A
female
age
41-50,
*3artBroken
writes:My ex and I broke up the beginning of May of this year because ofnmajor trust issues. I found out that he had not fully gotten over his Ex about 4 months into our relationship. I found out that he would go running back to her every time we had a major argument. He would always deny having any feelings for her but intuition told me otherwise. Sooooooo, I snooped through his emails and phone, the whole 9 yards. It's something that I'm not proud of. I kind of did it to prove to myself that my insecurities were all in my head. I basically, found out that they were validated. Though, he claimed during the times he reached out to her were during the times we had broken up. Which, at this point had been practically every month due to the deterioration of trust.Even though we broke up we still had contact, which seemed better than no contact at the time. We still hung out after work, would go out to eat, still made out and the whole shebang! Deep down, I still felt a void because even though we were still in contact, it was mainly I initiating our little outings. THE FINAL STRAW: I popped up at his house one day to get some money from him that he owed me. While waiting for him, I end up talking to his cousin and asking for advice. I was so depressed and just didn't understand why he was being so cold to me. I told her to call me and tell me if she found out that he was indeed talking to another girl. I know it was wrong to ask this of a family member but I felt like I needed to know. So.. shortly after I left he text me back to back telling me to never show up at his house and talk to his family again. If I did, he would call the police on me!I was crushed! I never knew he could be so cold. Me and this guy were together almost every day for 1 year and 3 mths. We talked about marriage. I felt close to his family, and brought him around mine. There were so many passonate and romantic memories between us. I have never in my life felt so connected to someone emotionally, physically and spiritually. I helped support him when he didn't have a job. Not, because I wanted something to hold over his head, but because I genuinely love him and wanted to be there for him anyway possible. He had an aneurism in his leg and I was there for him during that time as well. I bathed him once when he was healing and tried to be someone he could count on :,( Now my world is crashing down. How could the person who said there was nothing I could do to take his love away from me (Besides cheating) turn into this Green Eyed Monster! Aggggghhhh! I'm losing it guys. I can't eat, sleep, or focus on anything. I know what everyone says to just get over it and move on is not hitting home because we were sooooo close. I feel like I've met my match and I just can't let him go like that. I haven't had any contact for 9 days and I'm so fearful that he has moved on or will never contact me again.. I want to know from a Guy, is it really that easy for someone to move on like they didn't mean anything to you. Is there hope, that I will ever hear from him again?
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broke up, cousin, crush, depressed, his ex, money, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 Did he call you back? hope it worked out for the best - for you. xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): "How could the person who said there was nothing I could do to take his love away from me (Besides cheating) turn into this Green Eyed Monster!"
Easy, he lied. Green Eyed Monster? He's not jealous, you simply are no longer of any use to him.
"I feel like I've met my match and I just can't let him go like that."
Unfortunately not your call, he can let you go just like that and already has.
"I haven't had any contact for 9 days and I'm so fearful that he has moved on or will never contact me again.."
Very likely he will never contact you again, unless he finds himself out of other options and is looking for a quick and easy lay. In that event, he'll show up at your doorstep ready to forgive and forget everything YOU'VE done to him.
"I want to know from a Guy, is it really that easy for someone to move on like they didn't mean anything to you."
From a guy who would never do such a thing but has known plenty of scumbags who have behaved as badly as your ex, yes it really is that easy.
"Is there hope, that I will ever hear from him again?"
Very unlikely you will ever hear from him again, unless he finds himself out of other options and is looking for a quick and easy lay. In that event, he'll show up at your doorstep ready to forgive and forget everything YOU'VE done to him.
Sorry to be so seemingly harsh and unfeeling, but cold hard reality is you fell for a liar and a cheater and a user, and it's not all on him. The red flags were popping up almost from the start but you chose to ignore them and, much worse, you continued to cling to him even during your regular and frequent trust-related "break-ups."
Sad and unfortunate you had to learn such a tough lesson in such a tough manner, hopefully you'll learn from this experience and approach future relationships a little more sensibly and realistically.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 June 2012):
 You say there were major trust issues between the two of you which eventually caused a break up. Additionally, the fact that he never really got over his ex means that he was either not able or not willing (and not ready emotionally) to fully commit to you.
