A
female
age
30-35,
*utiepiesensei
writes:I can't orgasm from oral sex! Only from masturbating can i do it. When my boyfriend uses his hands down there it feels good, I just think I haven't had an orgasm from that because I'm too nervous (performance anxiety) about NOT having an orgasm. So I know I need to relax with that and eventually I have faith he will make me orgasm that way. The problem is, I don't like oral that much. It's ok I guess, but it just feels like he's licking down there; no special feeling. Honestly, I only let him do it because he likes it and I just think he looks hot down there. But is something wrong with me? I hear all these females talk about how amazing oral is and how it's almost a sure way to orgasm and all that but I never feel close to that? :( The actual penetrative sex however is really really good. But I just wish I could orgasm from oral. What's wrong and what can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): You are still very young and if you do not feel much from it, that is ok. Just let him enjoy it a bit if he truly likes the experience.
I really like penetration for how it feels and what it symbolizes for me though I never orgasm that way. I am at a peace about that and greatly enjoy intercourse and my man knows I love him to connect to me that way.
I am only able to have an orgasm by clitoral stimulation such as oral sex too. I am still working thru how I feel about it. My man and I are still learning each other sexually... and I am still shy to look down upon him giving me oral. Neither of us are spring chickens (both 50+ yr old) but when you are new to someone it's still a bit awkward to let go. It took him a while to fully let go when I give him oral.
He's into concept of pleasing me and gives oral willingly, but I'm still nervous sometimes. He likes to put my legs up in the air while giving it. I like this but I'd prefer to have them down for traction upon the bed, but that's not possible with my legs off the bed ala me pulled down to the beds edge with him on his knees off the bed (so he can really 'get at at' as he says).
Sometimes he lays upon the bed and I can rest my feet/ legs down. But that's hard on his back and neck... Thinking he'd be uncomfortable would distract me so we just do the other. In the process of getting a new bed so things should work out. It's just crazy to work it out, so don't beat yourself.
I am mainly glad he is willing as am I to give him oral. We're still working out the logistics.
Sometimes I just don't come and we've agreed that is OK. I just take the pleasure of it as part of foreplay. We had to get to that understanding as we grow closer to each other intimately as I was starting to get anxious to HAVE TO COME and that is not good.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Indeed everyone woman is different. I do not orgasm from penetration yet it is very good, affirming and sensual for what it is. I do orgasm from oral sex but it is hard for me. Before my current relationship I only had a man give me oral as a small gesture. Now my man want to do it with purpose - to make me come which he enjoys. He loves to eat and suck me and I've had to learn to relax in, and into the experience. And to truly be engaged instead of feeling outside of the experience which hinder my 'letting go' to full orgasm. It takes time. I like the licking and the sucking and knowing he truly enjoys it, fully which is helping me turn on more as we get to know each other. It will get better or if you just do not orgasm this way it can still be just a wonderful part of lovemaking, just as kissing and licking and caressing other parts of the body is.
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A
male
reader, chrisidorf  +, writes (7 March 2011):
Chigirl, not all women enjoy oral and not all even care about oral. So there's nothing wrong with either the guy or the girl.
Sex orgasm is even more important to me.
Enjoy...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): My ex never came from oral or any manual stimulation, only penetration. My current GF is the total opposite...only oral gets her off. So no, you're not weird. Most women don't come from every form of stimulation. I've only known one, and I think she's come from riding a bicycle. But orgasms are mostly mental, and I suppose if you'd relax, it'd be a lot better. At least women dont get E.D. if they have anxiety. So just roll with it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 I know! Maybe you should try him giving you a massage first, to help you relax, and put on some nice music that you enjoy? Maybe it'd help if he gave you compliments, or talked you through it, constanlty giving you feedback on how much he enjoys this or that with you? Have you told him how you feel, and how you are unable to relax? Have you told him what thoughts run through your mind when he goes down on you, and the things you are afraid of? If he knew then maybe he'd know how to make you relax.
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A
female
reader, cutiepiesensei +, writes (6 March 2011):
cutiepiesensei is verified as being by the original poster of the questionaggh! It's just so hard not to be nervous! But i'll try....
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A
female
reader, yomama65 +, writes (4 March 2011):
 No, you are not weird. Remember, the most important sexual organ is the BRAIN and if you are nervous, worried, self-conscious or just unable to relax, it will not feel as good!I remember the first time someone did that with me I could not stop laughing because it tickled like crazy! I think I ended up kicking the dude in the head! You need to let him know what feels good and don't be afraid to show pleasure by making sounds and encouraging him when he does something you like. Sometimes it just takes awhile for these things to happen. Be patient with yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 March 2011):
Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't know how to give oral. If it feels like just licking, the mostly likely that's what he's doing, just licking. Giving oral is a bit more complicated than just giving a few licks. Talk to your boyfriend about him trying different things down there, and once you feel something a bit better let him know that it was good, either by directly telling him "that felt good" or moan.
Most probable reason you're not coming from oral yet is because your boyfriend needs more time to get to know your body and what makes you feel good, and you need more time to relax, and find the pleasure in what he does. Some women have it easy, for others it's more difficult. Have you ever had an orgasm when he's looking, or have one while he's touching you and interacting with you? Getting used to just having him around while having an orgasm can be difficult enough in itself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Yeah. All women get mind blowing orgasms from oral sex, all genitalia are shaven, and all males have 9 inches d...s
like in porn movies. LOL !
Honey, relax - there is nothing mandatory in sex , everybody is different and you are entitled to your own preferences and reactions. As long as in general you enjoy sex, and have no physical or psychological blocks to orgasm, you don't have to tick all the sexual boxes.
For some women, oral just does not do it- no big deal.
Honest Answer though has a very good point,- it may be a problem of technique, some guys really DO need directions , and very precise ones too. Otherwise it's like having a close encounter with an affectionate yet clumsy Saint Bernard dog :). So have a little fun experimenting different speeds or pressure etc... but if still it's not your thing, don't worry, it's OK.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (4 March 2011):
 It is always easier to please ones self than to be pleased. The reasons can be numerous.
1. When you touch yourself, you know exactly what you need for ultimate pleasure. Maybe a little firmer, maybe a little faster, or maybe a little to the left.
2. When you touch yourself, you are probably more relaxed.
I suggest you guide him to your next orgasm. Don't assume he knows what he is doing. Take the reins and show him exactly what you want/need. Oral commands. Ex: Maybe a little firmer, maybe a little faster, or maybe a little to the left.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, DancePants55  +, writes (4 March 2011):
He probably just isn't good at doing it, or hitting the right *spots*.
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