A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:American rapper Mike Jones has a song (censored version) where he says "Back then they didn’t want me, Now I’m hot, they all on me"...I feel like I’m living a similar situation and it’s confusing me as to how to proceed/live (if that makes any sense?) Background: I’m 23 and still a virgin, both sexually and relationship-wise (never been in one). Long story short, I was never a head-turner, more of the ‘overweight, bookworm, nice-guy.’ I was always social in high school and university, but liked to do my own things – never really had a close group of friends, just hung out with whoever, both guys and girls. While social, relationships and what not never really ‘interested’ me and/or never came my way. I mean, sure I had crushes on certain females and did have a dating profile on a website, but I was never the focus of anyone’s eye – and I was fine with that, because school/work was most important in my view. I always figured that later on in life, ‘I’ll meet that special someone and it’ll be great between us, even if that person is the only person I ever have sex with.’I graduated university recently and started working. Given that I didn’t need to spend hours-on-end hitting the books, I started taking better care of my self – began eating better, going to the gym, doing cardio regularly, ultimately losing a lot of fat, putting on some muscle and gaining a better physique (even my face toned up from what was once a round melon head). Now, almost all-of-a-sudden, everyone notices me. Girls who would say I’m just a ‘nice guy’ now have a different look in their eyes. Women on the subways, while going to work, send me glances when before I was just another guy. My online profile gets more hits and messages – even from really attractive females who probably wouldn’t have taken a second look at me before. It’s as if I can ‘pick and choose’ who I want to start a relationship with, while before I was likely to ‘settle’ with someone. My confusion comes from ‘what-to-do’ next. While I still maintain that I’d hold out until I meet that special someone that would work out great and only have sex with that one person, part of me wants to just have sex with as many partners as possible now that it is more possible. I don’t want to be become a quintessential ‘player’, but I feel like I’m missing out from experiencing life – everyone out there seems to have gone through a bunch of relationships (and yes probably a lot of heart ache too) before settling down and having a real, committed, ‘special-someone’ caliber relationship. But before that time, they got to experience fun-filled sex! I don’t know – maybe I’m just venting sexual frustration on the internet, but I’m questioning life a lot more now. Either way I’d like to here from anyone (men, women, young, old) with any advice? P.S. Yes, I’m aware having multiple partners and/or a lot of relationships increases one’s risk to catching an STD, but I don’t intend on sleeping with everyone I meet on the street.
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crush, muscle, std, still a virgin, the internet, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): Many of the same people who tell you "Yes, please wait for that special someone" would say "Oh just get over it" if you come back 6 months from now complaining that your special someone was promiscuous before she met you.
So keep that in mind if you are saving it in hopes that someone else is saving it for you.
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 Find the woman who'd love you fat or thin. Do you really want a partner who is superficial and/or willing to just hook up with every hot guy she sees? Relationships are about QUALITY, not quantity. Sex is best when with someone you love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012): Virgins are kind of like Nice Guys.
Most women like the idea of a male virgin. But most women don't want one enough to sacrifice anything over it. And if he wants a virgin woman, they don't really respect him enough not give him a hard time about it.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 January 2012):
 Dude... you and me. We are buds. My transformation is nearly complete and it was inspired partly well, to gain more attention from women. Im done paying for them, seriously. This was the drastic action I had to take and its f****** paying off. I always had the personality but not looks. My logic said develop looks before personality because that is what seemed to interest most women. Now, seems like youve really taken some serious initiative to grasp your dating life... well done. That is definitely an accomplishment. Youre not some pansy sitting in a dark room listening to smashing pumpkins with decapitated ninja turtle action figures laying in a seaweed fish tank.... youre making changes to your physique which in turn is helping your confidence and that my friend, is irresistible to women. Tease them, be cocky n funny, and show off a bit but dont be arrogant. Youve got some good pieces in line man. I would start dating several women which will help you get more practice in learning womens personalities in order to attract your future mate. Also, if you still hold value to your virginity (which I commend cause I surely lost value out of pure anger n frustration), date, and find the right girl but fool around with the other chicks. Its your morals, Your decision and your life. No one can judge you. Good luck pal.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 January 2012):
 I think you need to figure out what you want. Having many partners doesn't make you "more" of a man.
Maybe you need to look for a girl who shares your views, values and morals and go from there.
Just like a pretty girl don't date/sleep with every guy who looks at them, you don't "have" to either.
If you aren't looking for a relationship right now then why not casual date for a bit before introducing sex into your life, so to speak? Get out there and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (25 January 2012):
 get out there and experience life! get ur flirt on! no woman wants an inexperienced man (both relationship-wise and sex-wise) and the ones who do are just insecure or really prude. congratulations on coming such a long way! continue to be yourself, flirt,date,have fun! ur not immature so you know you will have to use protection. you are still young so give yourself a few years before you settle down. a few casual relationships will help you understand how to deal with issues and become a better husband one day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012): Hmmm.There was this one guy in my highschool, Tim. I thought he was cute and had a great smile. My GFs thought he was a fat, nerdy loser. ( I have a thing for nerds- always have. Nerds rock my nads.)I told them that 'man looketh on the outer appearance, while God looketh on the heart'. They would roll their eyes at me.The Value and Worth of an individual has everything to do with their character and integrity. This is what I liked about Tim-id. (he was crucially shy)I always made it a point to talk to him, chat him up and ask him questions. He eventually wasnn't so shy and realized I did in fact like him for him. We associated with one another through a common friend.Fast forward 4 years. My Gorgeous but shallow GF and I were walking on a busy street of trendy shops by our Citys university.My GF and I saw this incredibly hot guy as he started walking towards us. She was lusting all over this guy. AS he neared, I had the sense I've seen him before. The guy saw me looking at him and he smiled.I yelled "TIMID!" He hugged me bud like. I asked how he was, told him he looked great. Said he seemed more confident. He said I am. I said good stuff. I asked him how he found his newfound dating life? He tossed his head back and laughed. He said it amazed him how losing some weight and getting contacts would all of a sudden matter to so many women. I said yes, unfortunately it does more so to most.He then said, he is actually selective to whom he dates because- he remembered how I was with him. I saw him, appreciated him for him and not so much how he looked. So he made sure he dated a good woman with a kind heart and a sincere smile. He complimented me that he always liked my smile. I told him that is what drew me to him and to befriend him. His smile was always one that was Woo too.He asked if I would like to get a drink to which I said, I cannot, I have to hurry home to my family. I'm married and have a daughter. He said shucks and congratulated me and we shook hands.All the time my GF was shocked that he did not once look her way or say hi to her. I said well, what comes around, goes around. I have more than once told her to treat others kindly and be a friend to others to which she said she is elevated above others because of her looks and does not need to give time to those who do not pay her attention and know their place. Kid you not.As I caution my teens, who have been blessed with beauty, brains, personality and many artistic talents- to ensure they date those Men who are high in character and integrity. That how they are, so they should seek.I can people read pretty darned good and as can they. So they recoginze the insincere, shallow, players, liars, showboats pretty darned fast.I am thinking, even though you are human and may be tempted by the new found 'power' of your outer attractiveness, do not undervalue your inner worth.Your Integrity matters and that is hella hawt. That is your strength, your draw. You will find a woman that matches your inner worth, just be patient. Date women and give them the chance to shine through. You'll know whom to chose. Thats what dating is for and at your age.Make sense?
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