A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Evening everyone.I come from a large Italian family and Im due to marry my fiance who is also Italian in October.My problem is that im not sure I want children. I have discussed this with my fiance and he is convinced that in a few years I will change my mind.I however am not so sure. Im 25 and I dont hate children but im not a big fan of them either and I've never been broody. I'd rather have pets.My family constantly give me guilt trips saying that I will regret not having children and that my fiance will be a great dad..etc...Im worried that if in a few years I still dont want any, then what? Will my marriage be doomed? Will I regret not having any? Please dont say to talk to my Fiance as I have asked him this and he says not to worry and everything will be ok.I need some outside advice.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): Let your emotions guide you. You don't want kids now - you may change your mind someday, you may not. Some people want kids and some people just don't. No one says you have to have them.
Ignore anyone who tells you that you will change your mind, that there's something wrong with you, that you're being selfish, or any of the other casually hurtful things people say when they can't accept someone else's life choice. Commend yourself. You have been honest with your fiance. But I wonder if you have been clear enough. He may be blinded by social stereotypes that tell him that every woman (secretly) wants a baby. He may think you're going through a 'difficult' or 'independent' phase. Make sure you have a clear discussion with him, and make sure - now - that he understands you. If he can't take you as you are, he doesn't deserve a woman who knows her own mind. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Jennine +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hi there, I think you should go with your feeling. I do not want children and I never did. You cannot have them, just because you could regret it one day if you don't. Because what happens, if you become a mother and do not like it? It's the children that suffer. I actually know quite a few women who love their children very much, but if they would be given the choice they would not do it again. But they would never admit it in public. In the end you never know, where live leads you. Even if you both want children, get married and have them, there is no guarantee that your relationship lasts forever. Just be honest. You do not have to talk to your partner about it all the time. Just be open about your feelings and see what happens.
http://no-children-wanted.blogspot.com/
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Hi sweet,
Everyone else had said it - things change in time, but it's also not a crime to not want kids. Some people don't and that's totally okay, your own choice and normal.
The only thing I wanted to add in (though you specifically said not to say anything, for which I am incredibly sorry) - if you are nearly positive you don't want children, I would talk to your fiance, because in the case that he absolutely does need children... well, this may be something you want to work out before you walk down the aisle. You don't want to go through life both yearning for different things and kids are an ENORMOUS thing. If you end up never wanting kids and he spends his life just dying for them - well, someone is going to end up unhappy.
But, I guess if you make it super clear that you may never want children and he's okay with that then WELL DONE.
Okay, sweet. Sorry for doing exactly what you said not to. (Sorry, sorry, sorry!!!)
xx India
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (15 June 2008):
 I think you're sensible! hehe no seriously though, i know a few people that haven't had children, and never will, and they are happy as larry!
Your family probably isn't wrong. Ive also known people that didn't plan on having them, yet did, and love being parents!
My daughter has said numerous times that she doesn't want children. Ok, she is only 11, so might well change her mind yet~! But there is no law that says we all have to have children! You do what you want to do.
C xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): My wife is not sure, but she doesn't remember ever wanting to have children. She knows that she never did after her divorce at the age of 30. I never really wanted kids either. We are in our early 60s now and have never had any regrets so far. Perhaps that will change in another 10 or 15 years. These days, the children do not live in the same area like they did many years ago. They move hundreds or thousands of miles away. The parents only get to see them a couple of times a year. We know many friends where that is the case. Then there are the children who almost never go to see their parents, even if they live in the same town. Of course, there are also the many families who are very close until death.
You will only know if you made a mistake that you didn't have kids after you are old. It will then be too late. The only thing that I can recommend is to not allow friends and relatives pressure you to have kids. That is entirely between you and your husband. Don't allow others to make that very important decision for you.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 I think old age could be very lonely without kids. I've heard many people say they are aunts and uncles and they know what the joy of being around kids is like. I have to say, as a parent, there is nothing like parenthood.
It sounds corny but I can honestly say I would die for my kids without a moments thought. It is a love like no other. My kids and my spouse are the most important thing in my world.
People can go through life without kids and be happy. You must remember though that parents have tried both roles and most will tell you there is nothing like looking at your child and feeling the love.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Who knows what the future will bring. I still think you should marry him as long as he knows how you feel at the moment. It may come to a point where one of you wants different things but that can happen in any marriage.
I didnt have a particular urge to have children and when people said 'Youre next' after sisters and sister in laws had babies I always said 'Yuk no thanks'. I didnt really like kids, in fact in general I still dont and I either like a certain child or I dont there is no middle ground for me but they all seem to like me and I would never let a child know how I felt!!
When I fell pregnant with my first by accident despite birth control I was initally devastated and my husband (now ex) was shocked but by the time I had my first scan I was in love with my tiny bump and adored her when she was born and actually got pregnant on purpose with my second when she was ony 10 months old.
Fast forward to my 30's, divorced and enjoying myself I said no way would I have another if I met someone who wanted kids. Then I fell in love with my soulmate who had no children and we had a beautiful little boy together 3 and half years ago, never saw that coming!
So dont dwell on it now, live your life how you want to at the moment and just wait and see what life throws at you x
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (14 June 2008):
I think that you have made up your mind. As far as your fiance you have told him you dont want kids. He knows what he is getting into and it is his fault if he ends up unhappy. You haven't lied to marry him. Dont have kids if you dont want them!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 June 2008):
 you're only young - lots of women aren't very broody at your age. when you hit 30, trust me, you will most likely go very broody overnight! i have so many friends who did that - who said they really didn't want children, etc - and then suddenly - whoops! and now they all have at least 3 ...
your life will change as you grow with your husband, and i think you will end up having children. and you know what? if you just HAVE one, then there's no doubt you will adore him or her - a whole part of yourself is waiting to be explored - that part of you that is a mother. we all have it in us. we become more fully ourselves when we become parents. i think you should just get pregnant, even if you aren't sure you want it, because when you have your baby in your arms, you will be a different person. ; )
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