A
male
age
30-35,
*rax
writes:Basically what I want to know, is whether or not my girlfriend is cheating on me.After a bad break-up my fiancee and I got back together, against many friend's wishes..But lately she is texting ALL the time when she's with me, it's either with her friend "Sue" or a guy she works with "John". After she and I had started talking again, we didn't want to put anything official on us (dating/engaged) but we had talked about it and decided to remain monogamous. This is about when the doubts started...She HATED when I would show up at her work unannounced trying to do anything sweet (bring her food, flowers, or just saying hi and I love you). On top of all that after this guy had threatened me and her knowing that him and I had never gotten along, she put off coming over to my house until about 3am one morning and had stopped texting me and wasn't answering my calls, assuming she had fallen asleep I jumped in my car and headed over to her place because we had plans. Lo and behold as soon as I get out of the car she and a few of her miscellaneous female friends were stepping out of the house with her and John close behind. As soon as she saw me she gave me this look like she hated me. He and I immediately got in a fist fight and I left. She then got mad at me for showing up unannounced yet again. Tonight she went to the movies with Sue, she was telling me earlier how work was screwed because only a few select people were working (John was off as well). She left my house at around 5:45pm and was texting me until around 8 (when the movie started). Once she got back to my house she talked to me for a little bit and went almost immediately to sleep. For some reason I found myself going through her phone and found out she and John had been playing "phone tag" for about an hour, from 6:30-7:30 occasionally talking for 30 seconds to 2 minutes. It made me extremely uncomfortable, and upon looking at other sites, I found out that when the sex stops it's a big sign, along with constant nagging. She has been very irritable towards me for a while now, and I consider myself lucky if I have sex more than once a month. I'm scared because I'm tired of her hurting me, and I don't want to catch something this other guy may have... So the big question here is what should I do? You guys have always given me excellent advice.
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fiance, flowers, got back together, I love you, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, helda +, writes (20 September 2011):
funny thing,my guy john, i think he maybe cheating on me with achick named
sue, and that they possible work together.ummm?
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Dump her...it will get no better...and yes she is cheating on you...trust your gut...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Why exactly are you with her?
She doesn't want to spend time with you.
Hates when you come unannounced to her work, doesnt like it when you tell her I love you etc etc. This is not a loving relationship, not when one side is constantly giving and getting little back in return.
I do agree, if you're not going to end it then you need to back off a bit, stop checking her phones, showing up at work etc.
At the same time if your girlfriend is not going to commit to this relationship and stop this nonsense with John, who is not a "friend" but someone who probably likes her and she's getting off on the attention, since it's also seeming to drive you crazy.
Either you two sit down and work it out or just split, no use in aggravating each other.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (4 June 2011):
Since you have been already hurt in the past, I guess you are giving her a second chance. Well, enough is enough. Dump her now and stop wasting your life with her. She is acting just as if she had an affair with this John. But even if she doesn't have it, she is disrespecting you.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (4 June 2011):
 I m sorry. Your friends were right. I don't see the situation getting any better.
I can't really give you proper advice on this because I don't know you or her at all.
But your friends care about you and know what's best for you as they acctualy know YOU.
Eventho she might not be cheating on you , do you really want to be in this kind of a relationship with a girl like her?
I can see that you love her and care about her and all this is making you biased. You can't really see her negative side but your friends can so i think you should listen to them.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (4 June 2011):
There is something fishy between her and John.In fact she is using both of you and I mean you and johnfor her own advantage.Bbreak up with her my friend and find some one who deserves your attention.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 Well, I understand why you might suspect that she is cheating, but I don't think you should voice your accusations because really you have no solid proof.
In all honesty, I think that this John character is just a friend of your gf.
A relationship is always fragile just after getting together after a break-up. Things usually remain fragile for a while. The person who did the dumping always wonders if taking the person back was really the right decision after all while the person who was dumped worries they're going to get dumped again a month down the line and whether they can really take the pain. Things always remain this way for at least a few months. Believe it or not, but if you want a relationship to work its during the hard times that you've got to place the most trust in your relationship.
I think your gf is just turning to friends because she's feeling the strain of this relationship and that's just what girls do when things go wrong. They turn to fellow friends. As for John, I think he's just a friend. But perhaps there's some potential for something more, but I really don't think any thing would happen unless you and her finished.
The key here is that you don't push her away so that she runs into his arms.
You've got to turn a blind eye here. If it turns out anything is happening between the two of them, you will doubtless find out eventually, but if you want things to work with your gf, you've got to prove to her that getting back together was the right choice. Show her how good a boyfriend you can be. That means no fist fights or disagreements with this John guy, or showing up unannounced no matter how noble your intentions may be (it just makes it look like you're watching her to see what she's up to - suffocating). Don't comment on her texting habits on your dates (even though its very rude). And just be there for her.
You sense things aren't going right in your relationship right now. After a couple of weeks of being the super nice boyfriend, if things haven't changed at all in her end then you should sit down with her and talk it out. Ask her calmly and in a concerned tone if anything is bothering her or if she thinks anything about the relationship is not making her happy. Never get angry at what she says, no matter what. It takes two people to mess up a relationship, remember. If she has criticisms of your behaviour then you should just take it calmly and maturely. Do the same for her, if you're still experiencing problems at this point. But just DO NOT accuse her of anything you don't have solid proof of. If you accuse her of sleeping with John without seeing it in front of your eyes you'll probably just sound jealous and insane.
Good luck to you.
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