A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am 34, single and never been married. I have had one relationship, with a woman, for 10 months, eight and a half years ago. Since then, I have been on one date.I have made friends, like I had an older gay guy friend for two years. Then I had a female friend for four years, and during that time I had an even older gay guy friend for a year. Apart from the parting, my friendships have been good (in the case of the first gay guy) to great (in the case of the second gay guy), to downright incredible (in the case of the female friend).I came out as transgendered in May of 2006. I am a woman, and I received a tremendous amount of support for my identity. I came out to the female friend, and that is how we became friends.My wardrobe is 24/7 women's clothing, I have developed my own sense of style and I have received well over 200 different compliments, for bags, shoes, bangles, earrings, dresses, etc. Most women adore me, at least the ones whom I talk with.I am running into an issue right now, and that is - my friendships are history, including the woman to whom I came out (yes I have cried a lot, but I feel O.K., like I am starting a new page), and I am running out of things to do every day (Barnes and Noble gets old after 2 years and 10 months of attendance twice a week, and that's just the one I go to on the weekend), and my body is starting to get interested in meeting women again.I am having feelings, and every day I am finding it harder to just get through the day. I think I am starting to get ready to date, but with my dating history (one date in eight and a half years), I can go for ten years without meeting someone. I've done online (1 year and four months, exhausted 11 different websites, did not go on a single date), and I've done speed dating (twice, I discovered it's basically the same people who are online), and I will not go back.I am worried about how I will operate around women. I know most of them are paired, or do not want my attention, but sometimes there are ones who may be available and I am terrified. I have discovered that the greater my fear is, the greater the relationship will be with that person, if I can meet my fear. I also know there is no substitute for having a relationship.I also know that there are very few people who would like to date me in a given room. I am also blind to some people's interest.I am afraid to talk to women, mostly because I do not know if they want me to talk to them or not. Some do, but some definitely don't. I cannot read minds, so I've always felt that if a woman were interested in me, she would have to tell me. I know that generally they don't.Right now I have 0 options of women, whom I am connected to currently whom I can date. There is one woman whom I connected to recently who has a boyfriend, but is very friendly, and I had feelings about her last night (me with her and her boyfriend, all friendly, good sexy stuff) and I was afraid of my feelings, so I did not talk with her today. I think she would have been fine if I had, but I was afraid of my feelings. In the meantime, I saw two people who hadn't known each other hook up more or less right in front of me. Everything is pretty scary right now. It is much less about the day, but more about the big picture and the long term.I don't even know what my question is :).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Hi. I wrote this question. I wanted to say thank you to the people who responded. I was having an anxious day. It was very cold out, halloween, and I was going through a few changes. I just kind of panicked, and I am feeling much more relaxed today. I don't have any answers, but I feel a little better.
Thank you.
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (31 October 2010):
 try meetup.com....people meet up with other people do do whatever their hobbies are. Thousands of groups and lots of people to meet.
I think part of your problem may be anxiety? People aren't that bad, it just takes a little confidence in yourself to be social.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Why does your profile say that you're a guy? The whole transgender thing is very confusing to me, I don't really understand it... would it be fair to say that most people don't? Hmm.. you didn't know what your question was... and it seems I don't know what my answer is... All I can suggest is to maybe get out there and meet more people- just as friends, with no pressure. Then if you get into the right circles then I can only see that helping your chances of finding more dates.
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