A
male
age
36-40,
*usty00
writes:Hi so recently i set up a profile on a dating site. I was contacted by a girl that looked really cute. We talked for a bit exchanged phone numbers, and texted a bunch, she was really cool and we had some common interests. We met up recently and i was really shocked since she is really big all pics were face shots so i had no clue. We had a good time will hanging out but iam not physically attracted to her in the least. Has anyone dealt with this before? How can i let her know iam not interested in anything romantic without crushing her self esteem? She seems to be really interested/like me.
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male
reader, dusty00 +, writes (7 February 2013):
dusty00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for the help, i told her i dont see us being anything more than friends and she took it really well. Its a real load of my mind.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Just tell her you really enjoy her company and think of her as a great friend (that should start giving her the hint, that she is being friend-zoned), but you think you should both see other people as you feel like she's more of a sister to you now. I don't think you owe anyone a detailed explanation of what it is about them that you do not find them attractive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): Here's what you do. Tell her you had a great time on your date, but you have a "type" of woman you are attracted to, and that it wouldn't be fair to yourself OR her to keep seeing her, or start a relationship where there is no attraction from your end. Tell her she deserves to be with someone who thinks the world of her AND her body. There are plenty of men out there who adore large women, she just has to find them. I would also suggest for future reference, you webcam with women before meeting them in person. Simply asking for a full body photo won't necessarily work, because if it's taken from a good enough angle, it can still make them appear a lot thinner, and they can also edit the photo.Whatever you do, don't lie to this woman or just disappear on her. This pisses women off, and leaves them wondering. She deserves to know the truth. You will also be doing her a favor by telling her, because then she'll know this won't work on other guys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): If she is really big, she knows that her chances are slim with a guy unless he is a chubby chaser. That was the reason why she put only her face there. If a girl has a normal body shape she would want to promote herself not hide it.I had my face only on line, but when I was asked for a full picture I send guys pictures of me in a bathing suit. I think I have a nice body, but by no definition I m skinny at 135lb. If a guy is into really skinny girls than I'm not for him, why waste his time and mine. Also I would never go on a date with anyone unless I see his full picture. Its just a waiste of time if a deal breaker for me someone completely out of shape, and a guy come on a date looking like he is 7 month pregnant.One of the guys that I dated for awhile, seemed like he really liked me, said at almost very end that he likes petite and really thin women. That's why pictures are important so you can make decisions before not after the date.I wouldn't advice you to tell her that she is overweight. She knows it. Just decline second date, she ll understand
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Loool dude this happens a lot to ppl. For all u kno im a midget n not this big strong man. Tell her she looked way different than her pics n say youre not attracted. Dont be a wuss. This chick omitted how she looked and for good reason shes fat!!! Lose her number too.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 January 2013):
If she's more than a little overweight than you should say something. As SVC said she was lying by emission which wasted both of your time.
If she was just a little chubby its not worth hurting her.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 I would agree with the first male anon. Just say thanks, and don't follow-up for a second date.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 through the pic exchanges i think you shouldve asked for a full body pic..then you would know that you wana meet her or not..this is sad and you probably lifted her hopes up for nothing!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): This is a true test of maturity and class right now.Be honest with her in that, you had fun on your meeting date, but did not feel that there was anything more there than a friendship and wish her the best in finding the right person for her. Obviously you "hit it off" at some level or it would not have gone any further, so that's not a lie, but that doesn't mean you would fall instantly in love... and that really is perfectly exceptable. Honesty goes a long way. Where her feelings would be bruised is if you told her what she already knows was the reason, for you...it's not necessary. There are men out there that are attracted to plus size women so she will find the one for her eventually....you just aren't it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2013):
 DO not beat around the bush with this.
She knows she's a "big girl". That's why she only posted face shots. It's not like you are going to tell her something she does not know.
Also, YOU are NEVER responsible for someone's self-esteem.
She probably does like you. AND you LIKE HER. But she was clearly less than honest with you hoping that her shinning personality would override your taste in women.
IF you told her you would contact her, then you must do so if just to say you have had second thoughts and it does not seem that it will work out.
I wonder if she is just overweight or is she obese... because that would also depend on HOW honest I would tell you to be.
IF she is VERY OVERWEIGHT (50 or more pounds) then she's lying by omission on line in hopes that she will be able to override body type taste with intelligence and personality. Then I think it might be in her best interest for you to be HONEST about it and let her know that while you really like her a lot you would have been happier if she had been more forthright about her size. She probably does not realize there are plenty of quality men out there that like "fluffy" girls.
If it's just a bit overweight, well then the chemistry was just not there for you and I would go that route..
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (25 January 2013):
I agree with Kenny, just back off in a subtle way and don't agree to "just good friends" or anything otherwise it will give her false hope for the future.
(You know what, part of me is thinking you should tell her the truth for her own future benefit and to jolt her into action regarding her excess baggage but no, that would indeed be too cruel. Shame though!)
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (25 January 2013):
 I would just be truthful and honest and don't lead her on in any sort of way. Just say you don't really envisage anything of a romantic nature materialising between the pair of you, do it sooner rather than later as the longer you leave it the harder it will get. Be polite and don't say its anything to do with how big she is, this will crush her self esteem.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): Tell her thanks for the date, no need to expand, just don't ask for a second.She should understand.
Ask for a full lenght photo next time to save this situation repeating.
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