A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What should I do??? My boyfriend of 3 months (who is 24) and I (I'm 21) met and fell in love very quickly, despite previous heartbreaks in serious relationships for both of us, but due to stress he was going through with his family we "broke up" for about a week or two a little over a month ago. We got back together almost immediately and I know he loves me and I love him, but he slept with a friend (girl) of his when he was drunk once during our "break." She just called him up with the news that she is pregnant, and he doesn't think she would lie to him about him being the father of the child, and she has been to the doctor and is definitely pregnant. I love him and want to be with him, but I don't know how to handle this if he is the father, especially because we started talking about possibly having children of our own together soon...he doesn't love this other girl or want to be with her although we have talked shortly about him being in the child's life (if the girl will let him, because all she has claimed she wants from him at this point is child support, they haven't even talked about custody/visitation). He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but he understands if I don't want to put myself in this situation and I can tell how truly sorry he is about it. Any advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not the mistress, we were together two months before we took our mini-break, which resulted in this pregnancy. He was NEVER in a relationship with her and does not even know her that well, want to be with her at all, or love her. I forgave him for sleeping with her (he told me before we got back together) before either of us knew about the baby and he didn't cheat on HER bc he was never with her. We've been together seriously 5 weeks since this mini-break and hasn't seen her/talked to her since the night they hooked up until she informed him about this baby. Its not even 100% for sure that it is his child since they only slept together once and she's slept with other people as she is not in a relationship with him or anyone else at the moment. Plus from all accounts, she purposely was trying to seduce him/use him while my bf was completely drunk.
A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Are you serious!? You're BOYFRIEND?? Don't you mean YOU are the OTHER woman!! You are the mistress, this man has a child on the way because he sleeps around without protection!! Move on, delete his number. When that baby comes, I don't know of ONE couple who didn't get back together to try to make things work! oi! His life will be about WORKING to pay child support! And don't waste your time working out custody arrangements, so you are his lawyer??? Move on. He CHEATED on you AND her! Wake up! Close that chapter and don't even explain to him why. Find a guy, who doesn't go to bed with mystery women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I haven't met the girl, but also she and my bf are not good friends. I wouldn't even classify them as friends because they only met a few months ago before we began out relationship and only have hung out together (always with other friends) a few times. Especially with the way she has been acting about this child. She basically told him she's either expecting a relationship with him or financial support. He has already made it clear to her however that a relationship between himself and her is impossible. I do love him, and I want to be able to stay and support him through this but it is difficult! I have already told him that he should definitely get a paternity test ASAP because, especially if I stay/marry him/get pregnant, I want to make sure he's not supporting a child who isn't his. At this point, because it is hurting me so much, I kind of feel like I hate this girl on principle. I would be willing to meet with her, but I definitely would be hurt and resentful towards her because of this situation and because I want to be the mother of my bf's children, especially his first! Even though I know it is not completely her fault, basically everyone who was around says my bf was completely trashed and she was sober and dragged him off, and the way she's acted since she found out she was pregnant is making me question her character a lot more than I would've normally.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I agree 100% with guillaume. You have only been dating for three months, so it would be in your best interest to leave the relationship now. I know this is not the advice you wanted to hear, but you are too young to settle for a man like this. If you look around this website, you will find hundreds of questions from women who are having a horrible time dealing with the relationship their husband or boyfriend has with his ex... especially when there are children involved.
By asking this question, you already have a gut feeling that you need to cut ties with this man. One's instincts are usually right.
Please let us know what you decide to do! Good luck!
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female
reader, Sensible Sam  +, writes (27 January 2011):
I thinkt he best thing you can do in this situation sweetheart is to carry on taling about the possibilities and the future and what he wants from this woman (obv nothing in the sense of a relationship) but more of the access situation or whether he is happy to leave her to it and just want progress reports on the baby??? If he is not 100% sure he is the father then I would suggest that you get a DNA test done once the baby is born, just mainly for reassurance. I think the best thing you can do is to stand by him (that is if you want to be a part of his life forever) you can't stand in his way if he does want something to do with the child as he will resent you for that fact at a later date. Keep talking and maybe meet up with this girl as well after you have spoken and seen what your boyfriend has decided, that way you can sit down with her and he can say that he wants to part of the childs life or not and that she cant take away the fact that he is the father and cant stop him from seeing the child!!! Hope it helps xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I wonder whether you have met the other woman or not, whether you are open to meeting her, and whether she and your boyfriend would be open to the idea of you and her having lunch (spend the afternoon) together, or what not. This is not to say that you need to investigate this woman, or substiate any claims being made. The fact of the matter is that you care very much about the man whom she claims has fathered her child, and regardless of what degree of involvement he and her have with one another as a result of this child, were you and he to decide to continue your relationship with one another (which seems to be the very issue about which you are seeking advice), it stands to reason that you may as well acquaint yourself with this woman who will likely have some sort of presence (whether in a financial or custodial aspect).
My point being, your question didn't give the impression that you have actually even met this woman, and it would be advisable that, in your consideration of whether or not maintain your relationship with your boyfriend, you have gauged as much of the scenery of what all a relationship with him will entail. If she is really a friend of your boyfriend and cares about him, I couldn't imagine that she'd have any qualms about assuring you that she is a decent person and will not be the sort of person that you would not want affecting your (and his) ability to have a happy life. Unfortunately for him, it doesn't seem he has much choice in the matter. You do.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Sam +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think the best thing to do in this situation is to carry on talking about what the possibilities are once this child has been born, if your boyfriend wants something to do witht the baby then he has rights and the mother can't take them away. I think that he should talk to this woman be honest with her about what he wants from her (whether it be access, or up to date progress reports on the child) also I think unless she and your boyfriend are 100% that he is the father then you should see about getting a DNA test, just for reassurance. I think the best thing you can do is to stand by him, if you really love him and want to spend the rest of your lives together then you have to understand that this child will be part of his life (if its his). If you can do that and see the situation for what it is that he may have a child with someone else but he loves you and wants you then you can continue to build bridges and hopefully have a loving, happy, committed relationship!!!!
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