A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex were together for three and a half years. I love him more than anything in the world and would do anything to get him back. Our relationship was not perfect especially in the last month or two but we were really happy before that. Now we have been broken up for a month as of yesterday. I have done everything wrong in the first couple of days however now I am trying to do what is right and get him back. So let me tell you my story and hopefully you can give me some insight on what to do now. ( I am apologizing now because I tend to jump around a lot, you know typing whatever pops into my head when it pops into my head.)He broke up with me because he cheated and is now in a relationship with her. This makes me very nervous because I feel like I really have lost him. I have read in several places that 90% of rebounds don't last, but he is putting things on his facebook like had the best weekend with Cassy that I have had in four years. Ok this is starting at the end, let me start at the beginning.We were happy for I would say truly the first three years. It was probably the last six months that things started to go down hill. I love him because of who he is and who he wants to be. I was not the perfect girlfriend in the world and I know that now. I let the little things bother me so much and turn into big things and I know that that drove him nuts. So now to the breakup, like I said he broke up with me a month ago yesterday. He said we were two different people and that we just were fighting all the time and we had grown too far apart. He said that he will never get back together with me and that he just wants to be friends and nothing more. Here is why I don't believe him. Since we have broken up I have tried to delete him from facebook three different times. Everytime I do he calls me or texts me and wants to see me and talk to me or see me, you get the picture. The time before last that I deleted him he found out I was going on a date. That day he texted me and called and texted and called so much that I finally had to answer him. (Now before this it had been about a week and a half of no contact at all.) When I answered he said that he missed me and that he had hoped we would have gotten a second chance but I had blown that because I had told a friend that we were going to try and work things out and she had told his girlfriend. So there went that chance. I told him that it didn't have to be like that and at this point in time I was not in the right place to take him back. ( I know the wrong thing to say right?) Anyway he wanted to meet me for lunch the next day and I agreed. At lunch he wanted to know all about my date and how I was doing. I told him that it really was none of his business and I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about it. He spent the next two days (including after lunch) texting me and talking like nothing had ever happened. He told me that I needed to be forcefull in order to get what I wanted in life. I asked him to do the same and he said when he wanted to he would. (Not really sure what that meant so if you could give me some insight) I told him that I know he was going to be busy but that I would appreciate anytime that he could make for us to hang out. He said that he could do that. He asked me to add him back as a friend on facebook and being that things were going so well I said yes. The next day he put that he was officially in a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with and I got upset and reacted irrationally. The next day I called and apologized for my behavior and said that maybe we needed some time apart. He again told me that we would never be more than friends and that I was being annoying. I deleted him again from facebook. The following day he texted me saying you deleted me again huh, and asked me if we could ever be friends or if our relationship was too much of a barrier. I didn't answer him. A couple hours later he texted me again asking why I was ignoring him and apologizing for telling me I was annoying because I didn't deserve that. I still didn't answer him. He then called me while I was in class and left me a voicemail saying that he wanted to see me, he missed me and he was no longer going out of town but wanted me to go to dinner with him the following night. Being in a good place at the time I called him back and explained that I had been really busy that day and was sorry that I had not answered him before. I told him that dinner would be fine so we decided to meet the following day. Now when I went to dinner I looked HOT!!! I had just gotten my hair and nails done, I went tanning and I have lost about 12 pounds since he had last really seen me. His body language was screaming I want you!!! It felt like we had the spark back he asked me to hang out with him on Sunday and I said yes.Now here is where I blew it. At dinner I kept things light but told him that I would like to take him out for his birthday which I knew was over a month away. I also went back to his house after dinner. I know big mistake. When we got back to his house he kissed me and told me that there were things he missed about us. We also ended up having sex. I know big mistake!! It didn't feel like we were just friends and then we started getting back into an old habit of just sitting on the couch watching tv and not talking and him playing on his cell phone ( I know he was texting her). While we were at his house he asked me about Sunday again. He said that he wanted to know that if I thought and entire day was too much. I told him that I did but that if he wanted to hang out for a couple of hours that would be ok. I told him that I also thought he was a little confused on what he wanted and that maybe he should take some time and figure out what he wants. He said that what if what he decides is something that I wouldn't like and I told him that I would be ok with that, but in my heart I know that he is my soul mate!! He also gave me that smile like, I'm just kidding you know I want you. He gave me a kiss goodnight and said