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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This isn't a relationship question but i feel like i really could do with some help.For the past few months i've been thinking about death, yes death, the reason this came about is because a friend, who's in the army, is being deployed to afghanistan, even me typing the word "afghanistan" makes me feel sick. I told him my fears and he seemed to find it ammusing and said it would be fine. I have no experience with the military so i don't really have any idea about how it works etc... Since i found out that he will be going sep 2011 i have this sense of dread, like i just know something bad is going to happen. I've had nightmares, not recently though and i just don't know how to deal with it.Is being injured or worse on a deployment pretty slim or am i being realistic with my fear about death? I've been told only 1% of serving soldiers are killed in the middle east but i just have a hard time believing that. He will be gone 6 months. Does anyone have any statistics or odds on the chances of making it back ok?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I can't give you odds but I can say I understand one of my good friends... You could even say the love of my life shipped to afgahanistan two weaks ago...and when I expressed my fears he just told me not to worrie. That he will be home in no time I told him he can't prove that and he told me to give him seven months and he will prove it. I wish icould tell you not to worrie but that would be useless becouse your going to and life carries no grantes it doesn't matter the odds. All you can do is pray and let god take care of it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo tennisstar88 he will be on a 6 month tour. Thank you your reply makes me feel a little better x
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I'm thinking the U.S. has more casualties...yes C.C Grant is correct on the statistics.
Try being an army wife! He has a very low risk of being blown to bits, but yes I understand nonetheless you'll still be worried every day. Everyone who I have talked to that has come back from Afghanistan says there's not a lot going on over there, it's rather boring at times. There's only one that I've heard of that was in the radius of a bomb and he's got shrapnel in his skin and some burns but he's stable and being cared for in a hospital in Germany..Now if we still had troops in Iraq then I would be worried sick, but thank god that's over.
You have to keep it positive when he goes on his tour, he'll only be gone for a year? Or does he have a 6 month tour? Also, he can email, call (they have phones there), or he can call from his mobile, so it's not like you're not going to hear from him. Always ask if he needs anything, like a care package..there's a lot of things they can't get in Afghanistan so it helps to send them packages with necessities or wants. Keep yourself busy, pray for his safety every night, and before you know it a year will be over and he'll be on a plane home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's not my boyfriend and no, i haven't mentioned any of this to him as that would be highly selfish of me.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Can I ask a question - are you in a relationship with this guy, or just a "friend"?
Soldiers are pretty down to earth about the risks they take. They are in the army, their job is to go out and fight, and they know the risks. If they didnt accept that, they wouldnt be doing soldiering as a career.
I know it is tough for you, and if you are struggling I suggest that you talk to someone - maybe his family, or as suggested a military chaplain can help you talk thru your fears.
It is normal to worry! BUT..No matter how bad you feel tho, you have to be strong. Your friend will need all the support he can get, and he will have to focus on his job -whatever that involves. He does not want extra worry about how you are coping back home. If he is distracted, that will put him at a greater risk. He needs to focus and be alert at all times.
Army wives have a terrible time, but they do band together. There are MANY internet support groups for wives, girlfriends and families of military men. Maybe they might be able to help you?
http://www.armywivesunited.co.uk/
http://www.armywags.com/
You have to accept that there is a risk, and depending on his job it may be greater than others. You cannot spend the next year worrying about it. Life goes on. You just have to get on with it. (And that may sound harsh, but he chose to be in the army).
I know many people who are in the army or who have relatives in the services, and you always worry - its natural, but you have to carry on with life as normal. When the boys are out in theatre, life has to carry on. They have to know that everything at home is ok, and working, and people are happy. They do not want stories of how you spend every day crying and worrying, they want to hear about the fun times. They KNOW you are worrying and missing them, but you have to be strong, for them. They want normality as much as they can get.
As C.Grant put so well... 1% is the risk at the moment. No one can say who, or when or where. Its just one of those things. War is unpredictable and unforgiving.
A boy from my school was killed in Basra in 2007, he was only 18. His family and friends were devastated, but he was doing a job he absolutely loved. He knew the risks but he found such joy and satisfaction in it.
He was unlucky. BUT many many more come back safe. That is what you have to focus on. You cannot have the attitude that he will get hurt - it will put him on edge and make him more nervous and scared.
You just have to be there to support them. You take a backseat, being strong, being supportive. Letters mean the world to them, sometimes they have email and phone. It all depends on where he is being deployed.
I hope I have not upset you even more, but do talk to people who have been there - they know how to deal with it. They will be able to advise you on how to cope and where you can talk to people. The army wives are a mad bunch, BUT they are a solid support group who help each other. They will always be there to support, help and comfort. They do some amazing work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said i can write him letters, i'm sorry if i've come across as over dramatic it's just i know practically zero about the military and this is going to sound ignorant but when i think of the army i just think of people being hurt or worse.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 I don`t have any statistics, but luckily C.Grant has done his homework.
I don`t want to offend you and I´m not proselytizing but maybe it would help to talk to a pastor or priest, perhaps a military chaplain. Do civilians have access to military chaplains in Britain?
Your feelings are understandable and what makes it really scary is that all this is unfamiliar to you. Afghanistan is far away, and like you said, you don`t know about the military. Perhaps it would help to talk to someone from the military (a chaplain, as I suggested) and to find ways of staying as close to your friend as possible. Will he have access to email? Can you guys stay in touch? I think that would give you a good deal of peace.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 The U.K. has between 9,000 and 10,000 troops in Afghanistan at a given time. To date in 2010 96 have died. Since 2001 341 British soldiers have died there. So yes, 1% give or take is the risk this year.
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