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writes: Hi there, I've been going out with my girlfriend for two and half years and we recently been speaking about marriage. She has been crying a lot recently for no reason and when I ask her whats wrong she tells me "nothing in particular, just everything".But recently she confessed that whilst on holiday with her friends (we had been going out for 3 months approx) approx two years ago she had a drunken snog with some boy at a club and goes on to tell me that she she couldn't keep it a secret anymore. I questioned her harshly, and I do believe her that it was only 1 kiss. She said she had to tell me if we where going to get married soon.I feel so hurt and let down, because to me it's the perfect relationship and I believed that she would never do that to me.She says she really loves me and it was a long time ago and it was a drunken mistake that she has always regretted.I dont know whether to keep her or not or how this will affect are relationship in the future, I haven't spoken to her for 3 days and am not sure if I'm overreacting or I should put the past behind us.I am 100% sure that she would never do it again, but thats not really the point, is it? Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2005): Hi mate can sympathise but i would forgive her.I had been going out with girlfriend for just under 2 months and she went on holiday recently to greece and dhe admitted when she came back she had snogged a guy or few minutes one night but that was it,i believed her as she is very upfront about things,obviously i was bit teed off but to be fair she had booked holiday well in advance before we met and had originally been going as a single so i could understand temptation but she does know if it ever happens back here its curtains for our relationship,but i think your girlfriend was a one off and you should try and forgive her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2005): Hey,Well I can only speak for myself here, but I have very strong views on the whole drunken kiss thing. I'm 18 years old have been involved in intimate relationships before. I have a very strict policy in that I will not tolerate cheating in any way, shape or form. Again, I can only reference myself here, but I have been, on numerous occasions, inebriated and in a position to cheat on my partner. I am proud to say I have never done this. In my (admittedly short) lifetime.As far as I am concerned, relationships are built on trust. If you like (love) somebody, you ideally would like to be in such a position that you can trust them to be faithful. I understand that you are sure she won't do it again, and I concede to your superior judgment on this particular case. My view would be along the lines of "trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice..." What you need to do now, is make sure you can live with this facet of your relationship's history. I'm aware that many would think my view very rigid, but I personally don't think that things would be the same for me after. If you can live happily in this knowledge, for the rest of your life, I would hold you in very high esteem.To summarise: take time out, think about how this affects your relationship. The question is: Do you feel the same about her knowing she cheated?(and yes, even a drunken kiss is cheating)And if not, can you still see yourself in a relationship with her?Think about it, and best of luck whatever you choose.Shane
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (15 May 2005):
Man, I have been through the same thing, except worse. I found out months later that my girlfriend kissed her best friend's cousin the DAY AFTER we started going out. She wasn't even drunk when she was kissin all over this guy. I was shocked when I found out, and I broke it off but hooked back up a week later because I didn't want to lose her just like that you know? It sucks to think about your girl kissing someone else, to think about the betrayal, but I've put it behind me, and I think you should too. Don't let one small mistake ruin it with her. If she went down on him or screwed him, then yeah it should be over. Give her a chance. I'm glad I did.
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reader, star3482 +, writes (14 May 2005):
You are overreacting!!! jesus! the girl confessed and did a brave and honest thing because she felt so bad about it!! that proves she would never do it again and she hasnt done it since - if you let her go you will be a fool! 3 months isnt really a long term relationship and so it is forgivable. plus a drunken kiss? thats not even really cheating! take her back; she's a diamond!
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