A
male
age
41-50,
*feelzplayed
writes:am i jealous, stupid, controlling, or just kidding myself loving this person? what would you do?I have dated this 30 year old Micronesian for 3 months before we decided to be official.It was nice, I planned a whole day for the to of us and the theme for the day was called " would you be my lady day".From breakfast in bed to dinner at Cheesecake factory!Awesome she said yes!Red flags part:Here is where it gets complicated*!%%@%???That same night on the way home after a latenight movie at the theater, her phone rings while in the car at 2a.m. hour...She nearly missed the call...she states hello...hello..then hangs up the phone and puts it back in her purse...The phone rings like again less than two minutes...She picks up the phone and just hangs up again...Out of curiosity.. I asked who is it calling?She states " my Auntie ...I said why don't you talk to her..she said she keeps hanging up..So I said don't you think you should call her back there maybe something wrong....The phone rang again ...so I quickly took it out her hand and pressed the speakerphone so that it could pick up...we are parked in the car by this time...My lady didn't say anything...after silence for like 15 seconds the party that was calling spoke up and said her name and it was a guy. Asking her do you still love me? I muted the phone and told her to ask him if he wants her to come over tonight? She did...he replied come over your in a different state.....dada dada yadda yadda yah...okay so I worked through that situation and gave it the benefit of doubt....I let it go she tried lying but it didn't work. He was a ex of hers....whatever....moving on....Red flag 2Another guy called her phone while we were together at home ...no details here...other than me getting into a chess much with some guy a couple thousand miles away who she known for two weeks and slept with...and after me taking up and fighting for her he just told me its okay she's ran thru already she's nothing but a 5 dollar drunk fat bytch....whatever....I moved on...Red flag 3I snooped...yes I snooped....while she was sleep I ramshacked her phone and found pictures that she sent to this other guy that she works with during the hours I was at work....what a lady huh..!!Whatever easy fix told her quit your job I pay all the bills now ...smart huh! Well she did and things got a little better...I am now taking care of her and her son and special little perks for her family...There's no way that she would even think about another guy right?...lol ...I'm stupid for that one....Red flag 4I had to take a family emergency trip for my nephew surgery appointment...paid rent , food, and left extra cash for her and her son so they can do something nice together...while out of state on the phone with her 3 a.m. her time middle of me talking to her she just got quiet....dead silence...she's not sleep nor did she fall asleep....wtf...I chose not to talk to her all the next day and night....still to this day she would say I just didn't know what to say .....lol...shaking my head...the conversation led to me asking her what did you use to do in your player days? As in I was sharing my past with her....Red flag # (so many )Facebook ....she sent me a message on Facebook it came to my phone while I was getting business card templates picked out for myself...I check the message...awww how sweet she misses me and just dropped in to say hi....!!!!! Cool so I go to her page to drop a quick message and notice that our pictures together we had tagged were gone ???? Weird.....well what you guys don't know is that when I snooped her phone I retrieved her password to Facebook....well here's my curiosity again going to work .. I checked her inbox and as I checked her inbox she's messaging some other guy ...stating that she is single with three kids and asked for his telephone # so she can call him....what a lady huh? Well I contacted the guys lady and sent her the thread...turns out the guy she was flirting with turned out to be her Auntie husbands nephew....so that makes them related thru marriage...well I had the girl talk to my wonderful lady and she got her message through to her...and the girl allowed me to contact her man and I got my message through to him....let's say we put that shyt to a end very quick.....My biggest red flag:She had to leave for church song practice at a neighbor house who goes to the same church ....everyone in her family went also..." We all live together" they arrived from practice before she did...she came back just a little while after them ...about an half hour....well without the details.....as I take off her panties I noticed they were overly wet.....hmmmm okay ....well her hair was very wet also....and not to mention she was draining fluids....now don't get me wrong guys and women out there...someone please wake me the hell up I don't want to think it but I think I know but someone please elaborate for me ...make this one make sense....a couple kisses and foreplay did or did not make this possiable did it? She's never been that wet before even on her most excited times...o looked dead at that vagina and just ignored it....she said that it was because she just came off her period a day ago??? This one is for the women with integrity out there ....what's the true insight with this one...???? Am I blind to what's right in front of me? What would you women think or do if your man hair was unusually wet not moist wet? Please honest replies please.....I'm not one who gives up easily..because in the end I will be able to feel as I done my all....and that's the integrity in me ..I know how to commit ... What do I do? What do I believe....? I have hope , faith , drive, but what I think I lack is being a a hole. Am I being played? Next month will be our 7th month officially together. I only known her for 3 months beforehand. Thank you for you time heart and input. Please be very firm no beating around the bush...all straightforward Thankyou....and godbless.
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at work, drunk, facebook, flirt, foreplay, jealous, period, player, shy, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 January 2012):
 Why on Earth are you still with her? And WHY would you "make" her quit her job? So she is more dependent on you? That doesn't make her more faithful.
I think she isn't really interested in a relationship and I think you are an overbearing and controlling person.
I don't see this last for either of you.
A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (25 January 2012):
 Far too much going on here for you. It's time to walk away. She does not appear to be single or dating you exclusively.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (25 January 2012):
 you are being played. right now u dont want to admit it to urself but you my dear ARE GETTING PLAYED. shes looking for someone to maintain her current lifestyle. thats all. and while shes doing that, shes looking for more sex/cash. kick her out POLITELY...dont get into a fight with her. next time u find a girl dont let her quit her job so soon. jeez.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2012):
 IF I had a guy that told me to quit my job and he would pay for me and my child to live with him and he continually looked the other way as I played him... I'd do it too... human nature.
KICK HER OUT!
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (25 January 2012):
 i think you have answered your own questions , she sounds, and seems like the type of woman that you can not bank your future on. back in the first 3 red flags was enough for me. its a relationship built on no trust , she is playing, and can you really trust her? is this a relationship to build the future on? getting calls from men at 2:00 a.m.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (25 January 2012):
 Considering there are 6 'Red Flag moments' in 7 months, I suggest you call it quits.
Why let her carry on treating you like a fool. She'll find some other guy to manipulate...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 January 2012):
 This union should have ended before you got to Red Flag #2.
'stating that she is single with three kids and asked for his telephone # so she can call him'...If there was any doubt before it, this alone should have sent you packing.
You have more than enough red flags to call it quits. Nevermind snooping through her phone or Facebook account, contacting suspicious men and fighting for her. Just walk away gracefully.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012): Hi,It's too much stress and too much drama for a 7 months relationship on both parts. You made the mistake to move in and tell her to stop working, paying all the bills and supporting her financially. I just think that you both are moving too fast in this relationship, but hey who am I to say anything. You choose how to live your life with whomever you want. She's wrong for not being honest with you talking to different guys and you are wrong for invading her privacy and checking her constantly. Why live this way? Playing mind games? Checking up on her constantly, you interrogating her, being sneaky while shes sleeping... Exhausting... You are constantly having these negative thoughts, shes probably in constant fear... Just sit and talk with her and explain what's bothering you, ask all questions you have and tell her what you want to be done from her part in order to make this relationship work. Wish you both luck and hope you can work things out. Good luck
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