| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have never tried online dating. I am moving to a new city and am considering it to meet people. Like cellphones and facebook I thought I would defy the trend of online dating for a while before I join the masses...I've never met a person who has had an online date experience with a happy ending. My suspicion tells me it tends to be an upgraded version of craigslist personals. Any advice on which service to use?Any advice to write in the personal? Things to avoid?I am 30, not interested in kids or marriage, I just want to meet people in a new city whose company I can enjoy...Open-ended answers welcome.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. It sounds like a full time job weeding out people and playing defensive just for the privilege to spend an hour or two with someone you might happen to like.
At times I wonder if I shouldn't just stick to the old fashion way and join clubs for activities I already enjoy doing like a running club.
In truth, I haven't dated a lot. I haven't had a real relationship since university. In the past, I haven't been the most proactive when it comes to chasing down men either. I have asked men I've like out on dates, but they always end up more shy or more ambivalent about it than me.
I've dated a couple of a**holes already; usually because they have charming approaches and I am a sucker for flattery. Then when I get unhappy about the way things are, I always turn a blind eye, settle, and try to be patient or optimistic about it...then it blows up in my face.
These are bad habits I am trying to change. I was looking at online dating as a way to at most, give me a better selection of men, and at least, be able me be friendly with dates that didn't work out.
Thanks for the advice, I think I'll try okcupid.
A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 First of all you are in your 30's so DO IT! and now. You must be leary of studio photos, as those are scammers from UK and Nigeria. Keep in mind, doctors and engineers ARE NOT going to be online looking for dates they are TOO BUSY! Watch for the North African men in computer cafe's they are scammers too. On these websites you will get alot of interest the first 7days, it will be someone so exciting you WILL pay to be able to contact him. That's the scam. Nothing is free, remember that. Always post a few photos. NEVER, EVER go on web cam. I am a pretty lady, but I look HORRIBLE on web cam I have literally had that "perfect" guy drop the call right then and there! So to avoid hurt feelings, seeing body parts that shouldn't be seen, or asking you to show things is really unnerving! So please, don't do web cam.Men are lazy and just don't want to make the effort to have that in person meet n greet. NEVER, EVER believe the ones who say they are coincidentally visiting your town that weekend, and could he stay at your place, or worse, meet him at his hotel! Never give your address to the ones who want to "send you flowers". That's the scammers fishing for ID information. If you make a date and he stands you up, meaning he left you at Starbuck drinking your 3rd latte, don't even ask him what happened. That's the disappearing guy, who really isn't ready for a relationship. If he can stand you up, he will also not answer your call after you had what you thought was a great time. Save yourself heartache. Online dating takes TIME. You have to peruse 100's of ads every other day. The best day to make a date is SUNDAY. Schedule 2 dates a week, it can be intoxicating, thrilling, and an ego boost. If things didn't go so well with the first guy, you have another to look forward to. Never date right after work, be rested and dress casually when you meet someone. The best places are a unique coffee shop NOT STARBUCKS! And a museum. Always give your date a hug, I was a first date kisser, but I have learned never to kiss on a first date. It was hard, but don't do it. Ladies don't pay, but it is fine to pay your own bill, don't be a man and pay the entire tab. Don't insist on paying if he takes care of everything. I've never met a man who SAIS he WAS NOT looking for a wife/family, but many ARE NOT! And I don't know how to tell the difference, it's a secret only they know...So, don't ask those marriage/baby questions (ladies over 29)of course they are going to say "sure I want kids"... Now, about me, I met my husband online. I would travel to my closest states to meet a man. But I didn't understand why NOT ONE in my town was interested in me, that's when I realized that the out of towners just wanted a weekend fling! So the criteria I set was he had to live near me so we could CONTINUE
...............................
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (27 January 2011):
It can be like pulling teeth... but it depends what sites you go on. I am on a free site but the problem with that is you do get a lot of men and woman on there for other reasons.. wanting a bit of excitement whilst the hubby or the wife is away or they are just after an easy lay. You just have to look out for the signs!
I am on plenty of fish... although I do call it plenty of shit to be truthful. My problem however is that I am far too bloomin fussy, so it may be down to my own doing rather than the site. I was also on Match.com, you can join this and view people prior to paying which I think is a good thing as not to waste your money.
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Hi,
I have been online dating since I was 17, I am now 21 and I always used the same site, plentyoffish.com
Its totally free and easy to use and its international. You can specify what you are looking for on your profile and search for people with the same intentions, such as looking for; dating, friends, sexual encounter, long term relationship, casual etc. You can also block emails from people just looking for sex.
I have been on some good dates and bad dates. My last one was 2.5 years ago and we are still together! :-)
I have also just joined a club in my area. Which is also a worldwide org.
http://www.toastmasters.org/
I joined specifically to improve my public speaking, but I was pleasantly surprised at how lovely and inviting the people were there. One of the members is from the USA and has recently moved to the UK.
I think you would enjoy it for the friendship and getting to know people in your area.
Good luck :-)
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I hear ya, I'm just trying out the online dating thing myself. So far, it's been a mixed bag. I've met a couple of nice girls, even have a date with one tomorrow, but it can also be very very frustrating.
If you're on the fence about it, then you probably don't want to pay for the service. OKCupid is a pretty decent free service. They have a matching system that you control by answering questions and rating their importance to you.
In your personal add, you want to tell people why they would want to get to know/date you. It's a bit like selling yourself to an employer or something like that. You also want to avoid getting overly personal because it is out there for anyone to read.
I'd suggest you read through other people's adds as well. They can often give you a good idea of what to put out there.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Most of them want sex,are married,ask if you have a cam. You may find a real nice one who doesnt lie,but be on your guard and remember the old saying,if something seems too good to be true,it usually is.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Just watch out for the clingers on there. By clinger I mean the people that just got out of a long relationship and are looking for that new instant "love", aka a replacement for their last heart break.
...............................
|