Given these factors, establishing and keeping a long-term close relationship is very difficult, if not almost impossible.
His unwillingness seems to me to be further borne out by the fact that while he was okay with sometimes hanging out with you, you were the one initiating those get-togethers, rather than him.
You did everything you could to support him and "be there" when he lost his job, and when he had an aneurism in his leg.
Unfortunately, sometimes no matter what we do we just cannot make someone want to commit to us if they choose not to.
The last straw for him was your talking to his cousin about your concerns. By the way, does he know you spied on him by way of his emails and phone calls? If so, that is an additional reason for his anger. You now know it's never a good idea to pry into someone's business. It's underhanded and certainly not apt to make them feel you are trustworthy - not to mention that while we do it to seek reassurance that our fears have no basis, all too often we discover things we wish we hadn't. Same goes for listening in on other people's conversations. Too easy to think they're talking about you (they may or may not be) and if they ARE, you might hear something you really don't like - when that happens, what is being said may or may not be just nasty gossip and quite unfair - but you'd have been better off not hearing it in the first place. Please note, I'm talking in a general sense here, not about your specific situation. Simply illustrating a point.
I think now it would be best to just leave things alone and see if he does contact you later on. One thing to keep in mind is the trust issues you had will just continue to be a source of trouble UNLESS you both somehow are able to work through them.
How likely do you honestly think that they could be resolved, all things considered?
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (30 June 2012):
 Sorry, I'm not a guy but I went through something similar.I really know what your going through. My relationship wasn't quite as long as yours was though. It sounds to me like your idea of what you thought was love wasn't the same as he was thinking...
I was the "good for now girl" while he was waiting for his ex to take him back into her arms, which she did. He kept in contact with me and tried to be friends. Whenever she kicked him out? He was always running back to me. I wanted it to work out so badly that I too would do anything for him, jobless and everything. Us women want to make things work out, it's in our nature... One day I woke up and realized I had enough of this crap! Meeting my awesome boyfriend now? I look back and laugh about how pathetic he was... and how foolish I was to put up with his b.s.
It's the not understanding that hurts... you may have had good times with this guy, (as I did) but something wasn't meant to be. It sounds like his heart is still with this ex girlfriend and that's just the way it is.
When you meet someone else one day, you will look back and wonder why you wasted so much time with this guy & you too happy with the right person just for you. Keeping busy and time really does wonders. ;) Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): you're confusing yourself. This guy is not to be trusted. He's gone behind your back numerous times with his ex, remember that?
this guy is pathetic - he keeps running back and forth between 2 women. Argument with you - go run back to his ex. Then make up with you - lie to you about running back to his ex. This guy is so dishonest.
you really shouldn't be still hanging out with him if you've officially broken up because you just confuse yourself about where you stand with each other which is why you're in this mess now. You think that just because you're still on good enough terms to be hanging out and all that, that you have the right to pry into his private life or that he still has feelings for you. He obviously feels that just because you kept in touch after breaking up does NOT mean you are privileged into his love life.
you really need to move on. this guy has broken your trust many times so even if you want to get back together it's not worth it. he's also treating his ex pretty poorly - reaching out to her only when he's having arguments with you. How would you know, if you got back together, that he's not using you the same way - only reaching out to you when he has arguments with her?
he is not the be-all and end-all, you'll see that eventually if you make a clean break and stay that way for awhile.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 June 2012):
Sounds like you are in love with the sparse fond memories you had with him and not the person he has become now. I am not really sure why you would want him back. Both of you had serious relationship issues and they never even came close to being worked out.
I think it would be best to just give it more time until your mind can be calm. Maybe then you should decide from there is he is really worth it. The thing is he just doesn't deserve someone like you and there are others out there who are more deserving of your time. Currently, he has you wrapped around his finger and this is not a state of mind you want to be in.
I am very sure your ex is seeing someone else, which is why he got so mad when you questioned his cousin AND why he is so cold to you.
Try to wake up and see what has happened in front of you. You've let your feelings cloud your mind and blind your very own eyes. Give it more time.
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