A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I am married but getting very close to a colleague at work. We are very flirty and becoming quite tactile. I want to take things further (she is married too).I feel we will become 'fuck buddies' soon. We get on fantastically well but are very happy in our marriages.Do these relationships work (sex, friendship but remaining happily married to our partners)? your thoughts and experiences would be helpful before the next stepRich
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): I think it's horrible that you could possible ask your wife of something like that, or do it in secret. It's wrong, it's horrible on her.
You need to re-think the WHOLe situation quite carefully.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I believe that affairs do not work, someone always ends up getting hurt and it is not fair to partners who do not chose to be part of a love triangle.
If lust and passion is felt for other than your partner, then you need to assess your current relationship.
Yes, after the honey moon period some couples may lose their spark, but with determination, love and imagination, problems can be fixed.
Question you must ask yourself is, how would you feel if you just found out that your wife had been having an affair for the last six months? How do you know she isn't? Of course, she isn't but if she was, you would be devastated.
Perhaps you need to put yourself in her shoes to understand how it would feel to be on "the other side"
A new face can bring excitement to your mind, but would it last and would be worth losing everything for the sake of a fling?
I have a radical way of looking at lust:
Having the perfect sexy dress at home, I am a happy girl, but sure when I look at high street shop window and see another dress, I say to myself, Wow, great dress!
But it would not fit me or making me feel better if I got it!
Having lustful thoughts is one thing, acting on them is another.
Don't do onto others what you do not wish on yourself.
It is so easy to sit here and judge and tell you it is wrong and what you should do/don't do.
But it took bravery to share your intimate thoughts and it only confirms that deep down you do not wish to do this, just getting a bit greedy to have your cake and eat it.
It is your life and your decision,I hope you find the strengh to resist temptation and use your energy in the wife you have at home.
you have enough work to do with keep one woman happy.
Take care
Angel of Love
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): My husband had a fuck buddie. Didn't work out too well for him and her when they got caught. Your a shit. Hope you get caught too! Then you won't be so cocky.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (25 November 2007):
 Hey hon, the fact that you are both married, i dont think you should do it, but i also dont think you're going to lsiten to that.. stay safe.. I hope i helped, Feel free to mail me aout anything x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): You'll be a fool to get involved. I started seeing a man I work with. We are both married, although I am in an unhappy marriage, he claims that he is happy and feels terrible about what he's doing. So terrible he kept sleeping with me! At first he made me feel special, but after nearly 10 months we saw eachother less and less before I realised I was being used and now I feel cheap and stupid for falling for him. Treat your wife with a bit of respect and sort out your own problems first, but really she doesn't deserve someone like you. I've learned my lesson the hard way and have lost all respect for myself. Think about what you're doing, it's not a game
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): JUST DON'T DO IT. end of story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): I agree with Fade878, run it past your spouses. I know - she was being sarcastic. However, I'm serious. If you think that you can tell your spouses in advance and ask them what they think, then do it and go for it is they approve. I doubt that there is a chance in hell that both will say OK. If you can't ask they, then forget it forever. I have never had an affair with either my first wife or my current wife, but if I ever had the desire to, I would ask her what she thought. Maybe crazy to ask, but my wife is unusual in regards to things like this. If she said no way in hell, that would be the end of it and she would not hold any hard feelings for asking.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (23 November 2007):
 Hi
Very happy in our marriages? I doubt it. Or the question wouldnt even arise. If you get into something with her, you can bet your life shes not happy in her marriage and when you make it clear further down the line that shes only a shag, then she might turn bitter and tell the wifey. Ooops, then it gets real messy.
Very rarely does casual sex mates work. One usually gets too attached. And more than one ends up getting hurt, and its usually the unsuspecting cheated on wife or husband.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): You're obviously not as "happy" in your marriages as you say, or you wouldn't be looking for a piece on the side. Anyway, a bit of advice. Don't shit where you eat! That's the best way to put it. When it doesn't work out, your job can end up at risk. Also, all your coworkers will end up knowing about the affair. Then all you have to do is see one at the store and they say "Oh, you're back together. How nice." If you do it anyway, when all this happens please think of me and tell others "Don't shit where you eat!"
