A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not one to usually share but am slowly driving myself crazy with this problem. I moved in to a house share about 2years ago and it was great except I soon fancied one of my housemates. Despite getting on great he never showed any obvious signs but, as I have seen him when he likes other girls, he is very hard to read.Until recently, I was dating a lovely guy for a year and for the first 8 months I didn't have any feelings for my housemate. Then they crept back and, among other things, had a hand in me ending my relationship about a month ago.So now I'm back where I left off - completely into a guy who has no interest in me...beyond pathetic. I know the standard advice - maybe I should move out but I really love living here. My other flatmate is one of my best friends and it is such a great house.So I want advice on what to do - is there a way to tell if he likes me at all? Should I just tell him and hope we can be friends after he rejects me? Or, probably a more apt question, is there a way just to get over him without losing him as a friend. I don't want to be driving myself crazy for another 2 years! Please help....any advice would be appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to say thank you for the advice - I'm still not sure what to do but I feel I need time on my own at the moment, I just wish I could shut off the feelings for a while. Maybe in a month or two I will finally have the guts to tell him how I feel...
Just wanted to add, I think he does flirt with me when we have had a few drinks (and my mates think so to but they would say that) and he can randomly do really nice things for me like offering to take me to the train station at four in the morning....but then other times it feels like he has no interest whatsoever. He also said nothing to me about my break up with my ex but has asked my other flatmate numerous times about it and whether I'm okay.
As I said, he is hard to read! Anyway, thanks again for the advice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): Telling him is really scary. I get that. Nothing like airing an obsession to get over it. I've been there. He's never shown any interest in you? At all? Then I would have a conversation that told him about your interest and that also recognizes that he's not interested. If he is, he can correct you. If not, you can be great friends. And I agree with the poster who warns about losing a friend should you become a couple.
I have a posting on my blog about sex and housemates. www.sharinghousing.com.
Note that obsession is different from being in love. If you said you were in love with him...
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (21 April 2010):
 The best thing to do is to remain on friendly terms with him. Ask him if he wants to hang out (as friends) somewhere, maybe go to a movie or a pizza and try to bond more with him without coming on to him. Try having serious chats with him about all different kinds of things too. I'm sure if he becomes more interested in you then he'll soon let you know. DON'T however tell him you like him as this could scare him off, let it come from him! Also be sure that he knows you've finished with your boyfriend! (winks)
Good luck!
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, mr motivator +, writes (21 April 2010):
Be straight with the guy... tell him plain and simple or ask him what he thinks of you and just before he answers the question spill the beans, this will catch him off guard encouraging the truth and also take the pressure away from you
Good luck with a long happy prosperous relationship
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A
female
reader, toniaa +, writes (20 April 2010):
 hi there
my advice for you would be sit him down and tell him that you have feelings for him but just not as a friend more and see what way he reacts back to you when you tell him. if he tells you he dosnt feel the same but still wants to be friends i would take that as you dont want to lose him as a friend but on the other hand if he tells you he feels the same way have a real serious think about it. i know to people who have been friends for years went to school togather everything and now they are both in their 20's they have started a relationship togather this has been gong on now for about 8,9months and they are fine but it wasnt all roses there other friends wernt happy that they are seeing eachother they were scared for their friednship if they ever fall out. but if you know somebody so well as a frined then maybe it could work out but just step back at look at the bigger picture. let me no if this is useful
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): I think you should tell him get this out of your system, but if you have lived with this guy for 2 years and he has not cottoned on to the fact you're obsessed with him then he's either blind or just not in to you. I say get it over and done with come clean but be prepared for the outcome as it could go one of 2 ways. Bear your friend in mind too, could she continue to live with you both if you became a couple?
Good luck
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