A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK - how to put this delicately...! I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and in many ways we do have a satisfying sex life - from my point of view at least, and he seems to enjoy it to.The thing I worry about is that no matter what I do, I can't seem to bring him to the point of ejaculation. He always has to withdraw from sex and "finish himself off" (and that often takes a long time). It doesn't seem to matter what I do he still can't come whilst inside me. I did once - one solitary occasion - manage to make him come via a blow job when he had already started the process off himself, and he commented "that's never happened before". I've given oral stimulation since then, but nothing happened.I've never had this experience with the other men I've had sex with, so I don't THINK I'm doing anything wrong. I feel like I ought to ask him about it, and whether he's alway been this way but a)if the answer is yes, it might make him feel inadequate or self-concious and I don't want that and b) if the answer's no, and he's always been fine with other women, that will make ME feel inadequate!Are some men just not able to ejaculate other than through masturbation? Is there something I can do to help? Does it matter?Answers from guys and girls are welcome!!
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female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I don't think you'll be doing anything wrong it might just be him. I would advice trying teasing him though if you want to build up sensations that could bring him to orgasm.
A
female
reader, JessicaR85  +, writes (8 November 2010):
Try this next time, it works for me ;)
1. First you need to get him turned on - be more aggressive, grab his stuff, slowly massage his balls through his pants, it's important that you act as seductive as possible - the more you're turned on - the more he'll be turned on. Pull his pants down slowly and act as naughty as possible - this is a great turn on.
2. Grab his hand and lick on his fingers slowly before you give him head - just put his middle finger slowly into your mouth and suck on it, up and down, slide it slowly and moan - you have to moan a lot so he feels like a king.
3. As you're licking one finger, slowly start stroking his shaft (penis) with your other hand, you have to be on your knees and he should be standing, look him in the eyes - this way you can see his reactions. You need to love giving him head if you want him to really enjoy it.
4. Most girls make the mistake of being too soft - don't do that, grab his penis tightly and stroke it hard, as you're twisting his shaft with one hand slowly start sucking on the head (the tip) of his penis, curl your tongue around it, twist it in circles, then point it upwards and slowly lick it while you're watching him.
5. Say something like "mmmmm I love it" then smile, smiling is very important - it conveys that you love it. Keep on stroking and sucking harder.
6. Start talking dirty to him, put your hands around his balls and tickle them gently - make sure you are gentle 'cause his balls are very sensitive, as you're tickling, keep on stroking and sucking.
7. Once you see that he's getting closer start stroking harder - and don't even think about slowing down. Scream at him, tell him you want it - tell him where you want it (swallowing will make him go crazy just as you want it) - then as he starts to come, you have 2 options - you can hold his penis or he can hold it - I suggest you let him hold it and squeeze it out.
8. Then hold his penis and stroke it slowly, just as if you were trying to squeeze every last drop out of him into your mouth, give it a few more finishing licks.
9. Then smile at him, open your mouth and show him what you've got in your mouth, smile, then swallow all of it - then look up at him again and open your mouth to show him it's gone.If you REALLY want to learn how to give a blow job then you have to read ba href="http://www.jacksblowjoblessons.com"Jack's Blowjob Lessons/a/b
10. Smile again, believe me he'll love you for it.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, bjo84  +, writes (8 November 2010):
Approach it as empathetically as possible. But not with sympathy. Don't treat it like a problem or you'll only make him more more self conscious about it. If I were him, It'd be nice to just have you open up and tell him that it's ok.
Tell him that you're perfectly okay with talking about it and that it doesn't make him any less of a man. This is what relationships are about. If you can help him over this, it could change his life. Think of it that way. You have the potentially to make a PROFOUND impact on him pyschologically. Because that is what this probably is, a psycological obstacle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): I'm the original poster.
I think some of these answers have highlighted something I hadn't thought of before.
Before we got together, he was single for a very long time (He is 36, but had had only one, very short-lived relationship since leaving college 15 years previously). When we first had sex he did mention that it had been well over a year since he'd last done it with anybody. I guess it's possible that he's got so used to relying on masturbation (and maybe porn) that he can't reach orgasm through "normal" sex anymore?
I know I should talk to him about this, and I will - I'm just trying to think of the best way to broach the subject... any advice on that one would be good!
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A
male
reader, bjo84 +, writes (8 November 2010):
I can help with this.
What is going on with your boyfriend is almost certainly pyschological. Is he taking any medications for depression or anxiety? This could also delay orgasm. I know you desperately want to please him but don't put it all on your self. He is not broken and you are not inept.
Have you guys openly discussed this? If not, I think you need to very badly. As a male who has had some remotely similar experiences(not nearly to the extend you describe), it's really all about getitng it out there. For me it was because I had been taking some medication for anxiety attacks and it delayed things a bit. When I then went off the medication, it had a linger pyschological effect that it would take longer and she would think something was with either myself or what she was doing! Also, maybe he had a experience at some point in the past? Us guys can get pretty nervous too. Not all of us walk around with our dicks ready to explode at any possible form of stimulation from anybody.
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I suppose another alternative you have is to let him get to a certain point by himself and then finish with you. It might work if he "primes" himself and then you take him to the finish line.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (8 November 2010):
If it takes him say 30mins to cum, why dont you spend a lot more time on foreplay say 20 mins or how ever long it takes to satisfy you. That way you can "plan" for him to be inside you when he does ejaculate.
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, INCREDIBLE ME +, writes (8 November 2010):
Just my personal opinion, but maybe he masterbates excessively. That can make it very hard (no pun intended) or almost impossible to climax from regular sex. No matter how good of a lover you are, it's hard to compete with a tight gripped hand or a vibrater. Just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 November 2010):
 While I've never heard of this, it doesn't surprise me that there is a guy (probably others too) who has trouble having an orgasm through sex. Many women are in that boat too.
I think you should talk to him about it. Communication about things like this is very important if you're going to make it as a couple. The key is how you address it. Don't belittle him, or show your insecurity, just show your curiousity. He's likely had that talk before because I doubt this is a problem with what you're doing. His comment after the blowjob leads me to that conclusion.
One thing you can try is watching his technique he uses to get himself off. Maybe you can immitate that, or have him give you directions. Sometimes it just takes encouragement to get him to tell you want he wants. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Hi!
Thanks for your question. Im glad to hear you have a healthy relationship. The men Ive known who have had this issue were used to only a certain kind of visual stimulation and that is porn. Im not accusing the man however its possible so I would ask him just so you have peace of mind.
Perhaps he feels a little pressure either from u or his own thoughts that he has to orgasm. If he makes this his goal, chances are it could affect him mentally cause he feels nervous or gets full of anxiety thus causing him to do this. Have you asked him about rhythms? fast? slow? positions he likes that turn him on? Maybe try having him focus on little sensations and maybe increase foreplay a little more to get him more revved up :p
Another possibility is that his fitness is not healthy and that can cause some huge problems in the bedroom for some men who do not get enough exercise. I hope this helps.
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