A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, this is a bit embarassing but I need some advice. My best friend is a gay guy and I'm head over heels for him! x All the gentle touches, the whispers, the long talks, the sleepovers JUST MAKE ME ACHE FOR HIM! I want so badly for him not to be gay but I know that's never going to happen. I'm not going to act on it as it is stupid and selfish but I would like some advice on how to get over it. Please don't say stop seeing him, because we have been best friends since pre-school so thats not an options. I'd love for your advice though xxxxxxxxxxxx 3
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I am 29 years old and still a fag hag at heart.I fell in love with my best friend, gay. He was beautiful and sweet. We had what he calls sex a couple of times. When he asked me how i felt about it a few YEARS later.... I lied... I said I wish it hadn't happened because it jeopardized our friendship. I didn't want to know how he felt about it...he baited me to ask by saying..."thats not how I feel at all...NOT AT ALL." I was in a relationship then with a bisexual who I have been married to for ten years and am still married to. I always thought my feelings for him would go away...in all these years they haven't. So I'm still in love with him, and my husband. If your really in love it never goes away, and in time , yiu won't want it to. You will move on and carry that love forever as well, and youll have a beautiful friendship. My regrets are: that I lied about my feelings, that I waited to tell him that I was in Love with him... that I was reluctant to admit this to my current husband...that I passed up opportunities to be with him because I felt awkward. I look back on "what he calls sex" as one of the best experiences of my life... a beautiful one. I think of the pain of unrequited love as a price worth paying, every rose has its thorn baby. Often...the rarest rose is the thorny one. Tell him you love him... be honest...hell love you anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Believe me i exactly know the feeling...
My Best friend is also a gay guy... I've had such a bad dating experience with guys that he just seemed perfect to me, he's kind, good looking, treats me nice and he doesnt mind when people think i'm his girlfriend.
A couple of months ago we were drunk at a party and ended up making out and nearly had sex but everything was fine afterwards. At a party recently drunk again i told him i was in love with him... afterwards it was kind of a bit weird and i felt like i'd lost my best friend as we hardly talked for a couple of days... but now i feel we're back to normal.
The truth is it is so hard to pretend you dont feel one way if you know the other person doesnt feel the same. He says he could try and be straight for me but i know it wouldnt make him happy and that whats most important. I love him but i love him as my best friend more...
im not completely over it but im having to just act as normal as possible and it hurts as i spend all my time with him but sometimes its something you just have to sacrifice.
Hope you sort things out soon and mail if you want a chat xxx
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Think back to every straight guy you've ever had the biggest crushes on. I'm willing to bet there is one trait in common - they all appeared to be in complete control of their sexual desire for you. Even if they really wanted you, they could act as if they had all the patience in the world, up until you were completely ready for them (at which point they could go crazy).
Gay guys universally have that trait, simply because there is no attraction to control. I'm convinced that's part of the reason so many girls fall for gay guys.
While I think hanging out with him less would be the surest way to reduce that desire, it would be a shame to sacrifice that friendship. A good compromise would be to stop having sleepovers - it's easier to develop those feeligns after dark. And start trying to meet some straight guys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): I was in this situation myself about seven or eight years ago. The bad news is, I'm here to tell you that there's no easy answer. You'll probably harbour these feelings for a while, you are going to hurt, you will probably spend a few nights crying into your pillow and feeling like you can never so much as look at another guy for the rest of your life. I'm sorry.
The good news is, the feelings will eventually fade. it may take a while (It took me near enough two years!) I can virtually guarantee this will happen and you will one day meet someone amazing who feels the same about you and what feels so painful now will siddenly start to seem like just a blip in your romantic history.
So my main peace of advice is this: Grit your teeth, hold on tight, and wait it out. This, too, will pass.
On a more practical note, there are things you can do that will help to make this more bearable, they're mainly to do with taking your mind off the problem at hand:
1. Don't stop seeing him, whilst it's obviously not a good idea to spend all your waking hours in his company, not seeing him at all will probably lead you to daydreaming about him and make you feel worse.
2. Hang out with other people as well,a nd put yourself in situations where you can meet other guys. You don't have to date them, or even consider it - this is just about reminding your subconcious that there are other men out there. Eventually it'll catch on and you'll get interested in some of them!
3. Keep busy! When you have any kind of bad feeling, the worst thing you can do is mope around at home and think about how bad you feel. This is the one thing guaranteed to make you worse. So get yourself out of that - take up a new hobby or revisit an old one, go to see movies, start an evening class, do voluntary work, learn French, go to the gym, or learn karate - absolutely anything that keeps your mind active and gives you something else to think about. The more you think about other things, the less you'll think about him.
4. don't talk about it too much. There is a perception that one can always make things better by talking about them. Unfortunately, whilst this may be true of relationships, it's decidedly untrue in matters of unrequited love. If you're talking about him, you're making your feelings seem more real, thinking about him more, exagerating the promenance of the problem in your head. Don't do it! Talk about what you saw on TV last night instead!
I really hope this helps. I am now 29, and happily in a relationship with a lovely man, and still friends with my old gay "crush". So I have every faith you'll pull through.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Well i think you just need to be grateful that you have such a best friend and that you have him in your life the only thing that would be different is a physical relationship with him, so maybe you could go out looking for a single man and start dating, accept that your best friend is gay and be happy that you have such a great friend that will be there for you. I think you need to put your mind on meeting a new guy to date as this will take your mind of the attraction you have for your friend.
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