A
female
age
30-35,
*rappedme
writes:I am a 19 year old girl and a girl who can never be happy. ..I was a girl who got bullied since I was K2.. all the way until I was 15 years old. I used to be a girl where no one will say hi to me because I look "anti-social".. I was tan,geeky and had alot of pimples. When I was at secondary school,guys always talked to my friend but never me. I was transparent. I used to always asked my friends to help me to tell certain guys I liked them,they will always reject me. My first ex even said "once you're not pretty,you will never be." I am born in Hongkong,my parents are both beautiful people with fair skin. I remembered how I cut my photos because I hated my face,I hated how plump my face look. I looked at my mom's photos.. I wondered "why I don't look like her?" So I tried hard to look like my mom and to lead a life like her.I heard from a girl that skipping ropes will help me to slim down and so I did 1000 every single day with 6 thick jackets and 3 long pants. I was super tired but I know it is worth it. When I got back to visit my relativties,they were shocked how much I changed but my grandmother said "your face is still plump"it hurts but it is true,I can see from it when I take photographs. I thought if I got slimmer,I will be happy but I wasn't.I came across advertistment about facial .. I never did thought I will do it but in e end,I took my bank-book without permission and took out $404 to do facial. After the facial,everyone realised my skin got better. I thought I will be happy but.. the joy only last for awhile . I wasn't happy again.After that day, I kept spending money on beauty products. I even cheated 2 guys' money (over 2000 dollars) to get my beauty products. I am not honest anymore.. my mom said "why is it all about money now?" I ignored them. I hate working sometimes but I strive because I want to buy beauty products..I used to buy collagen very often. Once a month.. I also buy bottles of collagen that will cost alot too. I took pills,herbs.. now I am still taking pills to make myself look better. I used face slimming product (which did worked). I used slimming products and powdered water. I went to the gym. I even consider to bleach my skin when I am already fair. I even consider to go for botox even though I am only 19.. I spent over hundreds and hundreds of dollars on beauty products every month.. now,I still have over 8 boxes of beauty pills that I will consume every day. I thought I will be happy one day. Now,everyone said I look very alike to my mom that they believe we're sisters but..I am not happy.I get compliments often,guys will say hi to me.. but on certain times,just because of one thing.. it will make me feel so afraid.it will made me think "is something wrong with me right now?".Sometimes,I wonder.. why can't I be fully happy? small things affect me easily and made me super worry.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 I'm going to address the specifics first, then the attitude.
"I heard from a girl that skipping ropes will help me to slim down and so I did 1000 every single day with 6 thick jackets and 3 long pants."
Skipping rope is a good workout, but all the extra clothes just make you sweat out water-weight, not real weight. It's unhealthy, will mess up your skin and metabolism, and you'll gain the weight right back as soon as you drink it up. Believe me, I used to cut weight the same way.
"I used to buy collagen very often. Once a month.. I also buy bottles of collagen that will cost alot too. I took pills,herbs.. now I am still taking pills to make myself look better. I used face slimming product (which did worked). I used slimming products and powdered water."
OK, you are going for a buffet-style approach to health and appearance. You don't have a carefully designed, ground-up approach to your body, and all you're going to do is get mixed results and possibly suffer health problems by mixing and matching all the pills and treatments. Stop and speak to a professional about it.
Short term, you might like some of the effects. Long term, you're going to look 50 when you're 30.
I'd suspect you have the sort of body-image issues where what you see and what you actually look like don't quite match up. That is, if you believe you're ugly, you'll always see your body as ugly - but if you believe you're beautiful, you could look at the exact same photo of your body and like it. The reality just doesn't matter to your perception.
It may even extend to your surroundings. You might get the same number of compliments now as before, but you only believe them (or even notice them) now that you believe your treatments are working. It's crazy what our brains can do.
What you need is something to channel your energy into, something you have to work at and can be proud of. A sport (something really high-energy like soccer), a craft (painting, building, writing), a volunteer job (local schools or charities), anything that takes work, focus, and time to do, which has tangible results to make you feel like you've accomplished something. Preferably somethign where you have the opportunity to meet other people, make some friends (or at least acquaintances) and relax, someplace where your appearance doesn't matter so much.
At the same time, when you see something that bothers you which is not immediately life-threatening, pracetice shrugging, saying "meh," and ignoring it. Let that which does not matter slide.
Some professional help with body-image issues might pay off here. With one month's beauty budget, you could afford a few hours. Even if that doesn't work out, a month without beauty products could be the shock you need to start relaxing. Good luck.
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Honey, just so you know - its normal to have a round face when you're young. Its all that baby fat in your cheeks and face which makes you look youthful. As you get into your middle/late 20's you'll notice the fat disappear. However, not without its own issues - your face will look thinner, but without a little fat in your cheeks/face you'll start showing dark circles under your eyes and your face will look more mature. Its almost impossible to have it all. You're probably a very beautiful girl, but just don't see it! Focus on other things in life - school, hobbies, friends and relax alittle about the beautify bit. Work with what you have and be happy you are healthy!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 April 2011):
 You're looking for happiness in all the wrong places. It's good to want to lose a few pounds through diet and exercise, and improves your health; also to want to dress well, and go to the gymn, get a facial, massage or manicure once in a while, also to make sure you use the moisturizers and makeup that is right for your skin type and coloring.
Beyond that, spending thousands of dollars on beauty products is not going to really help. You're only 18 or 20: what will you do when you reach 40 or 50?
No, inner beauty comes from accepting and loving yourself for the woman you are. That comes first, not what others think of you. You have to be your own best friend. What advice would YOU give to a woman friend who came to you with the same concerns ou are asking us about?
You'd do well to start getting involved (if you aren't already) in activities and interests you really enjoy and find worthwhile. Be pleasant and kind to those around you. Smile and say a cheerful "good morning" to the elderly lady sitting next to you on the bus or train. Even if she doesn't reply, she'll probably rememember that someone smiled at her.....you said you cheated 2 men over money. Don't ever do that again! Make up your mind that you will be strictly honest in your dealings with others.....if you are interested in spirituality or philosophy, or religion, then pay attention to what these faiths teach about living one's life.
If you treat people (including yourself!!) with kindness and respect, you'll find they will respond positively, for the most part.........
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (11 April 2011):
 The problem I think you're starting to recognize is that beauty will not make you happy. In a way, beauty is unattainable for every woman because new products and advertisements keep coming out to tell us that we don't have it all, and once we have THIS product, THEN we will be satisfied. It's never true. You can't base your self-worth on cosmetics, and it's a nasty circle because once you start using products, the compliments you get seem fake because it's not really you but the products that are getting the praise, so you keep up the cosmetics, and suddenly the ones you have aren't good enough..it sounds like you could have body dysmorphic disorder, a mental health issue in which one perceives themselves to be ugly, and it becomes an obsession,
see this article:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/body_image/body_image_problem.html
If you can, I would try to see a counselor, or at least talk to your parents or a teacher about the struggles you're experiencing. It is sort of a new mental health issue so I don't know if everyone knows about it, and so they may not be sensitive to your concerns. So you might want to explain the symptoms rather than labeling yourself with the disorder (that's for a psychologist to do anyway), particularly that your spending habits are out of control because you can't stop feeling ugly. Mention the jumping rope with all those coats on, that's definitely not healthy.
I know that's probably not completely helpful. Happiness is a difficult thing to attain, I find, and you just need to figure out what activities, hobbies, people you enjoy enough to keep you feeling like you're worth something.
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