great advice! But this was my experience with a ring that I wasn't head over heels for at first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Argh, that would suck! I sure hope I'm never in that position. But the truth is, I wouldn't say anything. It might be really ugly, and completely not your taste at all, but the thing is that he chose it for you, and so I think eventually you'll start to like it, just for that reason alone! And I know that it is going to be on your body for a LONG time, but it's probably pretty meaningful for him too, to see it there, and so I think exchanging it for a different ring just wouldn't have the same meaning. I think with other presents, this might be appropriate, but with an engagement ring, there is a lot more at stake than just whether you like the way it looks or not. If you wait a year or two, and you still can't stand it, maybe you can think about what to do then. It might be possible to just get the stone reset, and slightly modify it, at that point to be something you're more happy with. But wait on that. you're going to be married to this person for the rest of your life, so you can stand another year or two of wearing an ugly ring.
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female
reader, nicoleray143 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 If you said Yes to the Q will you Marry me..then in my Opinion 'you better Love the Ring regardless..i mean he/she picked it out with Care, as long as it's not CHEAP..Lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Another male perspective here, I'd want to know too.
Firstly I think you should give it a few weeks and see if it grows on you. Sometimes people have this preconceived idea of their perfect ring and when they don't get that they don't like it. Give it a few weeks first.
If after those few weeks have a chat with him about it. I'd be a bit hurt that i didn't pick a good one, not that my fiancé didn't like it. The we'd go and pick another no big deal really.
You have to wear that for the rest of your life, it's only fair it's something you'll love and love to show off. It's only a piece of metal with a couple of rocks in it to me, it's what it symbolizes which is important to me. I'd want to know that when my fiancé looks at it she not only see's my love for her but see's a ring she thinks is beautiful too. There's no point in having a symbol of our ever lasting love on her finger if every time she looks at it she thinks it looks ugly.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (2 November 2010):
I would probably try to put up with it for awhile to see if I could adapt to liking it. I've found that with jewellery, we tend to have our ideal look, so when our partner buys us something, if it's even a little off or not like what we usually prefer, we don't like it. But then I've found that with time, I've adapted into really really liking the jewellery, from getting used to seeing it on me, and the fact that he bought it with love.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (2 November 2010):
 One of the safest ways to let your feelings known and to work through a problem is through humor. In my opinion, shared humor is absolutely vital to a relationship; hopefully, if you're getting married to this guy, you two can laugh over things together. If I were in your shoes with my boyfriend, I would give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him, although I appreciate that you went ring hunting for me, you're a guy and I'm a girl; sparklies are MY expertise and I'd love it if we could return this and go try on rings together. Put it to him directly, but lightly, and stress that he's too masculine to know much about these girly things. If your guy is anything like most guys, he has no idea what to look for in a ring and will feel relieved, rather than offended.
From now on you can also try to be more vocal about what kind of jewelry you like. My boyfriend once gave me a matching set of earrings and necklace. They were beautiful and I love them, but I did think they looked like what someone older might pick out for herself. As it turns out, he had brought his aunt shopping with him. He admitted he brought her because he been thinking of getting me something to do with my zodiac sign and his aunt had said it wasn't a good idea. Well, at least she was right about that. Since then I've made sure to point out jewelry I like when I see it, so he's gotten a good sense of what I like. He's off the hook on an engagement ring though; I told him if he ever proposes I don't want a ring, I want a puppy. :)
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I learned a long time ago that an engagement ring, and more importantly a wedding ring, is something that you need to get your GF's input on. That way you can avoid these situations. But to answer your specific questions. I would want to know she didn't like it and why. I would want her to reinforce that she loves me and still wants to marry me. I would probably be a bit hurt, especially if I had put a lot of effort into it, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for the relationship. I value honesty, even when it is something I might not particularly like hearing. I would not hold it against her if we stayed together.
The problem when it comes to engagement rings is you want it to be a surprise. Having you pick out the ring would eliminate that surprise. It probably would have been best if he had consulted your friends...
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Well honey, it depends on how gaudy this ring is. Is it a family heirloom? Now, I understand some of those rings where the yellow gold which may not be your cup of tea..or it just maybe all around gaudy. But, it is a family antique that is now passed down to you so therefore you should be honored to wear it, and wait till your 10 year anniversary so you can get a new ring. With that being said I do know a guy that gave his fiance a ring passed down but knew she didn't like it, so he got it customized. Which can be very, very expensive and also depreciate the value of the ring. In which those antique rings are pretty valuable. Personally, I like them..but I'm lucky that my husband's deceased mother had very good taste.
Now, if this isn't the case..and he did his absolute best to pick you out a ring all by his self. Then I would have to give him major props for doing that, but usually it's wise to consult one of your friends what looks nice, or ask one of the ladies at the jewelry counter. Then again, it's possible that he was on a tight budget. Honestly, I would grin and bear it till he bought you a new 10th anniversary ring. I couldn't hurt his feelings and tell him I absolutely hate it. In this situation it's the thought that he proposed and took the time to pick out this ring which came from the heart.
Even if you told him lightly that you aren't that wild about the ring, it will still crush him. But you never know, he may take it back (you'd have to check the store's return policy) then you two can go and pick out what you like.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): My sister actually returned the ring and got something she liked (and a slightly larger center stone I might add.) I asked her husband what he thought and how heartbroken he was when she did that and his response was that she'd be wearing it the rest of her life, and he was just happy she accepted. Not sure if all guys are like that, but I think you should not only like but love the ring that's going to be on your finger. I wouldn't know how to bring the topic up...but best of luck!
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 If your relationship is secure enough you can tell him that you love him more than anything but you don't like the style of the ring. He will accept this, he may be a bit disappointed, but he will realise that it is something you will wear forever and you want it to be something you truly treasure.
I've had to do this when my boyfriend bought be a horrible watch for my birthday and he returned it.
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