A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a small problem with my other half and I.We have been together for 5 fantastic years now. Been engaged for 6 months now.When my other half and I fool around she likes me to go down on here, which I like doing. I give her an orgasm and thats it. The end. Finished/ I dont get it. She don't want to do any more.I feel like I am being used and getting nothing in return.She dont like going down on me with or without a rubber.She loves the sex but I find it very hard to have sex with her recently as every position hurts. I dont get it.Everything is fine apart from this.Any help or advice would be great. :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I can see why you are concerned. You are worried this will get worse not better and that nothing will ever improve. Tread carefully as that might be the case and if it is then a life with her won't feel very loving.
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 I really don't agree with the anonymous reader on here... I don't think you should take that advice, plainly because there's obviously a problem that she isn't discussing with you and if you go up to her demanding explanations, she will be even more hesitant to give you them.
It would seem that she likes you going down on her because she can be satisfied without having sex which obviously causes her too much pain to find enjoyable.
I would talk to her about this, unaccusingly.
Say to her that you feel a bit worried that sex hurts her so much and would like to try to understand why she is quite hesitant about making love. Tell her that you would like to know plainly because you care about her and wonder whether there is anything you can do to help.
The only way you're going to truely get an answer to this is to ask her. But choose your words wisely and don't accuse her of anything, I think there's probably something she's not telling you because she finds it an embarrassing topic, but if you make her feel at ease and, as you said, everything else in the relationship is great, she'll trust you and find it easier to talk to you about it.
Remember to use sentences that begin with "I feel that" or " I think that sometimes..." and not " You don't .." "You never ..." because she can't accuse you for the way you feel, but she certainly can for accusing her.
Accusing her will make her crawl back into her shell more and you will get no where. She'll go into self defence and you won't make any progress in the situation.
Just be calm about the situation and be patient and hopefully you will get somewhere.
Best of luck and take care xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Thanks for the replys.
Really means a lot to me. :)
Well I spoke to her. Didnt get much form here apart from im sorry over and over. To be honest, I know this wont change.
Things were much better when we were younger, learning new things. Anal sex has come up a few times. She wants nothing to do with it yet it's something I would like to explore. Never mind. lol.
I even asked if she could send me a picture from her mobile phone and she kept making excuses about it.
I don't know where this is going at all. :(
I know she dont like going down on me because I smell. Even if I spend a goot 5 minutes clening him, she will still say it smells. Well, il sorry. It wont get any cleaner or become smell free.
The list goes on and on but I dont really want to go to far in to it. :)
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A
male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 It's a bit odd since most men finish before women, however I am sure there is a remedy!
I guess the first thing you should do is ask her why does she not like to go further after her orgasm and if she would like to try going beyond because you are not fully satisfied. It's a very touch subject so be cautious!
Moving on to the sexual aspect of things. What ever you do don't make her reach orgasm first. Try other things first before you move on to the things she loves like receiving oral sex. Maybe ask if she would focus on you first. After that You could get her warmed up with your hand and finnaly when you are happy give her the Big O.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Confront her she's being stingy and that's not real fare I see your point but maybe she's saving her tricks for you honey moon **wink**..:)
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