A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help solve this puzzle:1. Girls notices guy on dating website2. Girl approaches guy3. Guy responds positively and begins to chat4. Guy disappears without responding for 2 weeks then gets back in touch full of apologies.5. Girls waits a few days to respond and chatting takes off again.6. Girls suggests coffee7. Guy accepts and arranges date8. Date goes very well, great chemistry9. Guy said he is very pleased to meet girl10. Guy gives girls his phone number and email address11. Guy sends txt to say that he would like to stay in touch12. Guy finds girl on facebook and want to become facebook friends.13. Guy emails and compliments girl a lot14. Girl responds positively and timely15. Girls spontaneously asks guy to meet up again16. Guy says nice idea but no he already has plans with friends on that day and the morning after he is off on holiday abroad, but would like to get together once he returns.17. Girls gracefully accepts and let him be.18. Guy returns from holiday and has been back for a week and makes no contact...How to interpret this? It seems rather cruel for him to lead me on and then just dissapear?? He is still on my facebook as a friend. I don't know..
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 April 2011):
 This is simply the way that online dating works I'm afraid - it can be cruel, harsh and painful! I used an online dating site for a few months around 2 years ago, one guy that I met was so unbeliveably into me while talking via email/text and after we had met up for the first time - he would text me all day every day, would not stop saying how amazing I was etc - then all of a sudden after another seemingly great date he said "I think we need to get to know each other more", then stopped texting me and vanished off the face of the earth! Although I did see him on a date a few weeks later so clearly had not given up the game! I cant really pinpoint a reason why he did this, he will have had his reasons I'm sure but it was very weird!
Then the worst one - I met another guy through the dating site and we really hit it off, we decided to give it a go properly so you could say we had started a relationship. 1 month in, I was visiting my parents for the weekend, he was texting me as normal, had a text from him on the saturday night and then never heard from him again. Admittedly this one really upset me, we had slept together, been to each others houses, told parents about each other etc...I could not believe that someone could do such a thing! Literally no explanation, would not reply to my texts or calls but a week or so later was back on the dating site.
So what I would say is that some guys (not all) using dating sites are a bit messed up, they have some issues that they are keeping bottled up and while they seem normal and lovely on the surface, underneath there are some odd things going on making them behave the way they do. All us girls ask is that if he is not interested - simply tell us! But there are a breed of men of seemingly frequent dating sites who are unable to do this and just lack manners and common decency.
But before you give up on dating sites completely (yes there are lots of horror stories but not all men on there are complete nut-jobs!) - I am now with my partner who I met on a dating site and we have been together 18 months. We live together and are incredibly happy. There are good guys out there, they just take a lot longer to find.
So take this as a learning experience - there will be plenty more guys like this one on dating sites so you have to be careful, and learn not to take it to heart. Remove him from your Facebook and move on, he is a time waster and will only mess you around. Genuine men are quite straightforward - if they like you they will pursue you, if they are not interested they will mess you about depending on what other options they have at the time.
So key lesson learned here - men on dating sites often will mess you around, as soon as you get an indication that he is off and on with his interest then stay away. If there is a guy who is constant with his contact and interest, both in terms of organising dates and texting/calling you - then he is a genuine one and he can be trusted.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 This is no puzzle, it's how I - net dating works most of the times. It goes by unexplicited yet very real rules, and it's a bit different than in " real life ".
This guy is not corresponding just with you, he may be in touch with other 5 or 10 or 20 women. Unless one does not get really impressed/ bowled over / hit by Cupid's arrow at the first date, he'll make a sort of short list and he'll keep stalling and bargaining for time until he decides what suits him best. That may take time, or in fact even never end. Dating sites tend to become addictive, one always wonder if there could be some even better option out there, if there's the chance for an upgrade.
Is this leading on people ? Yes and not. In real life it would be seen like stringing somebody along. But on dating sites, it's sort of a given that you should not have many expectations. SOME people will actually be there seriously seeking their twin soul, but most will be there out of curiosity, to kill time, to boost their ego, to " see what's out there ". While in everyday life it would be detrimental to keep spending time with a person that you are not totally " sold on " , so the screening process is faster- on line, hey everybody's got time for a few emails or texts, and you never know ,... so might as well to keep your options open.
But since everybody knows that- or gets to figure it out pretty soon- then, it's not considered " cruel " or " deceptive ".
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