| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Warning: it's kind of a long story/soap opera..... I have this ex boyfriend. He's Jamaican...like, he was born and grew up in Jamaica, and he's older than me, two things that made my mother very suspicious and disapproving of our friendship alone; she never even knew that we were more than friends (our family is white/of Celtic descent and kind of conservative). We dated a few years ago. It was a long distance relationship but we were really in love. We never had sex because it was hard enough for me to go visit him in the next town without my mom catching on, let alone spend the night; also we both wanted to wait until we could see each other without having to sneak around.But eventually the distance started to get to us, and the guilty feeling of sneaking around, and I couldn't get my mom's voice out of my head (she has a way of doing that), so we ended it. It was really hard and awkward and neither of us were too happy about it. I was inconsolable for weeks. Then I didn't see him for about two years, during which I did my best to put him out of my mind and move on with my life. I dated other people---a guy who cheated on me, a guy who ignored me and a guy who was kind of a mess---until I met my current boyfriend, who is awesome. He's kind and caring and attractive, we're into the same things, and my mom doesn't hate him. Things are going pretty well except for that a few weeks ago I ran into my ex while I was in town. We talked a bit, and he told me that breaking up was a mistake and that he still loves me. I still love him too, and I told him that, but I also told him truthfully that I was seeing someone and I couldn't be with him right now. He was very sad, he gave me his new number (he had moved since i had seen him last) and told me to call him if I changed my mind. I kept his number. I haven't called him because, duh, I have a boyfriend with whom I am very happy.....but I keep thinking about my ex. I still think the circumstances that caused our breakup were stupid and ignorant and uncalled for. I realize that I've never felt as intensely about anyone as I did about him. I wanted to marry him. At the time I really thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him, come what may. I guess I was kind of naive, but he was a really important part of my life. When I think about him now some of that feeling comes back, but mostly just sadness because of all that happened between us and how painful it was to lose him. I realize that I can't have the good memories without the bad. I still love him, but just seeing him now makes me think of all the things that are completely f*cked up about the world. I miss him like crazy, and sometimes I'm really tempted to call, but just thinking about him makes me want to cry. There's also a fear of something when I think about going back, but I'm not quite sure what. It's like I've built my life over the last two years on the assumption that it never would have worked between us, and now that there's the possibility of a second chance, I don't know what to do with it. I could easily just never call, and carry on with my life with my current boyfriend, but he'd always be there as baggage, the skeleton in my closet. Please give me some advice as to what to do, I'm really torn.
View related questions:
cheated on me, long distance, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 HI
The way I see it is you love this guy still right? Then dont let what your family think about being with a black guy ruin your chances of real happiness. Your an adult now, and to be blunt your family aren't going to be here for ever, where as your love him will be. If you were truely happy with the guy your with now you wouldn't be questioning your thoughts!! Life is for living, and if your believe this ex still feels the same way, then you need to sit down with you parents and tell them that they will have to either except that you want to be part of his life, or risk loosing contact with you. Because you are an adult who is capable of making her own destiny in life. You love them very much, but you also love your ex. OR you throw away the number, and put it in your past and continue to be with the guy you have been with who also obviously loves you. I still think about my first love, and I remember the happy times, but I wouldn't change thing for the world now, because some things are just not meant to be. xx
|