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (23 November 2007):
You are playing with fire.Unless you are immune to developing feelings or falling in love you are safe.How can you start romancing another woman and not expect it to affect your marraige?Unless you can sleep with her and have no feelings for her,you are somehow safe.However,i would like to know if you really love your wife?Because if you do,you would not be thinking of sleeping with another woman.I suggest you spend less time with her for yoour marraige's sake and spend more time with your wife.You may learn a few amazing things about your wife you took for granted.Being the grown up man you are,the ball is in your court.You could become fuck mates if that's what you really want but bear the consequences later on.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (23 November 2007):
 You want to knwo what I think? I had an office fling once. get that? Once?
They do not work out, its totally wrong and morral, your both married and even if neither of your partners ever suspect (which is highly doubtful, especially your wife will know we always do) then when you shag fest is over you two will no longer be able to work together, she will be emotionally involved and want both of you to end your marages, your families your kids will suffer, work will fire you because of the whole sex in the workplace rule.
In short you will loose EVERYTHING because you wanted a quickie on the sly.
So you want to know what I tink? I think your a moron!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): Rich, sex with a woman is not fucking. It is emotional and involves love. A prostitute is a woman that can have sex without feeling. How disrespectul of your colleague. Why don't you call her your "fuck buddy" to her face and see how she reacts? WOW, b4 you start something with your "fuck buddy", you had better restate how happy you are in your marriage. How can you even say that? You would only be looking for an affair if something is missing from your marriage. I hope your wife finds out and leaves your ass, taking everything and leaving you to your happily married "FUCK BUDDY". Seriously, if your wife found out, what would you do? This is about sex and if your sex life with your wife is not good, your marriage is over. It may not be over now, but it will be. Take the energy you are putting into the "trying to land this woman in bed" and put it into your marriage. Is your wife your "fuck buddy"? How would you feel facing your wife, getting intimate (which by the way, she feels is "making LOVE" and know that you just "fucked" someone else. If you can do this, I feel sorry for your wife and really for you. This will eventually ruin your marriage, one way or the other. Hey, and by the way, maybe your not satisfying your wife sexually...put the shoe on the other foot loverboy!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): There will never be F* buddies in real life. Wemen use heart while men always use their brain. You'll face the real shit problem after.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): I say discuss it with your spouses, see what they think. If they are happy that you want a 'fuck buddy' then go for it. After all, if your marriages are as good as you say, they will understand. Right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): Adultery curses you. Damnation will follow you if you sucumb to this unnecessary shallow sexual appetite for this forbbiden woman. It's very childish of you to make plans to cheat when you have already a good relationship. I really doubt you are happy in your marriage. You think you are a 'macho man' who can choose to have sex with whomever you want to and still have a 'happy marriage' being a hypocrite the rest of your life. Evidently you've never experienced what is the meaning of love. Where do they teach men their sexual urges and fantasies are so important they must be pleased each and every time they want just because they are men? Those who taught you to cheat on your spouse and then conceal the crime are just as empty as you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): You "feel' you will become f**kbuddies?? God, Rich...you are treating this woman like she's your own potential 'sperm depository' and yet...nothing has happened. You sound desperate, sad and hormonal. How pitiful, that you are such a empty, shell of a person to treat a woman, any woman like she's 'meat'. *sigh* I don't care if she's flirting..you need to stop using her to meet your future sexual needs. Treat others in life with respect and with compassion. You don’t really, really know this woman, do you, Rich. You just know what you "think" she is and what you "want" her to be, which has little basis in reality. You are dreaming. Go home to your wife and give this idea up, entirely...today. Gosh I feel sorry for your wife...really I do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): how can you be both happily married yet your considering being(fuck buddies)your obviously unhappy when it comes to sex but was in denial until this female came along,if you want more than unhappiness in your marriages i say go ahead and enjoy yourselves and when you realize what you`ve done or until your partners suspect something maybe then you`ll realize that sex wasnt that important after all and now your on the divorce list and lost everything including your(fuck buddy)
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