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writes: I have been married since 1989 and with my husband since we were both 17 years old. For about the past year, maybe a little more than that, we have been fighting about stuff like him thinking I am lying to him and hiding things from him. I admit I have hid some things, mainly to avoid conflict and I haven't actually lied, perhaps white lies and half truths about things, but that is also to try to avoid conflicts. But now he wants a divorce because he had quit smoking and I haven't. He says it is one more lie in a series of nonstop lying. What do you think I should do?
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (14 May 2005):
As for the lying thing, it's best to come clean. It's easy to white out the truth, especially to avoid conflict, and it's easy to rationalize it as being right (they won't get hurt if I don't say anything). The truth is harsh, but lies put distance between people. Picture a foggy old bridge between you and your husband, when it should be a sunny, green field with flowers and sunshine. Ok, that was stupid but you get what I mean. It would be right to bridge the gap, and try with him. Make a list of his lies too. And don't quit smoking unless YOU want to. I'm tired of being guilt tripped by my family to quit smoking. Best wishes.
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