that he would let me know about Sunday. He said that if I didn't see him on Sunday it was no big deal because he wasn't going anywhere. (Can anyone tell me what that means?0 Needless to say I have heard nothing from him since. Now we are friends again on facebook because I want him to think that I can handle it. Anything that he says about things he is doing with her or this is the best weekend in four years, or the best pre-start back to a semester weekend ever. I am not reacting to because I know he is moving on. Now I did not call after our second "first" date I have waited a week and called him two nights, I was hoping to get a voicemail but he answered instead. I told him that I wanted to thank him in person and that something really great happened and I would like to take him for coffee sometime just as friends. He said ok and because he was sleeping when I called I told him that I would let him go, but that I hoped I would hear from him soon about getting together for coffee. He texted me yesterday and wanted to know what really great thing happened to me this weekend and that he has some work he has to do but will let me know when he gets done with it if he could meet me or not. I never heard anything back. I called him again to make sure everything was ok (I know another mistake). He was sleeping again and said he was sorry he didn't call and wanted to know what it was that I wanted to talk to him about. I told him that it wasn't something I wanted to do over the phone and that I would like to meet him in person, whenever he was available. He said that he would let me know.So here are my questions...is my relationship beyond salvageable? Is he in love with her and they are the 10% instead of the 90% that wont last? What do I do now, wait for him to call or call him again? I feel like he is sending me mixed signals and that he still has some feelings for me. Please help me and tell me what do I do now. How do I get him to call me to go out with me? How do I make him come back and leave her? I really need some help here.P.S. I am not a facebook stalker. I am not sure if you are familiar with facebook or not but the only way I see his status is when it comes up on my home page. You know the page that is shown when you first log in with everyone of your friends statuses and updates. Just wanted to make that clear.
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broke up, cheated on me, facebook, get back together, my ex, soulmate, spark, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so you all are saying that he is still keeping me on the side but I still have not heard anything from him in over a week. (Except for when he told me to have fun on my Facebook page this weekend.) Which makes me even more confused. I know that he is busy and all but does that mean that everything he said to me the past month and last week was a lie?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I'm willing to bet she doesn't know that you have had sex since he got together with you. I think that you need to stop talking to him, cut him off completely and let him go. Otherwise you are just enabling him to continue having a relationship with one girl while keeping a second girl on the side.
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A
female
reader, Katiekins86  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Your situation is VERY similar to mine. we split up four months ago, i would stop sleeping with your ex for a start. Although i slipped up and kissed my ex (he cheated on me then started going out with that girl) i refused to sleep with him. Like yours, he ignored me but as soon as he saw me looking good, or heard that i was doing something interesting, he sniffed around. I know for a FACT that if i had slept with him, he probably would have continued quite nicely with his new gf (she lives a while away) and me at home. Men like this suddenly realise hey, why be a nice guy - she still wants me and i can be a complete dick.
Last week, out of the blue, he said he was sorry, he wanted me, dump her etc etc. You know what, since then, he's made hardly any effort. It's because they know they don't have to. I just posted a question myself (anonymously annoyingly) as i'm about to go round there, I want him so much yet like your bloke he's treated me disgustingly.
I do think your relationship is salvagable, but it takes time. Cut him off, i know its hard, but at the moment he's got everything he wants. I know its easier said then done - we are back together and I'm the only one making effort!!! it sucks. Give him a chance, but remember if he loved you he wouldn't string you along ( i know that's rich coming from me). Hope it works out. xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJamielea,
I would like to give it another go...but how do I get him to do that?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
He has got what he wanted. He has a girlfriend for all the home comforts, and he has you wound around his finger for sex if he wants it. And you will continue to allow him to use you and abuse you unless you make a serious decision to end all contact permanently. He is using you. He cheated on you with her, now he's cheating on her with you because you allow it. I know you love him, but you have got to be strong, because if you arne't, you won't have anyone in your life ever. You will just be a booty call to a cheating guy. You must realize you're better than that. He won't come back, unless he wants sex or a bed for the night until he can cheat again. He has treated you like shit. HE cheated. HE then blamed you and suggested you had blown a second chance. WHAT second chance? Cut all contact. Delete his number, delete him from facebook, tell him to get the hell out of your life because he is using you.
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A
female
reader, jamielea kellow +, writes (19 January 2010):
 hi i would just say that you should give it another go with him!! and if it doesn't work out then that means you just can't be together.
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